(Closed) Do you ever feel competitive about your wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I sorta felt this way with a couple of friends, but after a while, I stopped. I stopped because I realized that there was really no point to have to feel competitive. Each wedding is SO different, and everyone has such different tastes and budgets. I wasn’t being honest to myself for trying to compare. So, I stopped! And I’m so happy that we are just honest about what we can or cannot afford. =)

Post # 4
94 posts
Worker bee

Oh, so I’m not the only one that does that. I didn’t think I was that kind of person, I am not usually a competitive person. But with the wedding, I absolutely think, wow, my wedding will be so much better- the band, my dress, the flowers…I can’t seem to help it.

Post # 5
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

One of our GMs got married less than 1 month before us.  I was a little nervous because they were also engaged 4 days before us, and we rushed to choose our date first so we didn’t have to work around them.  I tried not to talk to her about her wedding in case we had overlap (which we did in both choosing brown for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses- although not uncommon for a fall wedding).

Confession- I was totally, bitch-ily relieved that ours was 100 times better than theirs!  (more fun, better food, etc.)

Post # 6
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Kind of like rosychicklet, one of my closest friends got engaged a month after me. I was happy for her, obviously, but I was also so upset at first – knowing myself I knew that I would turn it into a competition (all on my own!), regardless of what happened.

The feeling got better over time as we started planning and I realized how different we were from each other and how different our weddings would be. My wedding is before hers, and I am still a little worried I might go to hers and think "oh no, this is so much better than mine".

Post # 7
2640 posts
Sugar bee

It’s my nature to be a bit competitive.  So I did compare and contrast.  It make me giddy when I hear people telling me, hat I had the best wedding they’d been to… the cake was so…the venue was so…. etc.  But I’m sure I put more energy into it than most people I knew put into theirs.

Post # 8
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

this is where being the first of our circle to get married comes in handy…people will be comparing their weddings to ours, not vice versa. i’m happy to set the bar high for the rest of them 😉 haha, i kid! although i did briefly think back to the previous weddings i’d been to in the recent years and was happy knowing our wedding will be much more personal and unique!

Post # 9
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I feel a little competittive toward weddings I’ve never even been to! No one has yet told me my wedding was "the best one they ever went to" or really even given me lots of compliments after it was over. After reading about how well some of the weddings on the hive have been received I guess maybe I expected more. 

But as far as weddings go, I guess maybe mine was pretty run of the mill. I had some special details but I didn’t out and out DIY every last thing. We also got married in a (gorgeous) church and had a nice indoor reception, so maybe they couldn’t be wowed by the unique setting or our personalized vows. But we loved it, so hrrrmph. 

This is a great question, btw.

Post # 10
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I feel competitive to find the best deals while spending the least! My friends have parents who are paying for their weddings, and while mine can afford to, they don’t believe in large weddings. Apparently 150 guests is large in their book. But they did get us the most incredible honeymoon, so we win in that category by far! So i’m competitive in the aspect that I’m striving to make it look and be AS good if not better without dropping the load of cash they are =]. But I secretly think that’s already the case with things like my dress, the location, the bm dresses, etc. Everybody loves them! And they didn’t cost a fortune. I refuse to believe a nice wedding has to be the equivalent in cost to a down payment. And I must say, I have THE greatest venue. Ahh the benefit of a non church wedding! It’s all outdoors, a beautiful garden, incredible. And my photographer is awesome, and even though I keep recommending her to everybody, nobody’s biting! So I try to share!

Post # 11
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t know whether to define it as competitiveness or jealousy or something else….

I have a few very good friends who are getting married this summer (in the months before us).  Although they dated for less time than me and my Fiance they got engaged first.  I am worried that by the time people get to our wedding they will be sick of weddings / not think it is a big deal.

It’s silly because I know that our wedding will be the bomb and that people will be very happy for us.  And, the day is really about celebrating our love…so who cares?

Post # 12
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t feel competitive about our wedding.  I have a friend getting married this June and I know her wedding is going to be amazing – but she also is spending 7x more than us and plans on having a 350 person guest list!  And, my fiance’s brother is getting married 4 months before us (don’t get me started on this) and they seem to be doing things for all the wrong reasons – so I don’t feel any competition against them, either. 

I have to admit, I’m not pumped about our reception location – but it is what we could afford – and I’ve heard they have great food and they’re letting us bring our own wine for everyone – so I hope people will get tipsy and have a great time! 🙂  Plus, our families are very down to earth, so I think they’ll love it. 

Post # 13
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have 50 million other things to worry about. Another persons wedding is on the very bottom of my list-if on my list at all. Unless you have a golden cake and Brad Pitt jumps out of it, people will forget about our weddings very soon afterwards. I’m not being mean or jaded-but come on…EVERYONE gets married-it seems like a pointless, self centered, and childish thing to be competitive over and it is really all subjective. YOU might think your wedding is better, but I bet everyone who is attending your wedding who is already married thinks their wedding was the best(if they think like that) I’ve been to a $600,00 wedding ( i know the cost becaus the couple bragged about it). I’ve had a better time at other weddings, but I’m sure this girl thought her wedding was the be all end all envy of everyone.

So after all that my answer is no, and I would suggest putting that competitive energy into something that is actually relevant.

Post # 15
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@ amandopolis I answered the question you posted and gave my reasons why. That’s not rude-it’s just not the answer you wanted. There is a difference. To me, it does seem childish to think "our wedding is going to win"and this is because when you start thinking of your wedding as a competition you are losing focus on what it is actually about.  No one is right or wrong, and I felt strongly enough about what you wrote to post my opinion and advice. If you just want everyone to agree with you you should state that and I wouldn’t have said anything. Everyone puts a lot of time and thought and money into their weddings and tries to do the best they can and I think sometimes we should remind ourselves of that. 

Post # 16
38 posts
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m normally a VERY competitive person but when it comes to wedding planning, I’m trying to do the best I can with the budget I have.   Since I’m paying for my own wedding, I’m proud of myself in that fact alone that I’m totally not competitive versus someone whose parents are paying and thus can afford a more luxurious wedding.  Not to say it’s cheap either but it’s not a $100k wedding. 

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