Post # 1
Just wanted to hear your thoughts. Most of us have dream rings and have shown our SOs what they should be aiming to buy. Just wondering if anyone has felt/or feels guilty about the amount of money our SO’s spend on our engagement rings? I’m talking about rings which costs maybe $5k or more or a price that is quite significant relative to your SO’s earnings.
I’m starting to feel guilty, just thinking about this big amount of money spent on one tiny piece of jewellery . The money spent on the ring could be spent on the wedding itself or elsewhere. And then what we spend on our SOs is usually not comparable (a simple wedding band for them).
When I started looking at rings online, I was looking at 0.9ct diamonds. But after looking at the prices, I changed my mind to 0.8ct. And more recently, I dropped it to 0.7ct to save money. Reasons why I’ve kept dropping the ct is to help my SO save money and also because I can’t wait to be his wife! I know there are other alternatives, but as guilty as I feel, I do want a diamond ring . Sometimes I try to justify it by thinking, it shows how much he loves me to buy the ring that I like and propose. Like someone has said before, if he loves you, he will move mountains to make it happen.
Anyone else ever felt like this or is it just me? How do you justify it?
Post # 2
I told my bf that I would be completely fine with a CZ ring until later when we’re both out of school to upgrade to a moissanite. He told me that he would buy me my dream ring (the moissanite one), no questions asked, no need to upgrade later. So I can’t feel too guilty about it. If you’re feeling very guilty perhaps you could consider talking to him about it and seeing how he feels. You can find out if it seems doable for him or if it’s way out of his comfort zone.
And yes I did think about how girls are usually the spoiled ones money wise and when my bf graduated college I bought him a batman PS4. I wanted to spoil him too.
Post # 3
I know that I would have felt incredibly guilty… I don’t think it’s fair either! He loves me and will save up for any ring that makes me happy, but it’s very one-sided…
Luckily for my SO, the bridal set I loved PLUS the lifetime warranty from the store totaled to only slightly more than $1000.
His engagement ring cost about $150, and his wedding band (that we have our eye on) is about $600? I’m sure the store has insurance for that as well… so I’m not as guilty. 😛 It may be about the same…
Goodness, now that I think about it, that’s still a ridiculous amount spent on little rings, isn’t it? /:
Post # 4
Guilt? Nah. As time passes you figure out what you love… and if nice jewelry is part of that, so be it. I wouldn’t think one would feel guilty unless they were trying to have the SO buy outside their means or budget. We started out modest as a young couple and through the years, he’s bought some fabulous jewels and I’m grateful and I’m also a big fan/diamond freak. I clean my ring like it’s a hobby. Ha. It gives me much enjoyment. My husband likes to collect/buy for and expensive hobby so I don’t feel bad for getting some nice anniversary gifts from time to time. Enjoy what you have worked HARD to get!!!
Post # 5
Hmm, he hasn’t told me about his budget. I think he would save for what I want, but it just means I have to wait wayyy longer. When I mentioned I was considering 0.8 or 0.9, he replied with something on the lines of, “you’ll need to wait a year or two!’. But since I want to get married before I am 30 (currently 28), I said I’d be happy with 0.7…but sometimes I can’t shake off that guilty feeling. *I’m really hoping that he proposes this year!*
what you spent on your SO is comparable to what he bought for you. I really can’t imagine saving for a ring at the amount of what I want
hmm, I don’t think I’ll be getting an upgrade after this one…maybe I can justify it that way. One sparkly rock for a lifetime…
Post # 6
“thinking, it shows how much he loves me to buy the ring that I like and propose. Like someone has said before, if he loves you, he will move mountains to make it happen”
There’s truth to what you said. I don’t feel guilty. In There will always be something supposedly better to spend money on. Like you, I would not be happy with a fake or cheap ring. My ring was expensive but I’ll wear it my entire life and future generations will too. Diamonds are forever after all! Lol
Post # 7
nope. But the price of my ring isn’t huge compared to his income.
Post # 8
nope I’m with mrstodd2bee:
im going to be wearing mine forever! My Fiance knew how important the ring is to me (and although I didn’t tell him much about the rings in our family, he paid attention and got something on par with my sister’s and SIL’s.)
Post # 9
I think the idea that the cost of a piece of jewelry is proof of how much someone loves you is an awful attitude. That’s partly why we have so many posts about people unhappy with their ring, and an attitude that it must be a big stone because they have something to prove. There are a lot of women with expensive rings and awful husbands.
Post # 10
I don’t feel guilty, but I am painfully frugal: Spending large amounts of money makes me sick sometimes.
That was a huge factor for me when we were making my rings.
Post # 11
I don’t feel guilty buuuut I also would never ask for a 5k ring, even though we’re older (30s and 40s) and either one of us could easily afford it. It is about what the ring means to me, and of course about the beauty of the stone, and both meaning and beauty can be had for very reasonable prices nowadays with lab-created moissanites and diamonds.
To be very freaking honest, I think the ring buying process is the perfect time for some brides to learn the important lesson that, once you’re married, you have to put aside the unjustifiably selfish wants that can drain the money and respect right out of your relationship, and ESPECIALLy put aside the idea that a man only loves you when he caters to those wants.
So, basically, if your want for a certain ring is justified, i.e. it can easily be afforded, has some significance to you, meets your ethical standards, and is important to both you and your Fiance, then don’t feel guilty. If it isn’t justified then, you know, get your head on straight, grow up, and stop wanting it.
Post # 12
It’s just a thought, but maybe check out antique rings. I’ve seen a couple of very beautiful solitaires or three/five stone rings with round brilliant or even old cut diamond for under $1,500. I’m going to add a link showing a five stone antique ring that just sold on the website from which I’m getting my ring that was priced just under $1,500. I personally think it was beautiful and quite a steal. Just a thought, if you don’t mind antiques or vintage you should look into it 🙂
And a picture of it in case anyone wants to see instead of clicking the link:
ETA: This kinda deal (moreso wanting to be his wife already) is why I went with an antique. I wanted it to be more affordable to him and I ended up falling for one I came across and a couple things made me feel like it was meant to be, and if down the line we feel the need to and want to upgrade we can 🙂
Post # 13
I don’t feel guilty but my ring wasn’t incredibly expensive. Price is (small) part of why I wanted a sapphire. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with a 5K ring. It was important to me to find a ring that wasn’t any sort of financial burden for Fiance.
Post # 14
I would never equate the amount of money my DH has spent on a ring for me with how much he loves me. I think that’s a recipe for disaster and really cheapens the gesture. I found out my DH’s budget before we got engaged and picked out a ring within it. Once we got married, I upgraded my set when finances allowed. I see no reason to feel guilty asking for a $20k ring if your Fiance can afford it but I think a lot of women don’t get married when they want to because they make it so damn stressful on their SO by putting a ton of expectations on them (expecting a ring that’s difficult for them to afford, a grand proposal, & a perfect wedding/honeymoon). No wonder it takes some of them so long to propose.
Post # 15
Doesn’t it really depend on whether it will cause your Fiance hardship to buy the more expensive ring? If he can truly afford it (stable career, no debt, high earner), then I would feel thrilled to have the ring of my dreams with no guilt. If it’s expensive for his situation, it shows real love and maturity to feel guilty so the answer is to find the ring that makes your eyes light up that Fiance can afford and let him see the new ring you just discovered!