(Closed) Do you ever feel guilty?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
912 posts
Busy bee

I would’ve felt guilty if he had spent much more than he did. I’m just not that comfortable spending so much on an accessory. So together my set cost $1000. The band has tiny diamonds, very thin white gold band. my engagement ring is blue topaz, because I loveeeee the color blue, didn’t want a diamond, and it is much more in the price range I was ok with him spending.

Post # 17
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
applecheeks:  Damn! I love that ring!! There are so many rings from way back when that are amazing! Yours is extra special.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by littlechickie.
Post # 18
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’ve said to my boyfriend that he isn’t allowed to spend more than £750 and I’d rather it was even lower than that.however this is totally realistic for my dream ring. 

He could afford more but I wouldn’t want him to. Partly because I’d feel paranoid about losing it but mainly because I want any money we save to go into buying a house or having children. The engagement ring and wedding, to me, aren’t as important as our future. If I had an expensive ring it would feel like a reminder on my finger of why eve had to delay other things in our life.

For example a friend of mine will have been engaged 5 years when she gets married because she wanted the big wedding. Which is totally go e except she moans all the time about having to wait. I’d rather have my dream husband sooner instead of a dream wedding. 

Post # 19
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I do definitely feel guilty sometimes. My ring was under 5k but still a very substantial purchase for him. I actually told him once that I feel guilty about it and he said to stop because if he didn’t love me and didn’t want to do it then he wouldn’t have done it. 

Post # 21
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

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emibee:  Ehh…I usually hate receiving favors or pretty much anything from anyone, but for some reason I don’t feel bad when it comes to my partner lol. Same goes for the ring. Do I feel grateful and blessed? Of course!!! Tremendously grateful, but I don’t feel guilty at all. My partner makes so much more for a living so I probably won’t ever be able to reciprocate with the same means, but I express my love in ways that are right for me. Just not through diamonds, but I know I’m loving him with all my heart in my own ways. You love him and he loves you. That’s the only give and take that matters. 

Post # 22
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

I never demanded a super expensive ring but my sister did! She wanted a Tiffany ring and he’s a Doctor so she expected a good one… I think it cost around £10K!

Mine went down and down the more I realised that I just wanted to get married! I told Fiance that I was ok with White Gold if he couldn’t afford Platinum and that I didn’t need a big flashy ring. He got me the ring he did because he liked it. It’s White Gold with 1Ct weight total spread over 9 diamonds. I love it to bits and he got it in the sale so I don’t feel guilty at all!! 🙂

Post # 23
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

I think if it’s going to take him 2 years to save up for it then it’s probably too expensive for him. Are you open to helping cover the cost of the ring you want?

Post # 24
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Athol Hall, Mosman

TBH, I don’t feel guilty. I never actually had any real expectations when it came to my ring. I even told my fiancè that I’d be happy with a sterling silver ring with a CZ in it. In the end, I trusted him to not spend any more than he could’ve afforded and I knew I was right to because we both hate being in debt. If anything, we like to buy things in cash or spend how ever long a time saving for it. He took his time in designing it and I managed to put in a few hints but that was about as far as he’d let me go. In the end, I got more than I’d hope for and I’m not gonna chide him on what he purchased because he spent a ton of time on getting me a ring that pleased the both of us. It doesn’t have the biggest stone and the design looks quite plain compared to some other bees on the forum but I love it all the same because it’s ours.

Post # 25
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
missmagpie:  you and I have the same ring budget, the same financial outlook, and I suspect the same (real) name.  Had to do a double take there!

I didn’t want my fiance to spend a ton of money on the ring but we both agreed that we wanted my forever ring now.  We actually ordered it last night and I even went with a bigger ring than I had imagined, although it is a sapphire (with little diamonds) rather than a diamond.  I definitely wanted a sapphire regardless of the price but it did make it more affordable than just all diamonds.  That helped with the guilt, and he was so so happy that we found the ring (he loves it as much as I do) that I’m able to not feel guilty over him spending more on my ring than I will on his.  

Post # 26
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
emibee:  YES! I know how you feel and I say this all the time “It’s so unfair how cheap men’s rings are compared to ours.” No, my ring wasn’t $5k or more, a ring that big would have overwhelmed my dainty, size 4 finger. Mine was still well over $1K and I found my Fiances ring on amazon for $19 and he is completely happy with it. 

So yes, there is a little guilt. I keep trying to find him more expensive rings but his answer is always the same “I like the ring you got me” and this was with me offering him a star wars wedding band. Shows how less complicated men are.

Post # 27
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

The guilt came in waves for me, it was not constant. When we were shopping, the guilt really got to me as I am a very savvy shopper. So to compensate on this expensive decision I put in a lot of time and effort to ensure we got the best deal we could get. I explored both new, used and online options of acquiring the designer ring I wanted, no stone was left unturned. My fiancé and I’s dynamic were pretty in sync, he gave me no budget and that just made me research more into getting the best price for what I wanted. It took me 5 months to decide and several trips to jewelry stores both in his country and mine. If it wasn’t for a trip deadline, I would have probably taken at least 8 months to pick my ring, but it all worked out.

Knowing how much I put into researching the right ring, makes me feel more confident and less guilty.  For him, he understands my “fluffy” ways and is appreciative of our not so stereotypical way of our engagement and the ring. I am so pleased with the outcome, and there are no plans to upgrade this ring in the future. I also did not end up sacrificing on the size of the center stone. GL Bee!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by fluffykaiju. Reason: Words... Damn u auto correct
Post # 28
Member
8602 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I have a stupid expensive ring and still don’t feel guilty! He set a budget that he can afford. He picked the source and the ring. He wrote a check for it and said it was the easiest money he ever spent (I asked later if it was painful!) and he was just so excited to give it to me. He is proud of my ring and I adore it! It’s a once in a lifetime purchase. So long as youre not nagging for an upgrade immediately… Just respect his budget and get the ring you love.

Post # 29
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve never felt guilty, mostly because I know the ring would have been affordable with his income. Secondly because he chose it completely alone, all I stated was that I wanted a yellow gold band (which is cheaper than the platinum band he would have chosen if I’d never said).

I would only feel bad if I had chosen an unaffordable ring and insisted he buy it, knowing it would be a financial struggle for him.

Post # 30
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t feel guilty because I had zero say in my ring.  He told me all along, “Don’t worry, it will be at least a carat” which meant nothing to me at the time because my diamond knowledge at was zero back then.  I did a little research, got informed and told him a carat was too expensive.  the time came and he went to get my ring and came home with something that was just under 1.5 carats. Lol. He didn’t listen, and I love my ring!!  In the end it was his choice to spend the amount that he did.  He’s so proud of it, too 🙂

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