(Closed) Do you ever feel guilty?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 32
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I don’t think anybody should feel guilty about it. We are all allowed our little luxuries that we work for, you just need to know where to draw the line. I do think it’s silly to spend a significant amount of money on a ring that you can’t afford. I don’t believe in “it shows how much he loves me to buy the ring that I like and propose”. Like, what?! Buying you something you like is a sign of love? Just no.

De Beers started an advertising campaign in the 1930s which suggested that an engagement ring should cost a month’s salary. In the 1980s it became two. In Japan in the 1970s it was three. Oh De Beers, you crafty lot!

An insurance company in the UK claimed a few years ago that we spend around £1,200 on an engagement ring, around three weeks salary. A jewellery company said we spend around £1,300, slightly more than three weeks salary on average.

Personally my ring is costing slighty more than that but not a lot, but it’s probably around two weeks salary. It’s very affordable. It’s what we want. In all honestly I looked at rings that cost less than a day’s salary, but he turned his nose up. What a wally.

Post # 33
Member
349 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
littlechickie:  Oh, the diamond one is not mine. I’m not sure if you’ve seen the one I’m getting though..? 

Post # 34
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I chose a ring my Fiance could afford without having to save up for it because I was ready to get engaged and married. I decided I’d rather be married than have a bigger ring. Plus, I love dainty jewelry and still can’t stop staring at how beautiful the .6 ct diamond in my ring is. Beauty and price are not directly correlated.

If we used the 1-2 month “rule,” he “should” have spent 2-4 times what my ring cost.

Post # 35
Member
349 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
missmagpie:  Awwww I love that. I rather have my dream husband than my dream ring. That’s very sweet. I feel the same way, especially as in I feel that a home and children are a better source to put money into. My SO and I want a super small, intimate wedding. We joke around saying we’ll be the first couple to ever be excited when people rsvp no and say they can’t make it lol. 

Post # 36
Member
12274 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Nope, zero guilt.  It was expensive i guess, more than 5k, but easily affordable and didn’t take away from any other part of life.   We still bought a house that year with almost 25% down (which was over 10x the ring), we still went the a month long vacation that year too (cost more than the ring too), and still has enough for the wedding the next year.  I’ve never looked at it and had to say, if we didn’t spend so much on it, we could have done or bought xyz instead so I’m totally ok with the cost. 

Post # 37
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Country Cottage and Gardens

I usually feel guilty about having people spend money on me but I actually don’t feel guilty. I think that’s mainly because it was really important to him. On some days I honestly think he likes my ring more than I do. He loves looking at and is really proud that he was able to buy it for me and that he bought a style I love. If he regretted the purcahse or said it was too much then I would feel bad but it’s a source of pride for him so I don’t feel bad about it. 

Post # 38
Member
13568 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Aside from generally knowing the cut and type setting I liked, because he brought up the topic, supposedly in an abstract way, I would not have presumed to dictate carat weight or price. I would’ve felt guilty about doing that regardless of size. My ring was expensive but I don’t feel any guilt and wear it proudly, the same as I would if it were a fraction of the cost. I had no idea what he spent for years and I didn’t care. It was H’s choice, it came from him, and it’s a gift I’ll wear forever. 

Post # 39
Member
5560 posts
Bee Keeper

Guilt only applies when you’ve done something wrong.  Wishing and wanting is normal.  There is a fine line between get THIS for me now, and having realistic expectations with finances.

Post # 40
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I didn’t feel guilty about my original ring. It was small and low quality and I was so excited to marry him that I didn’t care.

I did feel a bit of guilt when I upgraded. It wasn’t a necessity. A completely frivolous and selfish purchase. Plus the idea of walking around with thousands of dollars on my hand really freaked me out. So, I downgraded my upgrade and I love it even more. It’s the look I always wanted at a price I feel proud of. There are plenty of people who would think it was crazy but it’s what was right for us!

Post # 41
Member
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
emibee:  I did feel guilty because I had my setting changed after 4 yrs of rocking my original e-ring. DH said he would change it for our 5th yr wedding anniversary but he changed his mind and did it for our 3 yr anniversary that just passed.

After I got my new setting, I asked him multiple times if he was upset or anything because I changed my ring and that he spent more money. He kept answering no, because he saw how much I loved my new ring and he actually likes this one better than my original one.

So I’ve stopped feeling guilty because he has said that he doesn’t regret spending that amount of money on me. 

Post # 42
Member
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery

Do I ever think that I could have gotten a beautiful ring for less and spent that money elsewhere? Sure. Do I have guilt about it? No. My Fiance asked for my input, I gave him a range of options (including Amora, which I would have been more than happy with) but he set his own budget and bought me a gorgeous, generous ring. 

More than guilty, I sometimes worry about wearing this much money on my hand–espeically when walking over grates in the sidewalk. Eek!

Post # 43
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

I did feel guilty. In fact, I posted about it. It just felt odd somehow that he had to spend this money when our decision to get married was joint. So I bought him an engagement gift. I spent about what he spent on my ring – he loves his gift – and I feel no guilt.

Post # 44
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

I didn’t feel guilty per se, but rather, uncomfortable about the inequality of engagement rings in general. So, I bought him a watch to ease my discomfort. I don’t like to spend money on myself, and my husband has no qualms about spending money on himself, so I didn’t feel very guilty because he probably would have spent the money elsewhere (and it was a significant chunk of change) if not for the ring. So, if your fiancé is spending what he feels to be a reasonable amount of money and he isn’t being pressured by you, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Post # 45
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

No because I didn’t care for a very expensive ring or diamond. Sure it would be nice, however I felt guilty thinking about him spending that much money on something like that. I enjoy our home and our hobbies way more than an expensive ring and it wasn’t in our budget to buy anything ridiculous. I used to want a ring that was $6k, when I told him that he said that was too bad because he couldn’t spend that on ring. In reality, he could have, but once I got over the butthurt part of it he was exactly right. There was no NEED for us personally to spend so much on one. I was thinking too much into how it would look to everyone else and he knocked me off my pedistal for sure. I’m so thankful now that he didn’t get that ring for me and we compromised. It’s not fair for him to spend so much money on something and the amount he spent does not equal how much he does or doesn’t love you. He makes up for that in many other ways and we are both happy with our decision.

This is just my personal opinion and there is nothing wrong with those who have expensive rings. We went through a hard time financially after he bought my ring due to family issues(not related to purchasing my ring) and if he would have had the payment on the first ring we would have probably needed to get rid of it until we got back on our feet again. So it all worked out for us!

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