(Closed) Do you ever feel guilty?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 46
Member
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I felt a little guilty when we first saw my ring – it was nearly twice the price of one that I had liked almost enough. I was worried it would be too much money, even though my now-FI said it was fine. 

there were a couple of other rings we looked at which he said were a bit too much, but they were MUCH more expensive. So it made me feel really comfortable to trust that the ring I did get was the right one.

Post # 47
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
confidenceinrain:  I think we might be the same person. My dream ring is a sapphire and I really want a vintage ring. They’re so timeless but unique. Plus sapphires are stuning, I’m not really a diamond person, I like colour too much. Out of interest where did you end up getting your ring from -and pictures please 🙂

Post # 48
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ll admit that my ring was pretty pricey (but not like CRAZY expensive), but I don’t feel guilty. My husband chose the stone (which is where the expense was) – I didn’t push for it. He could afford it and felt comfortable spending the money. We are older, already own a home and are stable financially, so it is what it is. 🙂 Honestly, I’d have been happy with a much less expensive ring – or even a plain gold band. 

Post # 49
Member
282 posts
Helper bee

I felt guilty, but our situation is a bit different. I was a totally different person when DH and I met and really immature and irresponsible (I was in my late 20’s at that). I constantly reminded DH when we were dating exactly what ring I wanted which was probably like a 20-25k ring. Looking back at the pressure I put on him back then, I feel really bad. It wasn’t that we couldn’t comfortably afford the ring, it just came to a point where I realized it was so petty and ridiculous. Put it this way, I could have Bill Gates money and I still wouldn’t spend that kind of money on a piece of jewelry. 

Post # 50
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

No guilt here because I have quite the opposite feelings than you do. For me the union of marriage is the same whether at a court house or at a private mansion. The feelings behind it and commitment is what is valued. What you spend on a wedding makes the affair, a dream come true but ends within hours. If money is no problem, by all means enjoy it all. Would I rather invest so much money on a short amount of hours, to all come to an end or be able to enjoy a ring on my hand that I will stare at daily and remind me of how much FI/future DH really did to surprise me? Even if all he could afford was a ring pop and I knew he sacrificed it all for me, I would be just as honored to wear it. For me a ring, even if it’s just a piece of jewelry, is something that can be passed down in generations to my children, etc. I will also add that I am realistic and acknowledge that it’s materialistic and may be lost, stolen, etc. With that said, my sentiments are behind the thought process and sacrifice done for your loved one. That is a value that Fiance currently reminds me that as long as he can give me the world, he will. Just him saying that, means the world to me because I know his sole purpose behind his gesture. It makes him feel proud to provide only the best for me because I am the best for him. The feeling is mutual though and I am all about giving him the world in return.

Post # 51
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t feel guilty even though my ring was $10k+. He picked the setting and chose to get it in platinum then he chose the diamond and looked at many before choosing this one. He chose it because he loved the color and clarity and sparkle, not because of the cost. We had looked at a few rings so he had an idea of the style I liked but I never thought he would spend so much. He didn’t go into debt to buy my rings. My wedding ring we picked out together and it was more than I thought we should spend but it looked beautiful with my ring and stands alone nicely too and it has a little tiny secret diamond on the inside that I love. His band was over a thousand but he also wanted what he wanted and I had savings for it.

We are older, have no kids at home and didn’t go into debt to get our rings. He is always happy to see my rings sparkle in the sun when we are out together and sometimes he plays with my ring on my finger when he is holding my hand. I think he is proud of his choices and that I love them. We will wear these the rest of our lives so it’s nice to have rings that we love!

Post # 52
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Temescal Lake House

when we first started looking at rings I showed him one I was in love with that was $6,500. He was making less money at the time and he had never went ring shopping so he had no idea how much diamonds actually cost. He was shocked and told me that was way too much and I felt sad and guilty for even asking. He’s making more now, we’ve been dating longer and he actually did research as to how much these things cost. So now, we picked out the ring and although pricy he was totally fine with it 

Post # 53
Member
7936 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i have a larger than average stone.  it was my grandmother’s diamond.  my mom gave my DH my grandmother’s ring.  said to use the stone and trade in the setting to put towards resetting the ring.  later my husband told me he took out a loan for resetting the stone.  i never asked him how much, the loan could have been a couple hundred or a couple thousand.  i just know he had a jeweler design the ring for me and it was perfect.

i don’t feel guilty for whatever he spent because my mom paid for our entire wedding.  my mom also helps us out whenever she can although i tell her we don’t need it.

Post # 54
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
emibee:  I agree, that thinking is very stupid. A diamond ring doesn’t show how much he loves you! 

to answer your question: I would feel guilty, selfish and stupid if my husband would have to take out a loan to buy me a piece of jewelry! IF he was super rich and 5K or 10K or whatever wouldn’t be an issue for him, I’d feel better, but I wouldn’t even want to walk around with so much cash on my hand.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by RosaBride.
Post # 55
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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emibee:  I did (I actually posted and almost identical thread when I first joined) but he set a budget he was comfortable with and I fell in love with a ring that was well below that. Even so I felt guilty for spending so much of someone elses money, so I took us on vacation.

Post # 56
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I felt a little guilty at first, but he insisted that he wanted to get me something large – I mean, he wanted like 2 carats or more but ended up getting 1.31. We came up with a budget we could live with and did a lot of research to figure out which characteristics were important to us and which would save the most money. I have absolutely no guilt now, I love my ring and love that it is the ring he wanted to get me.

Post # 57
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I felt a bit guilty at first when we started looking for my “upgrade” but since I was paying half it wasn’t so bad. I insisted on paying half because it’s not my first ring. He just told me he wanted me to be happy period. Whether I paid half or not at all. I’d rather have the man and the marriage over the ring and wedding everyday but since we have to wait for the marriage he wants me to be happy while we wait out our long (4yr) engagement. Mainly because by the time we are finished buying land and putting up a custom house we’ll be over the million mark. financiallly my ring will be a drop in the theortical bucket. Plus we’re frugal people by nature so splurging for this was ok for me for once. I guess its really all about where you draw your personal lines. Just my 2 cents 🙂

Post # 58
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

Initially, I did feel guilty about falling in love with the ring that I did. Sometimes now when I look down at my ring, I still have twinges of guilt (mostly awe), because it’s beautiful and I know that my husband moved mountains and scraped and saved to buy it for me. But what I think more about is that it’s what he WANTED to do. After 8 years, he made this happen and he even picked out a bigger diamond than what I had originally thought I was getting because he wanted to. So, while he was saving and working OT, I did feel bad, but he did exactly what he wanted to do because that’s what he wanted. I didn’t  ask for 2 carats, but that’s what he wanted me to have so how can I feel bad for that? I initially tried to select a diamond that was within I thought his budget was and then he did whatever he wanted in the end.

I’d say in your situation, since he didn’t tell you the budget, just pick what you like and let him figure it out. In the end, it’s definitely worth the wait!

Post # 59
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Years ago, when we were broke college kids, I would have died if he spent $5k on a ring! We had so many other important things to worry about spending money on, I seriously would have made him return it. 

Now, I don’t think twice about a nice sparkly present once a year or so, we both have great jobs in the fields we went to school for, and we are on the same page financially. We worked so hard to get where we are, so while we are generally pretty frugal people, I refuse to feel guilty over the occasional indulgence. I’ve loved my bling since I was a kid

Everyone needs to indulge, and have soemthing special they enjoy, for some that’s a ring, for others it might be a gun collection, trying new restaurants, working on cars, designer purses, multiple trips a year, etc. 

I don’t think anyone should feel guilty about their ring, regardless of how much it cost, unless they somehow forced their fiance to purchase something outside their means or put themselves in to debt over it. The point of life is to enjoy it! 

Post # 60
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - City, State

I feel a little guilty since I changed my original engagement ring setting and once we upgrade my diamond this month it’ll be over $10K for my e-ring alone. I won’t be upgrading ever again since my halo setting could only accommodate 1.5 carats max anyway lol. Which is more than enough. But this is something I’m going to wear forever and my husband just wants to make me happy any way he can. I’m so blessed to have him. Also we have combined finances so we’re both paying for it this time.

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