- 6 years ago
I don’t feel guilty…I feel appreciative…
I don’t feel guilty…I feel appreciative…
I am on the opposite end of the spectrum on this.
I directed my SO (at the time) to a smaller diamond in hopes he could afford it sooner; and he did buy it within a month or so…
BUT now we are looking at an upgrade (only 4 years into marriage) because I am so disappointed with the size I chose. Now I feel guilty for pushing him to buy the small stone knowing if I would have just let him do his thing and pick the ring we would have had a larger stone in the first place. We always talked about upgrading me, so it’s not too evil, but I always wish I would have let him pick what he wanted to give me.
Fiance gave me a budget of $7000 for my engagement ring. In the end I chose one costing $1500. Did I feel guilty at the thought of a $7000 ring? Yes a bit, but the real reason I went for a less expensive option is because deep down I knew I would never enjoy a $7000 ring. I’d be constantly worried of losing it, breaking the stone, what if I didn’t like it in years to come? I love my ring and cherish it, but this way I know if something were to go wrong, it wouldn’t be the worst thing to replace it.
I’ve always wanted a solitaire diamond over .75ct (Big fingers). I didn’t expect anything over 0.95 since the prices jump by a lot more from 1ct And you can’t see the difference between a 0.9 with a 1.0 usually.
It wasn’t until we started shopping that my Fiance told me that he always envision getting me at least 1.0ct and refused to look at rings under that. no complaints from me. 😁
I initially felt guilty because the other specs I want were quite pricey. But he told me not to worry about because he still has plenty of “earning potential”.
I knew our proposal/engagement/wedding process was abnormal, but I guess I didn’t realize we were so firmly in the minority! This thread has been interesting and enlightening.
I didn’t wait for a proposal and my husband didn’t buy my ring. Our lives and finances were intertwined well before we were married, so it was a mutual decision to buy a ring. I absolutely would have felt uncomfortable with him buying a ring for me, regardless of price. We bought it together. Once we hit “buy” on the website, we told people we were engaged. I’m sure this is rare, but it worked for us.
My original ring is a little vintage sapphire that was purchased for less than our current monthly cell phone bill. I adore the ring, my only regret is that we didn’t consider the longevity of the setting. It’s now being replaced because it’s just not holding up, otherwise I would wear it into death. We originally looked at rings in a jewelry store, but I felt immediately sick to my stomach seeing something expensive on my finger. It’s just not my style. I say that without judgment though – we have multiple new cars and replace them every year or so. I have friends who have significantly more expensive rings, but don’t care what car they drive. Of course, it’s up to individual choice where you prioritize spending! For us, it was not in a ring. It was my husband’s idea to replace my ring and I felt deep, immediate regret upon opening the new one. I’ve since returned it for something far more subdued. I just… can’t. I can’t do it.
To give some funny perspective though — my husband is a snowmobiler. These things are EASILY $13,000 and get replaced every year or two. Of course we sell the old one before getting the new one, but they have massive depreciation. I don’t blink an eye at “losing” $5000 in 2 years for a snowmobile, but I would never, ever wear a $5000 ring on my finger, even if that same ring lasted for the next 60 years. It’s absolutely impossible for me to ever consider asking for and/or expecting a $5000 gift from my husband, ring or otherwise. It’s all about perspective!
I felt guilty, so I paid for half the ring. Problem solved.
We didn’t have a proposal, we had a conversation and decided to get married. I would say I’m definitely in the minority that I am actually against men having to buy women engagement rings. I love the look of large solitaire diamond rings, but I just couldn’t justify the cost of the ring I would want for what else we could do with the money (renovate our downstairs bathroom, amazing honeymoon in Paris). In the end, I decided to go with Moissanite so I got the look of the ring I wanted without the pricetag. I’m the one that picked it out and he just wanted to make sure I wouldn’t regret not having a diamond down the road. I don’t feel guilty and I know I would if we had spent the money it would cost to get a diamond ring eqivalent to my 7mm moissy. I know I’m very different in my opinion on this matter though. 😊
I regularly tell my wife that if she really wants to upgrade my silver Engagement Ring, she shouldn’t get a real diamond bigger than 0.5 ct because it’ll look ridiculous on me (I’ve tried and it’s true!), and I’ll also hang her by her shoelaces if she spends over 1k.
But if your partner isn’t disgruntled by your ring choice, I don’t see a reason to feel guilt. If you forced them to spend more than they are comfortable with, then maybe. Personally I like to think of it in terms of value-by-wear. If you’re wearing a 5k ring for 20 years, you’re only really paying 250 a year, or 0.68 dollars a day.
Edit: I didn’t even tell him how large or show him expensive rings. On the contrary, I preffered gem stone or non white diamonds…and I really didn’t care for big stones since I am a clutz. I asked him for non white stones or gem stones and yellow gold…so he picked this one out all on his own…and when I found out the price months later I thought he didn’t have to spend so much.
I actually feel much worse about every other wedding expense (dress, flowers, etc.) than the ring! At least the ring is something you wear every single day so as long as your fiancé doesn’t go way outside of what he can afford then I’d say just enjoy it. 🙂 It’s a semi practical purchase, especially compared to everything else that you only use for a day!
I did a little at first because we were just coming out of a huge financial crisis before we got engaged. My fiance had been at his new job for about a month and a half. Also, I got his engagement ring for way less money. I’m over it now because I understand that he wants me to have only the best and that he doesn’t care how much I did or didn’t spend on him.
I feel guilty bc I don’t like my ring, though I was the one who chose it. The size is totally ok, it’s about setting, and I hate to spend more money to fix my own mistake.
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