(Closed) Do you ever feel guilty for being happy?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

that seems contradictory. To feel happy yet guilty at the same time; is that even possible?

And no, I don’t feel guilty. I have my bad days, just like everyone else, even though I’m happy for the most part. And I also do what I can for those who may not be less fortunate. 

Post # 18
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Never…I agree with everyone making their own happiness…if something is causing you unhappiness cut it out of your life.  Who has the time or energy to let anything or anyone bring negativity to your life?

 

Post # 19
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

OP, maybe you could elaborate a little??

Post # 20
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Absolutely not! I have been to hell and back, several times. I DESERVE happiness!

Post # 21
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Some people in my life try to make me feel guilty for being so happy, or belittle my accomplishments/relationships.

Sometimes it gets to me, but after a few minutes I brush it off.

Post # 22
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Nope!  Never.

That’s not to say that I’m not self-aware enough to be sensitive to others, though.  For example, if I had a friend who was waiting for her boyfriend to propose, I wouldn’t rub my marital bliss in her face and if I had a friend who was having a hard time conceiving, I wouldn’t throw my pregnancy in her face by talking about it all the time (btw, I’m not actually pregnant).

I think there’s a big difference, though, between being sensitive and feeling guilty.  I feel happy, but occasionally I just keep it to myself.  🙂

Post # 23
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

sometimes… DH & I both had realitively easy childhoods & very supportive parents, good role models, etc.  We were very fortunate to have such a wonderful support system & to find eachother so young.  We’ve also been very blessed financially for our age (we work hard but we have a lovely home & 10 acres that I run a horse training facility from).  Our friends have all had tough breaks, not-so-great upbringings, & are from a more blue collar world so school wasn’t really pushed on them like it was us (see financially stable comment above). 

DH & I are both very positive happy people & people like to be around us but I can’t help but feel that everything I’ve ever wanted was handed to me compared to our friends.  So I can see where OP is coming from.

Post # 23
Member
269 posts
Helper bee

I know this is an old thread, but I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt lately. I just got married and should be happy, but I have friends who also want to get married and they haven’t found anyone yet, which makes me guilty. I want my friends to be happy as well… Of course, I realise that marriage doesn’t equal happiness and no marriage doesn’t mean you can’t be happy, but it seems really important to them.

Then again, one of them only wants to date guys above a certain income level and another woman I worked with in my previous job said she felt alone, but never went out and shut down almost all my and others’ attempts for social contacts, so I guess some people make their own misfortune?

But I also have a friend who is lovely, the nicest and most responsible person ever, and she had her mother run out on her as a child, her father pressuring her career-wise which led to her health being destroyed due to grad school stress, which also destroyed her self-confidence etc. I love her and it pains me to see her unhappy. I know she wishes me nothing but happiness, but I feel guilty. She was there for me during the worst time of my life, and I can’t help her at all. I can’t be that one special person who she wants so badly. A spouse is different from a friend, even a very good friend…

But, as I just alluded to, it’s not like my life was all roses and sunshine so far. I was bullied at school, my parents would fight a lot and blame me for having to stay together, they would treat my younger brother preferentially and scapegoat me etc. We have a much better relationship now, so much so that I dread their eventual passing because we finally get along, and I guess after my past, I am still afraid of lacking the coping skills to deal with being parentless in later adulthood, even though I’ve lived alone and all.

I also have endometriosis and thyroid problems which cause depression – the doctors always seem to think I need less medication than I really need, so I’m always fighting to get enough to keep the depression away. It’s really not as if I have an easy life – my first work place was horrible, I was harrassed by bosses and co-workers, and now, grad school is tough as well. But I also feel really grateful for still having much more than others do, and I’m scared if I get too complacent, it will all get taken away.

Maybe that’s what many people mean when they say ‘guilt’?

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