(Closed) Do you ever feel guilty?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Yes, my parents aren’t rich by any stretch of the imagination. They NEVER gave me a budget, not saying that I had an unlimited one or anything, but it made me nervous about choosing things. My parents have made me feel like I deserve it because I have got my eduaction and waited (i’m 29). I’m still in school so we are like the same person, I don’t have a job because my school is pretty much a job (I have a bahelors, but have gone bacck for a nursing degree). I live off my savings that I have from a previous job and I live with my parents, my Fiance lives in another state.

My Fiance is paying for the flowers and I’m an buying a FEW small things like my accessories and Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts. I am also making the programs to save that expense.

I would talk to them about how they are making  you feel. Holding it in is only going to make it worse.

Post # 5
41 posts
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think your age should matter. You’re entitled to a beautiful wedding regardless if you are 20, 100, or anywhere in between. If I were in your situation, I would politely point out that the money is a gift and will be used in the best way you and your fiance see fit.   Is it a certain thing that you and your fi will be buying a home right away?  If not, you can point that out.  I’m sure everything will work out and you’ll have a beautiful wedding!

Post # 6
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time babe.  Your parents should be ashamed of themselves… just because you’re not getting married at 22 doesn’t mean that you don’t want a nice wedding!  That’s absurd.  I’d probably tell them if they wanted to continue to belittle my choices then they could keep their money and I’d do it my own way.  I know it’s tough, since you’re not working right now though… really puts you in a hard place.  I just can’t stand negativity, though.. at all.  I’m really easy going about most things, but that’s one thing I can’t take.. especially when dealing with my wedding.  Is there anyway that they can just give you and your Fiance the amount they agreed to and you can go shopping and purchase the things you want without consulting them??

Post # 7
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My parents paid as well and I definitely felt guilty about spending a lot of money.

We did everything for about $5000 but I didn’t even want to spend that much.

My sister didn’t get the big wedding so I think my parents wanted to make sure one of us got a nice wedding even it is was on a budget.

Post # 9
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Dont feel guilty you deserve it thats what Im telling myself lol… Fiance and I are paying for our whole wedding. I know that I could be using the money to make more than just our min payment on car payments etc it could go to another use, but we work hard and I think that we deserve to have a beautiful wedding. and I think you deserve the same!!!

Post # 10
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

don’t allow yourself to feel guilty.  Of course you are entitled to a big wedding.  As you said, you’ve never been married before and 30 isn’t exactly old to be getting married!! 

Post # 11
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You really need to sit with your parents.  Remind them that they gave you the money with the understanding that it could be used for anything you wanted and you really want a nice wedding.  It may not be the most practical thing, but it is important to you.  If they keep giving you a hard time, the best thing to do might be to give the money back and figure out the wedding yourself.  Otherwise, they will continue to make you miserable.  If you can swing a part time job, you might consider that to help with expenses.

I got plenty of crap about the one day thing from a lot people.  Since we paid for the vast majority of it ourselves, I had no problem ignoring it.

Post # 12
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Biggest place we saved money was on the venue. We had it at my church where my family has been members for 30 years and we paid them less than $1000 for their huge outdoor courtyard and a huge meeting room for the reception with an attached kitchen. (all built less than 8 years ago in Manhattan Beach, it’s still very nice, not your average rundown church hall, lol).

Food was $1000 since we had heavy hors d’ouerves instead of a sit down meal. We had 100 people and I didn’t tell the caterer it was a wedding. My dress was less than $500. Flowers were done by a friend for a few hundred. Cake was done by a friend who is a baker for $100. I did my own invitations.

Our centerpieces were books, scrabble tiles, and flowers. Decor was bought online ($100 for tablecloths, $60 for flower balls, etc.) and a lot of it was DIY or borrowed from friends. My dad made our wedding arbor. I did my own makeup and my hair was $40. Shoes were $35 and I still wear them. Veil was $25 and my mom bought my necklace as a gift.

It was definitely a budget wedding but I just couldn’t have handled paying a lot more for a day even though it wasn’t my money. Maybe even because it wasn’t.

Post # 13
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@flutterbi: I don’t feel guilty but I am in a similar situation.  I will be 30 and my Fiance will be 32 when we get married and my Mom is giving us a lump sum to contribute which will cover about 20% of the total wedding.  The way I see it, being a little bit older actually means that we (well I’m a student too, so mostly FI) are more established in our careers and can afford a nicer wedding than we could have in our early 20’s.  

I think your best bet is to not tell people how much things cost if at all possible.  I know I’ve mentioned some details such as cost of photographer and honeymoon to my parents and they seemed to think that was excessive.  So I’ll probably just keep everyone in the dark. 

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