(Closed) Do you ever feel like you have something to prove?

posted 10 years ago in Encore
Post # 17
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ve heard the “track record” comment myself and all I can say is I’ve lived and learned. I had a marriage to a good man when I was 19 -had to get married, it was a “sin” to live together. However, as he aged into his later adolescence of early 20s, he developed symptoms of bi-polar disorder and it was the early 1980s – who knew?? All I knew was I became a bit afraid of his unpredictable behavior and he became more interested in self-mediacting wth liquor & pot. I was only 22. After him I married the guy I though was stable, didn’t know he was a woman-hating, passive aggressive, self-loathing man who hid his personality defects under a smile. To know him was to be emotionally devastated by him. Just ask our daughter, now 15 who gets the same treatment I did. I stayed for 25 years, determined not to fail in a marriage again. But neither relationship was my failing. So now, with my impending 3rd marriage, only a few people realize that despite the previous vows, neither relationship was a true marriage.

My advice to you is, only YOU can know what you are going into in this upcoming marriage. Anyone who wants to celebrate with you should be welcomed, and those who don’t support you should not matter. You don’t need the support or good wishes of others to have a good marriage. It really is between you and your Fiance.

Post # 19
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

As a woman and an ex-wife, I know exactly how you feel.  I left my ex-husband for alot of reasons but my family all felt, that I should have sticked it out, not for love but because of the support he gave me.  I did not want to be like my mom and stay with a man because of money.  I wanted love, true love.  My parents still have not forgiven me for leaving my ex even though me and him have a wonderful friendship and he has remarried, but to them, I am not doing what they think I should be doing.  They are not even coming to the wedding, even though honestly i am relieved and did not want them there.  I want to be able to enjoy the day and not have to feel like I am impressing them or getting upset because they are sulking there.  It is hard to explain why they are not coming, but I feel it is their loss not mine.  I am a grown woman and have found my soul mate.  My mom remarried for a second time and is still with my stepdad, but not because of love but because of the financial support he gives her.  I will not make the same mistakes she did. 

There are going to be alot of people out there who still feel like marriage should be forever and stay together even if you are unhappy.  But you have to make yourself happy and if they cannot be happy for you, then they do not deserve to have you in their lives.  I know easier said that done, but it does get eaasier. 

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