Sorry this is long….I have been dealing with this issue for years. My husband and I were together for 7 years before we got engaged. In the beginning, for the first few years or so, his mom simply failed to ever include me in a verbal invite to an event: “Matt, we hope you can come for Easter” or “We’d love it if you could come” or “do you want to come over for dinner next week?” We were living together after 2 years, and still she never said: “can you guys come?” He would say to me “it’s implied” or “of course you are invited”. It ate at me and caused many fights, so eventually he called them out and she began to verbally invite “us” and not just him.
But she then she started a new tactic, where she would come up with plans and not tell him, mostly little things that involved a hockey ticket, to try to lock him in. One time he was going to go to a hockey game with his dad, he gets there and the mom and sis and sis’ boyfriend were there, had the sisters birthday dinner before the game, and had gotten extra tickets for them so they all went to the game.
Finally we got engaged, we were so excited, etc. During our engagement, his grandfather died, and without telling him again, she booked tickets to TX for the funeral, for her and the dad, the SIL and her husband of a year, and Matt. A ticket was not purchased for his fiancé and Girlfriend of 7 years. They did not even mention me until my fiancé called them very upset. It was horrible. we tried to buy me a ticket, but the cost was $2000 on such short notice, and so we decided for 2 days it was financially impossible. Worst weekend for the both of us.
We were married this last November. I am a nurse, and had to work on xmas day, so my family had a big thing on xmas eve, invited them and they came and we all had a great time. (Weirdly, Mother-In-Law and I get along great when we are together, which just makes it all the more confusing).
Then a few days after xmas, she called left a message for my husband: “since we didnt spend xmas day together, and mb (me) has to work, we were hoping you could come and we can have a little Christmas together as a family” (exaft words!)
Not even married a month, and she is trying to have a private Christmas on the one day i could not come, “apparently” that was the only day the sis could do it. I guess Christmas with my family didnt count. He told her no, not appropriate if i couldn’t b there, his new bride.!
I have grown a lot over the years, most of the time i don’t let it get to me, but sometimes it still stings…Please tell me if I am overreacting. Or just need a thicker skin…thanks for reading