(Closed) do you ever get tired…or am i the only one….need some bee advice

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Anyone else lying about being ok with waiting more than they feel they should....
    always : (6 votes)
    19 %
    somedays : (11 votes)
    35 %
    i have before but not often : (9 votes)
    29 %
    never! : (5 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2224 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    If its bothering you a LOT, I think you might want to have a chat with him. Do not nag or whine because that’ll just shut him down but calmly and logically explain the issues that bother you. Before you talk to him, sit down with a paper n pencil and write out a list of everything upsetting you. Figure out what hurts the most on that list and try to identify precisely why it hurts so much. Do the same for any other issue that is bugging you the most about waiting so much. Then you have something to look at and can put into a nice, calm discussion instead of speaking emotionally off the cuff, which may get ugly. I just recently did this with my SO and the discussion made me feel a whole lot better.

    I hope you get some resolution soon!

    Post # 5
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2015

     

    @softballchic_2006:I feel the same way as you! My sister had a hysterectomy at 27, and all 3 of the girls have endometriosis in my family. (me and my sisters). My Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t understand that we have a small ticking clock, because of this. We’ve been together close to 5 years, and his family calls me their daughter and what not but I have found myself recently telling them I am not. I get frustrated that in reality I am not their daughter and I am not his wife.. I feel bad but at the same time, I just want my Boyfriend or Best Friend to realize that technically I am not their daughter because we are still just dating. I hate feeling this way!

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee

    Have you explained to him that if he wants 3-4 kids, and if you are supposed to (ideally) wait 1-2 years between pregnancies, this means it will take you 6-8 years to have that many.

    Is he open to some sort of compromise?  Like a shorter engagement that starts sooner so that you can start having kids in your late 20’s?  Or if you the 2-3 year engagement starting later, then maybe he’d be willing to start having kids as soon as you are married?

    I would also try to educate him about PCOS and endo using websites and books so that he understands your urgency.  Hopefully he realizes that these sorts of things REALLY don’t come with a guarantee and he might not be able to plan things as well as he’d like.

    Post # 8
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Aw I’m sorry. Talk to him! I feel for you. Especially because I know a couple people who stuck around for 8+ years and ended up having to walk away in the end. It’s tough walking away because you feel like you wasted the best years of your life “waiting”. 

    The bigger issue is that if you want to have kids you are risking wasting your fertile years next to someone who may never be ready. That’s just your reality. You need to think and talk to him.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3968 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I feel like some guys (my SO included) have these ideal timeframes, but they aren’t actually doing the math themselves, they just like the sound of oh, 2 years from now, then 2 year engagement, easy-peasy. My SO was like, well, I’m not sure if I want to get married before I’m done with grad school (He wanted to feel like he could make a major contribution financially to our new “family”), at least a year engagement, and at least 3 years before children, but OH, he also mentioned that he’d like TTC in his early thirties. Well guess what, mister. Based on your current age, that is IMPOSSIBLE, and I am really not going to wait another 5 years (we’ve been together 4.5 already) to get married. Once I visually wrote it all out and he saw it, he was like, “OH. Nevermind.” WHAT?!??!!?! Men. Ughhhh!

    Post # 11
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @softballchic_2006:  It really does help having someone else to talk to about it. We were together when my older sister got her hysterectomy, so I think that helped with him, but the biggest thing was going to the OBGYN with me and having her explain what endo was. He got a lot of information out of it, and confessed to me, that it didn’t seem that big of a deal at first, because it wasn’t causing me constant pain after I got on BC. Maybe try taking your boyfriend into the OBGYN, with you, so that he understands what it is, and why it’s not just about having a baby right now, but you just want to make sure that you have healthy babies.That may help him..

    Post # 12
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I don’t really have experience with the enometriosis, but I could imagine how frustrating and anxious it is making you. I’m sorry you have to worry about this as every woman deserves the right to carry healthy children. On the waiting part, I think communication is key. Guys can’t read our minds. I thought my guy could and assumed he was thinking of proposing at some point cause we were together for so long, and everyone around us (who have been together waaaayy less than us) was getting engaged, and his whole family kept asking when it would happen. Anyway, turns out he was so preoccupied with school and trying to make a living that he didn’t really think about it. So after talking with him as to why it’s reasonable to do it sooner rather than later he completely understood, and now we have a plan. 

    I don’t think guys have the timeline like women do for moving forward with marriage. Definitely explain this to him in a calm manner and appreciative tone for all his love and hopefully you guys can get a plan going. Wish you all the best 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @softballchic_2006:  That’s a great idea! As a partner both really must learn to support each other through the hard stuff. I hope all goes well

    Post # 15
    Member
    276 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    yup. i feel exactly the same.. My clock is ticking away too.. my mother went through menopause VERY early.. so i always worry about the same thing.. and i’m 28 and i also would prefer to wait untill we’re married a few years and have a house before having a baby… that’s obviously subject to change if need be, but still.. 

    I get very TIRED of waiting… and right now i am exhausted… i also feel like we can only have the same converstation so many times and at what point does it become just talk… i feel like smoke is being blowed up my ass because i have yet to see what he is doing to take any steps foward in our relationship… (sorry for the crude choice of words! 😉 

    Post # 16
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I hear you…I’m gettin these lovely coments, since I’m 35, I get the “Oh my, don’t you want to have kids?  You guys better get going!”

    grrrrr!

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