(Closed) Do you ever have moments where feel like you might want kids?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

 I think your feelings sound completely normal. I think the most important thing you could do is have a open honest convo with your FI about your feelings. You need to be on the same page before getting married. Best case scenario he feels the same way or is atleast will entertain the thought of children someday if you have a change of heart. Worst case- he says not way will he ever want kids. And that is something you have to really consider because if this feeling you have keeps growing and you end up wanting to be a parents and he doesn’t – that can cause a lot of marital problems/resentment. Are you doing premarital couseling? Maybe thats a good time to discuss it. 

Post # 4
Member
4314 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Interesting. Responding for replies. I have the opposite problem. H wants kids and I said I would but I have never ever felt this way and I’m 31 :/

Post # 6
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Ugh. This is my brain every.day. Hubby is ok either way, but I just have no clue what to do. I’m in my early 30’s so I feel like I have to decide soon, but every time I talk to friends that have kids (of all ages), all I hear is, “I’m so tired, I wish I had more free time, this is so hard…” It’s not really a compelling argument when the only positive thing I hear is, “It’s worth it.” Really? Because it doesn’t seem like it! I think the best thing is just to keep an open line of communication and talk about it now and then. Pros and cons, etc. I’m commenting mostly because I’m so glad I’m not the only one that struggles with this!!

Post # 7
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yeah — I did a 180 on this one.  I made my husband promise he was fine with not having kids before we got married.  Then, once we were married I started rethinking things.  Now, almost four years later, I’m super excited to maybe get to have kids in the next couple of years.  I never brought it up in a big, heavy conversation or anything.  I just mentioned it in passing now and then.  He’s on board — I think he always assumed I would change my mind.  It’s what his mom did….

Post # 8
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m childfree. I’ve definitely had times where I questioned that choice, and I’ve noticed that when I imagine having a child, I actually feel fear that I might discover I do want to have a kid. (SO. MUCH. WORK!)

But I think it’s really important not to resist those feelings — to let them move through you and pay attention to them. So I make myself pay attention, no matter how much it scares me. After all, this is a huge decision, and at some point, it becomes an irreversible one. It’s okay – even wise – to let yourself ponder those whims, I think.

Mine have never been strong enough, or lasted long enough, to speak to FI about them. But if yours are, it’s super important to share your confusion with your FI! Maybe talking to him will help clarify that these *are* just whims – or the very opposite!

Either way, think of your sudden indecision as proof that life stays interesting, even after you think you’ve got all the big issues settled. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
4664 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SouthernGirl:  Once in awhile I’ll get a little pang, usually because one of my fourth graders did something adorable, but then I remember the reality of having your own vs. getting to play with them from 9-3 on weekdays… and when I imagine the reality, instead of the kodak moment, I recoil in horror and realize that parents are probably better people than me and I should never have children.

Post # 11
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am a big fan of a t-chart- pros one side and negatives the other.

For me (and my partner), the pros of not having a child far outweight the negatives. Have I thought about a life with a baby, sure. But in the end the path less travelled is the one we choose to take. I don’t follow anyone elses life script but my own 😉

Good luck, and never feel bad if you do change your mind- you only get one chance at your life. Make it the life you want!

Post # 12
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

FI and I have decided to be childless by choice but I have those moments too. And I think about the real reasons why I have the feelings. For me it comes down to that I enjoy the sweet time with other people’s babies but I only see the good. I don’t have to deal with the bad and I know I don’t want to. I don’t want to plan my vacations around school time, make dinner every night, wake up early to make breakfast and send them off to school, not have sex with FI when and whereever, deal with ungratefullness, rebellion, and temper tantrums, or have a kid throwing up on me, etc… For some people these reasons seem really selfish but I love my freedom and my current relationship with FI.

Post # 13
Member
8474 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

When I used to teach kindergarten, I thought it was so sweet to see my students run up to their moms at dismissal, hugging them like crazy, and I always thought how sweet that would be, for my child to run up to me like that.

 

Post # 14
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I want children someday in the not too distant future but am relishing my ‘single time’ in the present moment. 

 

My grandfather recently passed away, surrounded by his wife and 4 children. If you don’t have kids, who is going to surround you on your deathbed? Just a thought, and I know full well that plenty of people are not lucky enough to die in their old age. 

Post # 15
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@amyinbrisbane:  Nice bingo, my friend!

I think worrying about who will surround your deathbed is an incredibly silly reason to have children. 

Also, as someone who worked in palliative care I can assure you that many, many ederly people (way more than you would ever think) with multiple children and grandchildren die very much alone. Because having children does not mean someone will be there to visit or care for you when you are old. Trust me.

The topic ‘Do you ever have moments where feel like you might want kids?’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors