(Closed) Do you ever miss being single?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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halfling:  i don’t miss it even a little bit! The thought of dating again sounds so beyond exhausting! but I have to say I don’t get your reasons! While single and since being with my husband I have always lived the way I wanted….still do. I truly feel like I do what I want 100% of the time, and anything that affects the household or both of us we always deide together, big or small. The things you mentioned are all things that shouldn’t HAVE to change if you don’t want them to, and are TOTALLY controllable:

–Doesnt your husband contribute enough to the the food expenses that it’s a wash, or even tilted in your favor vs. when you were single?

–Husband and I do our own thing for food and I can’t remember when we ate the same thing at home. We dont not have the same taste in food at all — plus I like to graze all thru the day where he likes a big post-gym meal at night. So we each just take care of ourselves and eat what we want. You can still spend time together during meals…but why do you have to eat the same exact thing?

–Can’t you work out a budget to where each you and your husband get some “free money” for yourself each month where you alone get to decide what to spend it on? I have one account my husband doesn’t even see. After we each contribute what we agree on to our communal family budget and savings, we have out own accounts the other one doesn’t even watch or care about it. It works well

–The other things just seem kind of controlling. Why would your husband bat an eye if you make a comment about an actor? Does he police what you wear? Those things should definitely be addressed if he is saying/doing things to make you feel that way. If he isn’t, then you are creating those issues in your head.

Sorry I guess I just don’t see how or why a lot of this should arrise out of getting married. All of this is within your control….so if you miss it, change it!!!

 

Post # 47
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Before getting married, I lived with my mom would baby me by cooking and doing my laundry (she’s a control freak, it’s her kitchen, her laundry etc). Sometimes I remember this when I have to cook dinner haha

Post # 48
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee

I love DH and can’t imagine my life without him but I do miss my alone time and certain small freedoms. For instance, buying what I want when I want because I knew my budget (and smaller home) could encompass The expenditures. Having the TV to myself. Cleaning a whole hell of a lot less. Not having to worry about what I cook because he’s a very picky eater. Not worrying about making noise in the morning when I get up early to go to the gym. I’m a little lucky because DH works every 3rd Saturday and I use that alone time to its fullest!!!

Post # 49
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This seems like a lot of red flags for me!! Particularly the travelling, and the clothing. I’ve been married for 3 years, and I travel all the time even out-of-country with friends, or literally just by myself. It’s awesome. Um, excuse me, you can’t dress the way you did before you were married? Agree fully with some PPs; that is scary and pretty messed up. ๐Ÿ™ Finally, it’s unimaginable to me that you couldn’t express crushes on ficional charactters, let alone real people – my DH and I talk about celebrities we think are hot, and even people while people-watching, allll the time, it’s great fun!

I would never change or censor myself to the extent you describe. Best of luck figuring out what to do in this situation… I hope very much that it is not a scenario with controlling or abusive behaviour ๐Ÿ™

Post # 50
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I have never been single :/ met my husband at 16 and moved from home to into him when I turned 18.  At times I wish I was just so I didnt have to answer to anyone. I wouldnt live in my home country and wouldnt have money stress or be arguing about him buying a motorbike like we are at the moment haha.

 

But Couldnt imagine dating !! I see my friends go through it and it seems awful. And besides I could not imagine life without him so no would not want to be single as I love waking up to and coming home to him everyday 

Post # 51
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I miss aubergine. My boyfriend HATES aubergine. We eat together every day though, so aubergine is a big no. If he’s ever away for work again though then maybe I’ll feast on aubergine. I also love really hot food. I eat my food hotter than anyone I know, love me a red hot curry. But what’s really mild to me is red hot to him. It sucks. I miss oodles of chili.

Post # 52
Member
274 posts
Helper bee

Not married yet just engaged, but I don’t miss being single. After getting married I think it’s possible to “miss” my single days, as I am an only-child and I was used living just with my mom so I had plently of alone time which I liked. On the other hand Fiance is very easy-going, he will definitely give me the space I need ( I hope lol).

Post # 53
Member
274 posts
Helper bee

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anniebunny:  Lol I agree so much! ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 54
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Absolutely not. I hear the stories from my single friends and it sounds like an exhausting mess so I’m so glad to be out of that mess. 

However,  I do enjoy a night to myself occasionally,  takeaway and film,  some proper me time ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 55
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

OP: the only time my partner and I have missed our single lives is when we weren’t doing enough independent things on our own away from each other. Maybe that’s behind this? 

 

And I totally understand the clothing thing- I’ve matured and grown up so much, so my tastes have developed along with my relationship. I dress as I please, but i think if you’re in a loving intimate relationship, thongs can’t help but change. Like before my SO, I’d wear very busty things- like padded and push-up bras- but my SO loves a smaller bust- which I naturally have- so I felt more comfortable being true to myself and wearing less massive – and downright gorgeous – bras. 

Example: when I first met my SO, his dress sense wasn’t very flattering to his amazing physique, so we went shopping one day, and I complemented certain colours and styles on him. It didn’t mean that I was controlling, or even that he would give a shit about what I thought, but I think he really appreciated my input. Likewise, if me and SO are going to a party, he might help me choose which dress to wear because I get all stressed and indecisive. I’m sorry some posters here are judging your situation without understanding. 

Post # 56
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Just tell the DH: “Tonight’s Menu Options: Take it, or leave it :D”! DONE! lol

You know, you both could have a day in the week where it’s “open kitchen night” and he can cook his own meal, while you cook your own. That way you’re eating what you each like!

Splurge on an outfit that makes you feel amazing! There’s nothing wrong with feeling confident and sexy. Heck, he’ll probably be turned on by that too lol.

You could even take a day for you! Marriage is a partnership, not a sentence lol. Sure, there’s a lot of compromise involved but there’s nothing stating that you have to give up everything from when you were single, right? In no way am I saying, act like you’re single lol, I just mean things like eating foods you enjoy, dressing the way you like, maybe hanging out with the gals.

Have fun!

Post # 57
Member
401 posts
Helper bee

Nope, not even a little. My husband had a job for a couple years that required him to travel exensively on a weekly basis. There would be several weeks in a row that I’d see him on Sunday, drop him off Monday morning at the airport at 4:00 AM and then not see him again til, yes, the next Sunday.

It sucked royally. I had a taste of what it was to be single again – evenings free to do whatever I wanted, could eat whatever I wanted, had nobody else impeding my schedule. Honestly? All I could do was miss him and wish I had him here to eat dinner with, go walk the dogs, watch a stupid show, go to bed together, take care of stuff around the house, make dinner for. I hated it.

So, no. I don’t miss single life at all. 

Post # 58
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Not even a little bit. I hated being single and I hated living on my own. 

I will say though that my husband lets me do pretty much whatever I want (within reason, obviously he doesn’t let me sleep with other guys lol), if I don’t want to cook or clean, fine. We’ll get takeout and leave the mess for another day. If I want to buy something for myself, fine. If I want to spend all day on a Netflix binge eating candy, that’s fine too. My husband also works a lot, so I still get more alone time than I need.

I wasn’t very “free” when I was single. I never had any money. I couldn’t travel or really do anything. I sat in my apartment alone watching TV and eating frozen pizzas most of the time. Or getting shitfaced at a bar and spending the entire next day hungover. 

Post # 59
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Other than not making mushroom risotto whenever I want (now reserved for nights the mister isn’t home)… none of these things apply.

He eats what I cook, because I’m cooking and he’ll LIKE IT. We still travel independently but are open to suggestion if we’re going together, I dress the same (it’s not like I bought all new clothes when he moved in) and we talk openly about hot celebreties/people because it’s all fictional.

I think you’re maybe focusing on these negatives a little too much… your husband married you before when you were dressing less conservatively, oggling Chris Hemsworth and making whatever food you liked… surely he didn’t expect you to do a 180 when you got married?

Post # 60
Member
8600 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I truly miss nothing. Dating sucked. I dont even miss my outrageous short shorts (to be fair, my ass doesnt look the same as it did in early 20s anyway).

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