Post # 32
These are very normal feelings, despite the constant pressure that you must be “absolutely certain” when you marry or that any doubt after marrying is an indication that you need to run. That stuff needs to stay in the Disney movies where it belongs. The fact is, love and our feelings pertaining to our husbands are not static; there will be times you don’t feel in love. There will be times you feel madly in love. There will be times you long for the single life and all that entailed. There will be times the married life feels like the best life on Earth.
Before marriage, we have so many doors and possibilities still open – oftentimes, in our culture, getting married means changing the way you relate to about half of the planet’s population. There is no more, “My next boyfriend,” or getting to experience other men. It can sometimes change our behavior too – seeing single friends less (perhaps because of their lifestyles, what they like to do for fun, etc.). Marriage is a big change.
But, I also think it’s just part of “grass is greener” syndrome – missing being single. There are times I think, “If I were single, I could do all of these things!” Then I realize that I didn’t do them when I was single. Mostly I sat at home by myself. The fiction is far kinder than the reality!
Post # 33
Yes, the feeling definitely does go away. But, it’s a process. For me, it was realizing that I couldn’t have both worlds. I was no longer single, but I could identify the things about my single life that I needed. Meaning, it sounds like you need alone time. And, that’s totally fine! Figure out how to get your needs met within marriage. The joy or happiness within marriage will look and feel different than the happiness and joy you knew when you were single. Not sure if that makes any sense. Now that I’m at about 2 1/2 years into this adventure, I can confidently say you are in a transition period… where, quite frankly, the world you knew IS dying. But, the upside is you are creating a new world with your husband! The other thing… for me, I felt like it was a bad thing to miss my single life… like it meant something about my married life (like something was wrong) – but that wasn’t the case at all! I was just transitioning from one to the other and it was a process…. it’s ok to miss the things in your old life you loved…. keep focused at investing and creating a new life with your husband and embrace the things you love about your relationship now, figure out how to navigate around the things you wish were different, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want (or think you want) and give yourself grace as you figure it out!
Post # 34
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
The only thing I miss about single life was I was more in control of my eating habits. I was happy with my weight right before I met my now-husband, and I ate at home for every meal, but he grew up on fast food, restaurants, and not having to do dishes for almost every meal. So that has been our way of life for over 3 years now, and I’ve gained about 15 lbs that I just can’t get to go away with us eating out ALL the time. I’m too drained to make meals up to his expectations every single day (a quick pot of mac n cheese is never acceptable enough), so I mostly only cook twice per week. Blah.
Another aspect to that is how much frivolous money we spend. I grew up a hardcore stingy saver, and he did not. We still make more than we spend, but it’d be nice to make a nice cushy retirement fund contribution every month.
I’m hoping that over time we will shift into a happy compromise between our two upbringings. I do not miss any of the alone time of singlehood though – I would be miserable without a daily companion.
Post # 35
I think its totally normal to feel like that – I honestly feel that sometimes too (been married almost 2 years). There are benefits to the single life, just like there are benefits to being married and I don’t think its unreasonable to miss the past sometimes. As long as you’re not fixated (sp?) on it constantly – that might be a sign something is wrong and you should figure out what it is and talk to your DH about it.
Post # 36
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
“There are times I think, “If I were single, I could do all of these things!” Then I realize that I didn’t do them when I was single. Mostly I sat at home by myself. The fiction is far kinder than the reality!”
Thanks for saying that, that’s really helpful to me 🙂
Post # 37
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
Not married yet but been living with Fiance for 6 months. We’re the opposite- I’m the lazy one wanting cereal for dinner sometimes but he wants homecooked food and we often argue over what to eat/cook and mainly when
. Slowly our routines are coming together and we’re finding easy meals we both like but it’s still something I wish was much easier.
Post # 38
Never! I adore married life. I feel like it’s what those useless single years were for – to find a person to share this much better life with.
Post # 39
Not so much. I didn’t enjoy being single. I really like having a companion.
Post # 40
@oracle: I totally get what you’re saying. It is aboslutely normal to feel that way. Every once in awhile, I will be like “darn, I wish I could go do this without consulting Fiance.” With that in mind, those feelings are quickly diminished when I am alone and miss him : ( You can never have the best of both worlds, and for me, I wouldn’t trade my life with him for a single life, ever!
Post # 41
Well I have ben married twice before and a getting married again. With both marriages and so far with FH, I never really changed my life entirely because of being married or attached. Yes many aspects changed, but not everything. There are times when I do as I want, eat as I want, buy what I want, go where I want and see who I want just the same as I did when unattached. If I wanted to ring up a friend and go hiking for the day, I would. Oh I would probably send FH a text at some point but I would just go.
Post # 42
I think it is entirely normal. When we have moved into a new stage of life, it is easy to feel a sense of grief over what has changed and idealize the past.
When I was engaged, I went through a period where I was acting out because of getting married. I didn’t do anything really serious; just had some late nights away from my husband. Before I met my husband, I always thought I would stay single. I think I was saying goodbye to my old life in a way.
Post # 43
I miss taking baths in my emmaculatly clean bathtub…but I dont’ miss coming home to an empty house…that’s for sure.
Post # 44
I sometimes miss being single, really only when I want to hang with my girlfriends and my Fiance gets a little jealous. We’ll be moving 5 hours away from our hometown in a few weeks and it will literally be just me and Fiance for the next two years as we know no one in our new town. So we’ll see how that goes haha
Post # 45
I miss some of my privacy. I can’t be alone in a room for more than 10 minutes before he hunts me down to see what I’m doing. But I don’t miss being single at all. I’m happily married. I just wish I could go read in the bedroom for an hour and not have the door burst open.
Post # 46
I personally don’t miss it at all. Honestly though, I haven’t been single for almost 10 years so it’s a little tough to remember exactly what it’s like. I think it’s normal to feel that way sometimes.