(Closed) Do you ever really fall out of love?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3010 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am with you.  I thought I was in love with my ex of three years, but I realized after meeting J that it wasn’t true love.  I may have loved and really cared about my ex, but it wasn’t anything compared to what I feel for J.

Post # 4
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have been in love twice before. I still love both these men and that love will be forever. However, I fell out of being ‘in love’ with both of them.

It made it really hard to break up with them because I still loved them soo much and very much wanted them to be a part of my life; however, I was no longer ‘in love’ with them and could no longer continue in a relationship with them because of this!

Post # 5
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with FMM that I think you can love someone but not be ‘in love’ with them anymore.  I have never really loved someone before though.

Post # 6
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Interesting topic…Hmm…I’m not sure if this answers your question, but I’ve been in love twice before my Darling Husband and, like Future Mrs. Martin, I also think that part of me will always love them. 

And, like Future Mrs. Martin, I also found out that despite my being in love with them, we just weren’t compatible for other reasons. I suppose some people might say that meant that our love was “incomplete” but I don’t see it that way. Quite honestly, I was as “in love” with them when we broke up as I was when we got together; there were just things that weren’t going to work (one didn’t want children; the other was a gorgeous, wonderful person but had some things to work through). 

And there are–to be really brutally honest–things about my love with Darling Husband that are imperfect, too (although, don’t get me wrong–we’re certainly still in love with each-other!). I guess that for me, it turns out that it’s not so much a difference in love (even though I’m quite content NOT being hitched to my exes!), but moreso that I feel that on top of all the love, the friendship I have with Darling Husband have is more profound than any of my other past relationships. 

Post # 7
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t think you ever stop loving somone, but the love changes. Like my first love, I now love him as a best friend, my second love, I love the memory of us. Things like that, but when you fall in love, you don’t just lose that.

Post # 8
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is a great thread and I’m sure everyone feels so differently about this topic.  

For me, I feel like there are many people in life that we could possibly be compatible with.  Take my ex for example.  I think we could have end up together and life would have been okay but it wouldn’t be the life I have now with my Fiance.  I think I knew my Fiance was the one for me when I knew he was the one I COULDN’T live without.  All of the others, were ones that were great for their own reasons…BUT I could live without them and be fine.  Now, do I still love my exes?  Yes…in a way that I wish the best for them and hope they are happy.  I hope that they have found a love like I have with my Fiance.  But…am I in love with them..or would I ever want to be with them…NO WAY!  Like the other ladies said…it is a different kind of love.  I guess…once I figured this out…I knew why I wanted to spend my life with my Fiance.   He is my best friend, my love, and the one who I could never, truly live without.  

Post # 9
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I was in love with my high school/college boyfriend, but we broke up because of distance and discontent, and I guess we kind of lost our spark.  I actually had lunch with him a few months ago, and it was surprising how awkward it was.  We had so little to talk about, it was like chatting with an acquaintance.  But I know I loved him.  And when I think back on it, I STILL love who he was and who we were together.  And now?  I want good things for him, and I’ll always care about him, and he’ll always hold a special place in my heart that’s near other things I love unromantically.  I’m definitely not in love with him anymore, but it doesn’t negate what we shared.

Post # 10
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with a PP, I think love changes.. I still “love” one of my ex’s but it is most definitely not the same kind I feel for my fiance. I wouldn’t really call it falling out of love, but sometimes circumstances change & you can realize that person wouldn’t be who you would be able to spend the rest of your life with even though you do still “love” them.

Post # 11
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Well, I can’t really chime in there with personal experience. The first person I ever dated was my fiance. However, I’ve always heard from divorced people that they still love their ex-husband. It’s a different kind of love (not passionate) but it’s still love. I feel that there are different stages in love. So it’s not going to look the same as it did when you first dated, first married, or first had a child, etc etc.

Post # 12
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Miss OBG: Wow… I had that same experience last year with my HS sweetheart. It was totally awkward, but I’m glad we did it. I love the time I had with him, we too broke up because of distance and fighting. A part of me will always love him… but not the way I used to. (If that makes any sense?)

Post # 13
5373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that there are different kinds of love. You can love someone and not be “in love” with them. I think it definitely depends on the couple, the things they experienced together, and how the relationship ended.

My great aunt said that some days you may not feel “in love” over the course of your marriage, you may not even feel that kind of love for a couple weeks, but if you stick with it you’ll  fall back “in love” with each other if you’re still compatible and willing to work for it. I pretty much agree with that, although I understand there are lots of circumstances when this won’t work and everyone’s situation is different.


Post # 15
301 posts
Helper bee

If someone says they “fell out of love” then they were never in love in the first place. when you love someone, they have a place in your heart, and that can never be replaced with anything or anyone else

Post # 16
1748 posts
Bumble bee

@picturemeurs:I think love is like any other emotion, it comes and goes. I believe a person can have several loves in their life. Its about choice and who you open your heart to. As far as marriage I think you should love your SO but respect and compatibility are just as important.

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