(Closed) WAITING BEES 4 yrs+ ONLY: stopping celebrating anniversaries ?

posted 9 months ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did you stop celebrating anniversaries when waiting? (choose nearest option)
    No! We always celebrate them happily! : (33 votes)
    92 %
    Yes - after 4 years : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Yes - after 6 years : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Yes - after 10 years : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee

    Waiting bee here. It will be 7 years next month but we are kind of odd. We didnt start celebrating our anniversary until we made it to year 5. Honestly when 5 came around it hit me like a ton of bricks that it was a big deal and we needed to do SOMETHING anything at all just to recongnize it because it takes alot of effort and love to make a relationship work ( I made sure to share my thoughts and feelings on the changed mind set to my SO). We dont go crazy with gifts normally just a nicer date night.  It honestly does not upset me but we started dating young (21) and marriage wasnt even on my mind. I have career goals and other aspects of our lives we wanted to focus on. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    7022 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Wait, so you aren’t even waiting but you’re bitching about other non-waiting bees posting? Bee, you shouldn’t even be posting on this thread by your own dumb rules

    Post # 33
    Member
    3004 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’m sorry, I missed the memo that said because I’m married I’m not allowed to post on wedding bee. I also missed where just because I’m now married my 8 years of waiting is no longer valid experience for your question. 

    How about you stop being a petulant child over who replies to your post. Shinytoy :  

    Post # 34
    Member
    1739 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    *sips tea*

    Post # 35
    Member
    3004 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Lol yeah – this is going to get goodmegm1099 :  

    Post # 36
    Member
    1642 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

    I’m gonna go ahead and ignore your crappy attitude.

    If the number of years you’ve been together has gotten depressing – it’s not the right relationship. Even if you’re “waiting” it should still be happy and exciting to celebrate anniversaries if it’s something you are normally happy and excited about. But if you go from happy/excited to depressed and resentful at another year down, then something isn’t right.

    Post # 37
    Member
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

    Just an FYI Bee…the Wedding Bee isn’t just for people who are waiting or engaged. It’s for people who want to talk about money, jobs, ttc, dating etc. So I am not sure why you think married people shouldn’t be on this site. So if you are looking for a site that is specifically geared towards whatever your relationship is than maybe you should find one. You can’t tell anyone who can or can’t post on this site or your post. You seem bitter about what’s going on in your relationship but you don’t have to take it out on the Bee’s maybe if you opened your ears and listened you might get some advice that you need to get you through whatever your going through.

    Post # 38
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee

    Bee I think if u are wanting to set a walk date that is HUGE and I think a convo with ur SO is indeed needed. Some negative feelings towards small aspects not going how u thought is ok like dang it rained and my hair was crazy in our engagement picture but being so disappointed that u dont want to even slightly celebrate all ur hard work in the realtionship and wanting to walk away isnt good. Ive read ur post about having alot thats happened but whats the hold now?

    Post # 39
    Member
    1320 posts
    Bumble bee

     I guess we’re just not anniversary people. We acknowledge it in the morning. There has been a few occasions when we have planned to do something in April then we might make the nicer dinner for anniversary. It’s not really a decision. We just don’t really do anniversaries or valentines day. I actually don’t think I’ve celebrated anniversaries even with an ex-bf. My parents had their 45th anniversary a few months ago. I was visiting family and my dad was reading a paper and suddenly said to my mom “we’ve been married 45 years today. Happy anniversary” and then my mom just said “really, that long? Happy anniversary” and then they went to do their thing. So this was my example growing up.

    Post # 40
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee

    Shinytoy :  What’s the point of the thread then? Do you just want an echo chamber? Honestly, barring extraordinary circumstances, regardless of length, if anniversaries are becoming so depressing you want to stop celebrating, it’s very likely the relationship is unhealthy.

    Also, it’s not clear, are you engaged? The below post was from 2 years, not to mention multiple posts about rings and dresses from 3 years ago.

    https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/what-goes-through-the-mind-of-a-man-who-does-an-unromantic-proposal/

    Post # 41
    Bee
    282 posts
    Helper bee

    Shinytoy :  being open-minded about the kinds of posters/responses you might recieve won’t deter your (incredibly niche) group of “desired responders” from posting their opinions and responses. Having a bad attitude will, though.

    You can clearly, mentally, weed out any reponses from people whose opinions you don’t deem important. You literally have the power to do that yourself. Dicating who can post and what they can post is against Wedding Bee’s rules.

    Post # 43
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    Big surprise… the people who ended up happily married to their partners after a long time “waiting” did, in fact, continue to find happiness in and enjoy celebrating their relationship even as they were working on, and perhaps struggling with, the question of marriage — because they had strong, loving, committed relationships. Assuming you still actually want to marry your partner, these are the people whose advice you want!

    If you only want input from people who aren’t married AND are so bitter and angry at their partners that they want to stop celebrating anniversaries (assuming they ever did… not saying anniversary celebrations are a mandatory thing or that everyone finds them meaningful, but deliberately ceasing to celebrate in order to “make a point” seems quite bitter) then don’t expect advice that’s going to move you in the direction of a happy marriage. If you are so resentful of your partner that you no longer want to celebrate and take joy in everything your relationship brings to your lives and everything you’ve already built together, and want to withdraw anniversary celebration as “punishment” to them, then I strongly recommend a breakup. 

    I married my partner after a decade together. I wasn’t keen on an early marriage, but after 5-6 years I would have been glad to marry, and he wasn’t ready. Along that journey there were times he wasn’t sure he really believed in marriage, times he didn’t think he could handle being the centre of attention at a wedding, times he was afraid to make a forever promise to me because he wasn’t confident in his career development, times we both weren’t sure if we were on the same page about having kids… we were really in love and happy together, but that stuff was tough! Over the years we worked through each of those things together, learned more about eachother’s fears, insecurities, hopes, dreams and priorities, grew and matured together,  had so much fun together, enriched eachother’s lives enormously and built something really beautiful. It was a joy to celebrate all those wonderful things every year, often with a big international trip on our anniversary, and ultimately we had the wedding (which, in the end, we were both equally ready for and excited about) to celebrate all those same things.

    Now we’re married we still celebrate the anniversary of the day we first met, because it was the beginning of everything we’ve built and become since, and we have such fond memories of all the anniversary celebrations along the years as lovely relationship milestones. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    we Celebrated our two year anniversary by getting married on that same day 🙂

    Shinytoy :  

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