(Closed) Do you ever worry that he'll change/wasn't who you thought he was?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@worldtraveler:  I don’t really think that someone ‘becomes’ a bad/evil person; they just reveal their true colours in time. People’s character never really changes, though their personality can.

I am not too worried about this, to be honest. Living in fear of a hypothetical, unlikely situation will not achieve anything.

For the record, I met Fiance when I was 22 (I had made plenty of bad relationship choices before then, but Fiance was not one of them), and he was 30. I’ve changed and grown a lot in the 4 years since, but we are more in love than ever now. Our fundamental values and characters are very compatible, and that’s the important thing.

I was involved with a man I am pretty sure was a sociopath when I was 18, so I like to think that I would recognise the signs if I was ever to meet another abusive liar.

Post # 4
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

I have been married before and my ex did do the 180. All I can say is you have to love someone for who they are now and not dwell on what could result in the future.  Trust your head and your heart. If it happens you will cross that bridge when you come to it. But you have to find happiness in the moment and not let fear rule. If you happen to find yourself in a situation like I did then you teach yourself to find the silver lining. Every situation has a lesson or perspective you can gain.

 

Post # 5
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

People do change, which is what makes relationships so much work. If we can grow with each other, and keep loving the other person, it will work out. Those that cannot are the ones who often end of divorced. 

Like other posters have said, our fundamental characters are similar and haven’t changed. Although I started dating him freshman year of college (7 years ago!) and we have both grown and changed so much! There were challenging times, but we just love each other more and more each day. 

 

Post # 6
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

No, I have fears but not that. From what I’ve seen, it’s not that spouses change it’s that the other ignores it or thinks they will change.

Post # 7
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

@worldtraveler:  

One of my greatest fears as I look forward to marrying my S/O is that in 10 or 15 or 20 years, he will have become a dramatically different person.

I think the chances of this happening are much greater if you settle down with someone at a young age such as late teens/early 20s.
 
 
Some people are fully developed and fully realized as adults by the time they are in their early 20s, but I think they are the exception.
 
 
 
 
 

Post # 8
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2016

people can always change and new impressions and life events can change a persons perspective of things but i’m sure if you live closely to someone like a husband and wife it’s impossible not to notice changes like if the partner would turn into a terrorist.

 

Post # 9
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Things like this we have no controll over. you just never know who you could end up with or what can make changes in a person. I wouldnt dwell on these thoughts, have faith that everything will be fine and go with the flow of life.

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