(Closed) do you expect financial help with wedding from parents?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my family is italian and my husbands is greek so to be honest, yes I did expect them to gift us $$$ because that’s how we do things. My mom gave us $8000 and his parents gave us a couple of thousand but we live in a mortgage free home that they helped my husband with years earlier

my only niece had her 18th birthday party 2 weeks ago and i paid $1,000 for security and my sister provided the $600 cake while my mom/her grandmother gifted $1K for the food – its how things are done with our family.   i already have a little wedding fund for my niece with $5K and i put $250 per month into it, she doesnt know about it because shes off to college next year so doesn’t need to think about weddings but its there for her when shes older

one day when she is getting married i know there will be a line up of people wanting to gift her – im pretty sure there will be a fight to pay for the dress, shes our only girl in the family

Post # 4
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t expect money from anyone, and think that if you are old enough to get married, you should be able to afford everything you want/need for the type of wedding you want on your own. Don’t get me wrong, I would never turn down financial help and my parents and FIs parents are helping us out, but I don’t expect it. And would never take the money if there were conditions attached.

I totally get the frustration behind being promised money though, and then the promiser not following through on it. FI’s dad pulled this with us and told us that he really wanted transportation for all the out of town guests for the wedding and he would pay for it. After a week of both my sister and myself calling various places to get prices and info for him since he lives out of state, he decided that money was tight and he couldn’t afford it. Which is also fine and wouldn’t have upset either Fiance or I, if he hadn’t taken his third vacation of the year last weekend.

Sorry you are going through this. Even though you shouldn’t expect help, if someone promises it they should follow through.

Post # 5
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i did expect a little bit of help since they paid for my other sister’s weddings. they offered $1000 (or the cost of the dress)… they retracted when my wedding became a destination wedding. That’s perfectly understandable though, since it will cost more than that for them to just attend.

FI’s mom is giving nothing and, until recently, didn’t even like us being together. She just agreed a few days ago to even try to attend.

Post # 6
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I didn’t expect anything.  In fact my first thoughts were that we’d probably have to have a civil ceremony because we had no money for a wedding.  lol  My parents surprised us with a generous gift that we could use towards the wedding and put whatever was left into savings.  My in-laws didn’t give us cash, but they did spend more money then the wedding cost to fly the family 6k miles to our wedding and spend 2 weeks with us.  That was worth more to both of us then if they had contributed money to the wedding fund.  🙂

Post # 7
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly I kinda thought my parents were going to help, but when Fiance and I got engaged we went into planning mode assuming we would be paying for the whole thing ourselves. I was sure my parents would contribute where they could, but I wasn’t sure what that meant at the time. When they told me they’d pay for the whole thing we were shocked! (and forever grateful….)

FI’s parents have offered to contribute, but have yet to step up. I’m not holding my breath, but I feel like it would be a nice gesture to my parents who offered to pay for eeeeeeverything. Whatever, they’re weird, so we’ll see what happens!

In your case, I would deff be frustrated. Of course you shouldn’t expect anything, but when they offer and don’t follow through…. that’s just disappointing. You totally have a right to be upset here.

Post # 8
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I really didnt expect anyone to help. We planned that we were going to do anything so if we had any help it ws just an awesome bonus.. My parents have been helping a bit my mom paid for half of my dress, and gets decore and random wedding stuff here and there. But his parents havent done anything. I keep hearing that they are going to pay for the rehursal dinner.. but then it went from they are paying to they will pay at least half. Well we have 5 months to go. We will see what that dwindles down to by the time the wedding day is actually here. 

Post # 9
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I expect them to help pay for the wedding because that’s what they have said they will do my whole life. I don’t expect anything from his side (not because they aren’t nice or anything but because that it’s tradition).

Post # 10
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have no parents on my side, and if his parents decide to pay for anything I will be shocked. Not that they do not have it, but they are strange with money.

I just rode to TN and back from FL with fil’s so that they would not be making the drive alone, they are in their late 70’s. I stayed with them for 2 days at their son’s, then went to stay with a friend for a week, came back for a few more days then we came back home. Just while i was gone they spent $300 on groceries, $1000 on a new riding mower (while they already have a rider and 2 tractors up there).

Future Father-In-Law wants to come stay with FH and I for a couple of weeks, so we will see what happens at that time. They like to spend thier money on home upgrades, like reroofing our place 2 years ago. But to give cash for something, nope.

We are paying for our wedding/reception ourselves, other than possibly having a potluck dinner for the reception.

Post # 11
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

When we went into planning, we assumed that we’d be paying for the whole thing ourselves. His parents decided that they will pay for the alcohol and the rehearsal diner (which is going to be at least $5000 dollars for the number of people and the type of alcohol they want… so we’re extremely grateful). I honestly didn’t expect my parents to give us anything, but they’ve said they’ll pay what they can. Mom thinks it will be around $3000, which is a lot for them.

Since we’re hoping to keep the total cost around $15,000 that’s actually over half our budget, so we’re thrilled.

Post # 12
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t expect any help.  That is why our wedding budget is $4,000.  If one our our parents offer to help I will be so happy.

Post # 13
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am in the same boat. Both of our parents had offered to help. Split everything right down the middle for the total cost. Unfortunately, 2 weeks after we got engaged, my dad lost his job after 15 years. It completly rocked our world. I, am like you @ngz100, I believe if you’re getting married you should be ready and fully aware of the financial responsibility and burden, but always welcome financial help. When my dad lost his job, we immediately DROPPED everything. Took a couple days to figure out OUR (mine and FH) budget, and what WE could afford. If anyone offered to help that would be fine, but we went into everything knowing it would be out of our pocket.

Our families are actually very close, and I love his family like my own — so we are definitely blessed. However, his parents have stated numerous times (even after my dad lost his job), that they would still be contributing, however they haven’t given us an amount or even any information to let us know when —  and we are paying the deposit on our venue today. My mom actually called last night and said they were going to try extremely hard to give $1000.00 or the cost of my dress, when their original donation was closer to $10,000.00. It’s pretty insane how something can completely turn your world upside down in a matter of minutes, or just in one phone call. My advise, be thankful for what you have and the people you have around you to help with your BIG DAY. Don’t let the negative people burn or ruin your energy, surround yourselves with happy people who are willing to offer a helping hand. Whether it be donating items for your reception, throwing you a shower, helping you price shop, or anything. Those are the people you should be thankful for. We’ve actually found that we have a lot of friends that are very crafty and talented and have help us cut down on a lot of costs, so I think we’ll make it!

Best of luck to you all with your wonderful days, regardless of the price tag!

Post # 14
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I didnt expect any help from anyone. My parents and Fi’s parents really arent in the position to help us, so we took that into account before choosing our budget and date

Post # 15
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@beeillinger:When we started planning I did expect my parents to help, but I didnt count on it. So I budgeted only for what we (fiancee and I) could afford. After that my parents said that I could count with $5,000 from them to use for the wedding, and that they will also pay for our honeymoon, which is awesome.

My Future Mother-In-Law is getting our complete invitation suite, STD’s and wedding day stationary for us, which is a great help too, given how expensive that can get.

My Maid/Matron of Honor and brother are paying for the cake as our gift, which I didnt expect either.

In summary, I wouldnt expect anybody to help with the wedding financially, however, in the average family there is always somebody that wants to help out. We are super happy with all the help we have been given!

 

Post # 16
Member
4109 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I didn’t initially expect a thing from anyone. Of course, I knew my parents would want to help out, but I certainly didn’t expect any set amount. FI’s parents donated a large sum of money towards his sister’s wedding last year, so I figured maybe they were following the whole parents-of-the-bride-paying tradition & wouldn’t be giving towards ours. Well, within a month of being engaged, we were given set amounts that would be gifted from both sets of parents & also his grandparents. With us not having much money to pay for everything, we were estatic & based our budget off those figures. Thanks to our wonderful families, we only have to pay for about 20% of our total wedding costs out of pocket. I love that they wanted to help us & in reality we probably would have had to put the wedding off for another year if we were to pay for everything on our own. I fully intend to gift whatever I am able to future children and grandchildren for thier weddings- it just means so much to have that support for one of the most important days of your life, financially & emotionally. I think it’s important & that’s the way family should be.

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