(Closed) Do you feel an obligation to “take care of yourself?”

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you feel obligated to take care of yourself now that you are dating/engaged/married?
    Yes, I like to keep up my looks for my partner. : (38 votes)
    21 %
    Yes, but I like to keep my looks up mostly for myself, not my partner. : (93 votes)
    52 %
    No, I don't feel obligated. : (39 votes)
    22 %
    Other : (8 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    My mom has always said that! She’ll spend forever on her makeup because she feels like she has to keep herself up for dad. 

    I want to remain healthy, but just for myself. I dress up for Fiance sometimes, but I don’t think our marriage should hinge on it!

    Post # 5
    Member
    5572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Hmmm it’s interesting to think about. I think that I put more effort into it now that I have Fiance. When I was single I only had to worry about me so if I had a period of time when I didn’t take care of myself I was the only person affected. Now that I have Fiance I feel more like I try to keep myself up for him more than anything. He really doesn’t care I don’t think and is perfectly happy when I have a blah day but I just feel better about it when I feel good about myself. Now that I’m sharing my life with another person it just feels more important to me.
     
    Obviously I take care of myself primarily for how it makes me feel. I just feel more accountable when there is another person who cares about me and who sees me every day.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I actually take better care of myself.  Having someone love me and support me unendingly has made me care more for myself, and want to be a better person in… everyway.  I guess feeling cared for= caring for myself.

    Plus, I want to be a hot married person (just saying)- I don’t want to feel like I lost it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3601 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    I really hate when cutting your hair– or having dark hair (the shame!)– is a sign of being lesser a woman.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I do this for myself? Right now I’m waiting for the red dye to sink into my hair because this morning I woke up and decided I wanted to do something fun/exciting to my hair!  I don’t think this is something that will ever change about me, regardless of whether I get married or am single or whatnot! There are days when I lounge about in pjs and don’t shower, but I also love getting pretty and looking good! 

    I wonder if that woman was experiencing depression or was in a rut– perhaps something is wrong?

    Post # 11
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Oh but I should be honest and say there are definitely more lazy-ponytail/bleh days when I’m far away from my boyfriend… the few benefits of an LDR?

    Post # 12
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I used to wear makeup all the time, but now that I live with Fiance I very rarely put any on… He doesn’t seem to mind though, he prefers me makeupless.

    Post # 12
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Linz1231: I’m so glad my Fiance fell in love with me for who I am and what I look like on a daily basis instead of what I looked like when we were “dating.” Maybe it’s because I’m already kinda au natural (as in, no makeup, no heels, etc) that I don’t feel the need to try to make myself pretty for him anymore (we live together btw, sorta like being married already)… but that doesn’t mean I’m totally going to let myself go either! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3601 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @cbee: I have mid-brown hair and I wear make up a handful of times a month.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    No, but I also am very into being open about who you are and not a stickler for appearances before you get married / into a serious relationship.  It’s nice to dress up once in awhile and try to keep things special, but I find the idea that you need to never change to keep your promise to your spouse pretty offensive.  I know very few people go too far, but I am going to go to bed without makeup on, wear schlubby sweatclothes around the house, get older, maybe gain weight or at least have my shape change as I get into my 50s/60s/70s.  I refuse to share my life with someone who is going to make me feel bad about that.

    ETA:  I’ve also always been very clear that I am not a girly girl and I really don’t put much effort into appearance except for on special occasions. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1573 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I still dress up for hubby for special occasions, I’ve always liked wearing cute dresses even before we met and got married,my favorite time of day is picking out my outfit for the day, I must say I can be more relaxed around him, he’s seen me in curlers and glasses haha but it’s nice when my hubby will compliment me out of the blue when I put on a nice dress and says you look very beautiful, awww

    the effort shouldnt stop just because youre married

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