(Closed) Do you feel guilty about buying things for yourself? (vent included)

posted 8 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
561 posts
Busy bee

before the spring could you spend money carefree?

Post # 5
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I could be like that, but in our budget we set up $100/week for “fun money”.  It’s for whatever we want, guilt free.  Having a set amount and set category for that helps out TONS.  

Post # 6
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

My mom was like that after she got married and had kids.  She could spend money on us, should could buy groceries, but she had trouble buying things for herself as she felt like she didn’t have the money to spend.  My dad had to encourage her to buy things for herself.

Would it help you if your discussed your wants with your husband?  Maybe a bit of encouragement from him could help you get over your guilt.

Post # 7
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013


Your story sounds exactly like me and my FH! I will let him spend whatever on himself, or buy him things with no problems. It too gives me pleasure to see him so happy! But I have not owned a new article of clothing, or jewlery, or DVD’s, games, etc myself for years! (Yes, years!) I love shopping for clothes and shoes/boots and jewelry but feel so guilty – thinking “we can’t afford this” etc etc. My FH encourages me constantly, and tries to buy me things – which I am grateful for, but then I feel even worse that it got to that point XD

I recently found an acoustic guitar I really, really want to replace the PoS one I have now, but don’t think it’ll ever happen 🙁

Post # 8
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Pocket_Mouse I so know how you’re feeling!

I’m at home on disability, basically a sahw, and dh works full time, plus lots of overtime. When  I go shopping, I have no problem getting him ‘fun’ stuff, but for me, it’s so hard just to buy a new much needed bra. Forget about buying a dvd without asking him first. He wants me to get things, but I have such a hard time with it because he’s working so hard for the money.

Post # 9
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Oh I feel like that alot. I haven’t bought myself shoes and I actually need a new coat, my old one is getting old! (2 years old). 

I always put my kid and Fiance first. I don’t mind, as long as I can get my handycrafts and have savings for things I am happy. Fiance use to talk me into getting things I want (new yarn, tech stuff etc..) He is nice that way. Sometimes I feel super guilty but Fiance again talks me out of it! 

Post # 10
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Are you close to someone who has been hit really badly by the recession?  Is it possible that your fear stems from that?


… I don’t have much trouble spending money myself.  Some things I’m weird about though.  ie – I barely spend anything at all on clothes

Post # 11
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have a hard time spending money on myself, too.  Part of it is because I’m cheap, and I’d rather save money than spend it.  That’s okay and good.  Part of if is a way of being mean to myself — like I don’t deserve to have anything nice.  I just force myself to get something for me now and then.  It wasn’t fun at first, but today I bought myself some killer new (expensive) boots for fall and I haven’t looked back once.  Hey, my husband will benefit by having a well-clad, confident wife who thinks she’s worth something.  Yours will, too.   


Post # 13
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Pocket_Mouse:  I spend $400 a month on clothing & miscellaneous (fun stuff, not including meals out) and I have trouble staying in that budget! I have no idea why you feel this guilt. Maybe you should talk to a counsellor about it? I don’t want to trivialize your problem, but at least you’re not the opposite and spending the family into oblivion. Are you maybe afraid that you’ll end up loving spending money and buying way more than you can afford? Have you ever been in debt and now you’re the opposite extreme? Do you have any self esteem issues that manifest in different ways as well as this? Maybe I missed it, but do you work? Maybe if you don’t work then you feel guilt spending your husband’s money even though it’s YOUR (couple’s) money? If you don’t work, would you consider taking a part-time job you can use for fun money?

Post # 14
706 posts
Busy bee

I totally get it! When I moved to be with my then fiancé, I gave up my job and felt so guilty during the time I was unemployed and looking for work. Once I was working I felt so much better. Your guy sounds a lot like mine, very sweet and generous, but it’s still hard to be stuck at home. It will get better though! And, for heaven’s sake, go get those things you want! None of them are pricey anyway!!!

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