- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
For some reason, unbeknowest to me, I can not bring myself to buy things for myself.
I want to preface this by saying that I am in now way bitter at my husband for my personal spending problems, he encourages me to buy things I want, but I still don’t do it.
I buy things for Darling Husband all the time. It’s so easy to buy things for him, I love him and therefore it makes me equally happy to see him happy. I ENJOY buying things for him, yet I *loathe* buying anything for myself. I will, in all honesty, buy myself something from a store that I have wanted, take the item home, only to immediately return it to the store out of some missplaced feeling of, guilt? I suppose.
To clarify: when I say “things” I am talking about things that are not neccessary items but material. Things like clothes, movies, jewelry, games, etc. Just stuff like that.
What really has me thinking about this is that recently we got our internet hooked up here, so now I want Darling Husband to get his gold live account reactivated, and for a year that is $60.00 dollars. There are two games he has been so excited about, so we reserved them both. One comes out in a week and the other in November, together a 180 dollar value. Altogether that’s $240 that I am happily and willingly ready to shell out for Darling Husband.
Ladies, there is a forty dollar ring at walmart that I have seen and been in love with ever since. That was 6 months ago, and I have waged a war with myself the entire time on whether to purchase it. I just can not bring myself to do it! It’s insane, and it’s really starting to weigh on me a lot.
Now the ring is just one example, I have a few other items that I have really been pining over as well. See now, there’s a movie ($20), a winter coat ($25), a pair of boots ($40), and I think that’s about it at the moment (Altogeter about $130 bucks). Always the same problems though, I just can’t make a purchase. If it was Darling Husband though, I would have made sure he had all those things already. It’s just different when it’s me.
Darling Husband tells me not to worry about the money, that he makes plenty for the bills and then some, but that isn’t really what stops me. I’m not worried about not having money coming in, it’s losing the money we already have that really bothers me. I feel like at any moment the bottom is going to fall out and all our savings will be gone, like I have to save every cent.
I guess I also feel guilty cause I haven’t brought in any money since spring. Darling Husband has school full time and work full time, and we only have the one car. I’m stuck here most days and I feel bad about it. I do what I can to contribute, Darling Husband tells me how he appreciates everything I do, but I feel like it isn’t enough. I appreciate him so much.
So my post ended up being a little lenghty, but like I said this problem, albeit a first world problem, has really been a weight on me. To those who made it through am I normal for feeling like this? If I am then why do I feel so bad about it?