(Closed) Do you feel if you didn't live with your SO, he'd propose sooner?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you feel if you didn't live with your SO, he'd propose sooner?
    Yes and I regret it. : (22 votes)
    14 %
    Yes but I don't regret it at all. : (30 votes)
    19 %
    No, living together has had no impact on the process. : (53 votes)
    34 %
    Other (please explain) : (15 votes)
    10 %
    We wouldn't have discussed marriage before living together. : (35 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5011 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @pokie45:  He wouldn’t have proposed if we hadn’t lived together first (and I wouldn’t have accepted). We both wanted to be sure we were happy living together before we agreed to get married.

    Post # 4
    Member
    556 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If we didn’t live together, there would be no way in hell we’d be talking about getting married, let alone him deciding what day to propose. We both view living together as an essential precursor to getting married. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We are moving in together shortly and have a timeline for engagement as well. I would never have moved in with him without having a conversation about that, but I’m not afraid that moving in with him will delay things. I can’t wait!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I do feel that living together delays the process, or even makes a proposal come about that never should have happened in the first place. I’m of a strong opinion that you should always live together before marriage, but that living together should never come before engagement.

    I have come to this opinion based on many things. One being that statistically, when the couple lives together before getting engaged they are more likely to divorce. This is due to many people belieiving that comfort they feel in a relationship is love, or just feeling obligated that after being with someone for so long that marriage is the next step. Many couples that live together stay together much longer then they would have had they not been living together.

    Another reason is personal experience. I was with an ex for 5 years, he moved in with me within 6 months of dating. That relationship should never have lasted that long, but because we were comfortable enough with eachother, and living together meant a whole new set of complications to breaking up, we stayed in it.  I eventually got my act together and kicked him out, thankfully.

    Me and my Fiance just moved in together a couple of weeks ago. I had told him from the beginning that I didn’t want to move in together until after we got engaged. I didn’t want to uproot my life and change everything unless I knew we planned to have a future together, he understood that and things are good.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    909 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Only after moving in together did my Fi and I realize how great our relationship was. I think it sped up the process for us, personally. We got engaged almost three months to the day after moving in together. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee

    We had a conversation before moving in that this is a step toward the progression of a life together. So we moved in at 6 months and now at 10 months I can see engagement coming anytime soon because we have a wedding date of September 2013.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    I never would have gotten engaged to him unless we lived together first.

    Post # 12
    Member
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We didn’t live together until after we married, but Darling Husband told me he’d have waited a lot longer to propose had we been living together.  He said it would have just been too easy to let things continue as they were.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I just wanted to add, that ultimately if you and your sO are completely honest from the beginning of the relationship, there should never be any little surprises when living together that you can’t get past. 

    I would definitely travel with someone before ever considering marrying them or living with them.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9687 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @SpecialSundae:   This describes us.  I wouldn’t marry someone I hadn’t first lived with.

    Post # 15
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Kukahiko Estate

    @drummerbride  +1 to you, we are kindred spirits!

    I had lived with an ex for 2 years and like you, it probably wouldn’t have lasted that long if we were not living together.  It made it terribly difficult to break up even though I knew it was the right thing to do.  My SO and I are on the same page now, get engaged, then live together, then get married.  

    Post # 16
    Member
    2523 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    For me, personally, and for my SO, we decided it wasn’t in our best interests to live together before marriage. But he is military and he is deploying soon, so it wouldn’t have worked anyway.

    But we discussed that it wasn’t for us. He told me that when he lives with me, he wants to be married, and that’s what we’re doing. We do think it’s important to discuss the big issues before, though: religion, money, children, employment, etc. and we have been on multiple long trips together.

    For me, I just wouldn’t feel comfortable living with someone unless they made a permanent committment to me. I don’t knock people that do, but I honestly couldn’t deal with the heartbreak of the breaking up and etc if we were living together without committment, especially if every relationship I lived with that person. That’s a lot of uprooting I don’t want to deal with.

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