(Closed) Do you feel if you didn't live with your SO, he'd propose sooner?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you feel if you didn't live with your SO, he'd propose sooner?
    Yes and I regret it. : (22 votes)
    14 %
    Yes but I don't regret it at all. : (30 votes)
    19 %
    No, living together has had no impact on the process. : (53 votes)
    34 %
    Other (please explain) : (15 votes)
    10 %
    We wouldn't have discussed marriage before living together. : (35 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I have flat out refused to live with my Fiance before marriage….and not because I am traditional but because I havelived with men before and it lead to a lot of nothing.  I didn’t want my Fiance to get comfortable. … And so far..it works.because he is always talking about missing me and says he can’t wait to wake up in each others arms every day. 😉 

    Post # 48
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I voted that it hasn’t had an impact. My boyfriend explicitly stated that he wouldn’t propose without living together. I think that you should only move in with a guy if you know it in your bones that he will propose and pull the trigger. If you are unsure whether he will do it or not or he will drag his feet, do not move in without a ring.

    Post # 49
    Member
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Can’t really say, but we did not live together and it was a little over six months for us.

    We are total outliers though, and our story isn’t generalizable in any meaningful way. But I was intending to stick to my guns and not move in until we were at least nearly engaged.

    Post # 50
    Member
    1934 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think it actually made him propose SOONER in our case.  We moved in together after a month, and he proposed 2 months after that.  Lol – we work fast.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1144 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t know. Part of me thinks it has delayed the process because people always say “why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?” and that slighlty worries me. Another part of me knows we moved in together because we felt ready and also because financially it made sense. I also think that maybe the engagement/proposal hasn’t happened yet because our finances have changed since we’ve lived together.

    Post # 52
    Member
    531 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My SO and I decided we wanted to be engaged before living together. And because he wants to move into my apartment, it definately sped up the progress. We weren’t really considering getting engaged until well into 2013 but now I’ve been assured it’s coming before New Years!

    Post # 53
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I wouldn’t even consider marrying someone I hadn’t lived with first.

    Post # 54
    Member
    1979 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @Tarheelgurl:  Wow, 7 years living together, 2 kids, AND not engaged- I couldn’t do it!! I get waiting to have kids, I will probably wait to have kids after we have been married a couple of years.  But is that all?  If I move in w/ SO we could save $1,000 a month to pay for the wedding- is it worth it? (Feeling conflicted :-/)

    @Gorjuss:  I guess I am the other category. I have not lived with any SO and I have not been “burned” in the past.  My personal reason is just that living together is an intimate experience and something I only want to do with my future husband.  I want him to be the only one who gets to build a home with me and wake up next to me every morning.  Plus, I felt like I should save something for marriage.  Maybe it’s just silly as it seems to be the minority view, lol.

    Post # 55
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    It’s been a year. We’re talking about engagement, I know it’s going to happen soon… but, we dont live together. I think if we did live together, he’d be less motivated to propose.

    Post # 56
    Member
    1430 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @HeartsandSparkles:  Yep 7 years together and no ring. Granted, he did buy her a ring, showed it to her, and then they broke up. That was like a few years ago though. So I think that has alot to do with why they aren’t married yet. Their relationship seems to have alot of trust issues, and was one of the reasons I was initially extremely hesitant of moving in with my SO. I’m not saying that their case is what to expect when you move in with someone, but it is one of those horror stories that I know made me wary of the whole “try before you buy” concept as my mother so lovingly calls it. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    585 posts
    Busy bee

    Nope, no way I would get engaged to someone before living with them. Personally, I had many issues to work through and it took me 4 years to even consider marriage–we’ve lived together for 2 years, 4 months, and I needed those first 2 years to be SURE about myself. Lucky for me, he patiently waited for me. Long story. 🙂

    I guess I could have gotten engaged first… but that would have taken me several more years to be ready to even be engaged. Living together let us/me deal with my fears much more quickly, and realize it’s all ok, and move on. Besides, if things didn’t work out, I’d feel much better dealing with a failed relationship than a failed engagement, or artificially trying to make things work out just because we’ve reached engaged status. Baby steps, one thing at a time. I would feel like I missed a step if I got engaged first without even knowing what day to day life is like with him and if I even liked it lol!! I couldn’t commit to engagement without that knowledge first.

     

    Post # 58
    Member
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Nope, wouldn’t have even been an option. We both agreed that we wanted to live together for at LEAST a year before that next step. As it turns out, we lived together for over 2 before we got engaged and it was perfect timing.

    Post # 59
    Member
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t think it had any effect – we talked marriage and living together around the same time. I still had my own place when we started ring shopping. I moved in with him on the condition he proposes within 6 months – he did but I think he would have regardless in that time period. We were very much on the same page about when we felt we would get engaged.  

    The only thing that had an effect I’d say is he wanted to live togehter “a few months” before getting engaged. I was anti-living together (didn’t want to get stuck as a live in gf) but with the time line of 6 months I felt comfortable enough and trusted he would deliver on his promise – and he did!

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