Post # 1
Hello all! I have been lurking for a few months and have finally decided to post. I am curious if anyone has the same bitter, for lack of a better term, feelings regarding the waiting process that I am. I have been together with my boyfriend for five and a half years. We are not engaged. He always says that he wants to be engaged and that we will be soon. I will be 27 in a month. He will be 28. I feel like we are past the point of a surprise proposal, which is kind of frustrating. I secretly wish he would have asked me two years ago when I had no clue it was coming. However, I also know that our relationship has gotten even stronger over the last two years and things are solidified now. I know, practically speaking, that within the next year I will get engaged and it will be the “right” time. However, I can’t help but have that feeling of bitterness that it didn’t happen when I least expected it. Hmmmm….anyone else feel this way? Have you ever spoken to you SO regarding this? Is there any way to get over it?
Post # 3
@ruralbumpkin: i promise when it happens, it will still be a big deal. and maybe you will even appreciate it more because of the relationship you have. your guy can still surprise you (mine did after being together almost 5 years), and if he does, trust me you will be surprised. you will find yourself looking at that ring, or him, occasionally in pure disbelief that you found something so good.
i think we are all our own harshest critics. there will be a moment, when you look at yourself, with all your flaws, and see this wonderful guy who you love wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you will be surprised.
my reaction to the ring – “are you sure?”
Post # 4
Thank you for that! It’s so sweet 🙂
Post # 5
You can still be surprised!
As far as being totally surprised (as in marriage not even being on your radar) . . I don’t think that happens very much. Think about it… wouldn’t it be pretty weird to have someone propose to you when you have never had serious discussions about the future?
I relate to your anxiety over this b/c I was in a very similar situation. But try not to worry, it will still be special 🙂
Post # 6
@retsud: “are you sure?”
Yep, this’ll be me too! After hearing “I’m not ready” so many times I’m pretty sure my first thought will be “this is too good to be true” and then start quizzing him making sure it’s what he really wants and that he’s really “ready”.
Post # 7
@ruralbumpkin Wow, when i read your post it sounded like i wrote it myself! You are not alone, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been dating over 5 years and living together for 3. His big thing is that he wants it to be a surprise but at this point i am expecting (and waiting for it) for what seems like all the time. Looking back I am happy we’ve waited but I really would like to be engaged by now. I kind of envy people who get engaged without discussing the death out of it, having breakdowns, etc. They get to be surprised (really) and will get happy reactions from people other than the “bout time!” which I am dreading we”ll get.
He knows this and we’ve talked about it numerous times. I am dreading the upcoming holidays because I am bombarded by jewelry ads, engagements, etc. Th thing that helps me the most is telling myself that he”ll do it when he’s ready and what am I really going to do..leave? We have everything we could want and are blissfully happy, the only thing missing now is the engagement and if that is my only complaint well then it aint that bad. Hang in there!
Post # 8
@sassypants: So very true!!! Thank you so much for making me feel sane 🙂