- 5 years ago
In my experience it has been the brides who have shown their true colours more than guests.
In my experience it has been the brides who have shown their true colours more than guests.
weddingmaven: the people who have know me since i was little know i had certain goals in life – one of which was to get married in Greece. this came as no surprise to anyone when we announced where we were getting married… Including my cousin.
if there were multiple events for attendance, I would agree. There has been just one – my bachellorette. The two girls that planned it – planned it on there own. I did not request it. Furthermore, because the planners know my group of friends all have various jobs with different time demands (ie nurses) and some have families – actually a couple are prego they made sure to plan various activities. Each person picked in advance what they wanted to come to. They also picked activities that varied in budget. No bells here demanding full attendance. Pick and choose was the option provided.
Plus she is my first cousin… We are relatively close. I have always been there for her. She is younger than me so I have been like an older sister to her. think traditional older sister role and that is me. She is the youngest of our family and frankly her behavior is partially our fault… We allowed her to get away with everything. We never held her accountable for her actions.
out of everyone invited she is the only one that didnt come to anything. It was noticed. I was asked and I was dumbfounded as to where she was.
As for the destination part, she kept complaining how pricey the flight was. i agree it usually is around $1800 to $2000. I actually found her an amazing seat sale about two months ago – $700 (all in) roundtrip to Greece. This is unheard of — let alone the dates she gave me that she got approval from work were smack in high season. Plus we have a house there so accommodation and food would have been covered. She knows she would have very very very minimal expenses once she was in Greece. She agreed the seat sale price was doable but she didn’t act quickly enough to book the ticket and apologize… Starting to think she had no intentions of coming In the first place. Before you jump on me – She was more than happy to take a 10 day vacation recently in the US and impose on a friend of mine i put her into contact with and stay at his place for free. I thought it was going to be a two to three day stink… nope much longer.
anyways, i am ranting and getting off point. the point is she doesn’t care and is not making any effort. She has shown her true colors.
i never expected bells – I do however expect FAMILY to be there for you in your celebrations if they are able to come. Just as you expect family to be there for you in your hard times. Clearly she was able to come but opted not to. For me, this is hurtful and unforgettable.
MrsTickledPink: Again: her boyfriend’s mother just died!! People grieve in different ways. Perhaps she was more comfortable being around her own friends and/or her boyfriend.
$700 (plus vacation time) is still a lot to spend on a wedding. One of the downsides of a destination wedding is you can’t demand anyone attend.
I found that wedding planning validated what I really already knew. The people who were already huge supporters of me and us continued to be, and went out of their way to make pre-wedding events special.
On the other hand, the people who I had concerns about are the people who have done things like defriend us when their children aren’t allowed at the adults- only reception, or add random plus ones to their RSVPs without even consulting with us. The small amount of drama we’ve had has come from the people I absolutely expected. Wish I had trusted my gut from the get-go!
MrsTickledPink: Here’s my theory on this: No I don’t think she was grieving for herself, I think she was being there for her boyfriend. Who was she with during the local excursion? Was she with him? Maybe she was trying to do something fun with him to cheer him up.
If your husband (who remember was once just a boyfriend)’s mother died, he would be devastated, right? And who would he want to be there for him to comfort him and cheer him up? You! His girlfriend! Can you imagine this post on the bee? “My mother just died, I’m devastated and my boyfriend doesn’t care and just wants to go to a bachelor party!!!” All the bees would be telling her to dump him. I would have turned down your invite too if my SO needed me under those circumstances. Yes even if we were only dating a month and marriage wasn’t on the horizen. Death in your significant other’s immediate family trumps party.
You TOTALLY see people’s personalities (loving, selfish, helpful, jealos) when you get married.
The biggest thing I learned is to definitely not expect anyone from anything (because, in reality, no one actually cares) and to keep to yourself.
yes, it did bring out the true colors that i already knew of my thoughtful, wonderful friends and family. i’m sorry you are dealing with difficult people. your wedding and planning time should be a very happy time in your life.
One person came to mind…my mother. I love her obviously, she’s my mom, but when Fiance and I decided we didn’t want to be married in the church it became obvious that she isn’t willing to accept my decisions as an adult if it goes against what she wants/believes and (it may not be true but) my happiness isn’t as important as getting what she wants. I’m still pretty bitter about it, she made the beginning of my egagement pretty unhappy and I was so disappointed because I thought she would be more accepting.
Yes it totally did. I lost one of my very best friends during my wedding. We had a small 20 person ceremony that she wasn’t invited to, and it was enough for her to cut me out of her life forever. It’s pretty ridiculous. At the time, I wouldn’t bend on the guest list, which I probably should have made a concession for her, had I known that I would lose her friendship forever; but at the same time, it made me realize that I don’t need an over the top DRAMA queen like her in my life.
Yes, a little. The Future In-Laws are picky people with high standards, and that’s shown throughout this process. They also must have things their way, and I’ve been told I HAVE TO do xyz, like wear a veil, toss the bouquet, have real flowers vs fake, etc. when I’ve already, with their son, decided against that.
No, because, really? People are who they are and many times people think they will magically change once a big event is being planned. It never happens, so one should plan accordingly and not set themselves up for disappointment.
I am finding the worst in FI’s family. After we got engaged, his mother insisted on having a “brunch for us” but when we arrived she had nothing prepared and then proceeded to ignore our engagement. FI’s sister and mother never even looked at my ring and it wasn’t until Fiance brought it up that they (grudgingly) asked to see it. Since then, his mother has been beyond dismissive about the wedding. She thinks it’s stupid to spend so much money on a “party” and clearly has her opinions on what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t be doing. Fiance asked his mother and step-father if they planned to contribute to the rehearsal dinner (traditionally the groom’s parent’s role) and she rolled her eyes and said “maybe.” The closer the wedding approaches the more painfully obvious it has become that his mother doesn’t like me. We’ve always had a slightly tense relationship due to the stupidest reason possible: I’m a Democrat and she is so far past Tea Party she has made her own type of political stance. Basically, our moral and ethical codes on what is right and what is wrong have never lined up. Ever since I’ve known her, she goades me into fights and picks at my beliefs and made me feel very unwelcome in the family, but until we got engaged, I was able to block it out. Now? I just keep thinking sometimes that, “Wow…this is going to be my life. I am going to be one of those women who does not get along with their MILs…”
She’s not the only one, though. FI’s oldest brother and SIL never acknowledged our engagement. It’s been five months…and not a single word. We’ve seen them once and it never came up (I never bring up our wedding unless explicitly asked because no one cares about it as much as me). FI’s sister is somewhat indifferent to it: She will participate in the conversation if she is there, but doesn’t ask for updates or want to come with me to look at venues, etc. The one that hurt Fiance the most is his middle brother who is two years older than him. They were literally best friends. But again, after we got engaged, they flaked on the brunch the next morning, they never acknowledged the engagement or the wedding, and have just basically let Fiance down time after time. FI’s dad didn’t respond to FI’s voicemail about us being engaged for four months…and then randomly called out of the blue and offered us $$$, so I guess I can’t fault him, haha?
That being said, it’s important to note that for everything FI’s family has let us down on, my family has completely stepped up to the plate and been out of control helpful and amazing. It has seriously shown how wonderful my family is and why I should appreciate them more.
MrsTickledPink: My wedding certainly brought out sides in people that were pretty ugly. I never knew that people could be so hurtful and nasty. Most days I really wish I never had a wedding and eloped instead. The comments and actions of family and friends during my wedding as well as the wedding process are still very difficult to shake and has really opened my eyes to the people that are in my life. I had to sit down after my wedding and really re evaluate relationships in my life…. it has definitely been a work in progress…..
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