Post # 31
MrsTickledPink: I voted yes. My wedding is next July, but my sister-in-law’s wedding brought out HER true colors.
I couldn’t really place her personality until the wedding. Everything had to be her way, she was way too extravagant ($90K in total for her wedding, so I hear), aloof, rude to me (wouldn’t hug me after we’d left the ceremony site and I wanted a “hug from my new sister”, to which she said “older brothers first”– completely rude), basically sicked her bitchy Maid/Matron of Honor on me, and refused to exchange my bridesmaids dress for a smaller size, and making me spend the evening in a circus tent sized dress.
And now for MY wedding, she and my brother aren’t invited so far. If they try to charm their way into getting an invite, it isn’t happening.
Post # 32
MrsTickledPink: YES! I just want to say, thank goodness for the bee because it helped me realize that I am not the only one who has went through some changes in some of my relationships. Some got better, some got worse.
One of my bridesmaids we will call her “A” and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man “B”, who I spoke to every day, has changed, drastically. She has gotten alot close with one of my other bridesmaids, which is great in my opinion because they met through me, and I am glad they were able to get closer. However, now I am excluded from outings. They have this mentality that “well shes married now, so she won’t want to go out” Its kinda hard for me to explain what happened without people knowing exactly how we were as friends. My sister has even noticed the change and is like wtf?
I am not going to cut her off, but I definitely know where I stand. Its sad that sometimes you lose friends, but I learned things about people. If someone would have told me that we would drift apart, I would have never believed them. Unfortunately, some people can’t be friends with someone when one of the people in the friendship is doing different things with their life. Instead of bridesmaid A being happy for me and caring about the happy and new things going on in my life, she is very negative about them. I told her that I want to buy a house one day and we are saving for it, and instead of saying ‘thats awesome, where are you looking to move’ she responds by saying “why would you want to buy a house? thats so much work! too much responsibility” That is just one example, but anytime I say something positive, she puts a negative spin on everything. I just don’t want negativity in my life. SOrry. Lifes too short for that.
Post # 33
Yup, friends that I thought were my friends were not supportive and family members cause more drama then ever.
Post # 34
Yes. I lost a friendship with one of my bridesmaids after the wedding brought out her true colours. I broke off contact with her after the wedding and I honestly don’t miss her. I’ve tried three or four times to write a reply here but there’s no way to explain it concisely other than to say that her negativity was negatively impacting on ME and I don’t miss it. Onwards & upwards. She changed a lot (not for the better) in the six months before our wedding and was no longer the friend I used to love. I actually felt great relief cutting ties with her, especially after what she did in the lead up to the wedding. Holding on to a friendship in the hope it might return to a previous state is so tempting but not always the right thing to do.
Post # 35
I voted yes, not for my own wedding as I’m not married yet.
My best friends wedding (ex best friend): I made her a 5 tier wedding cake covered all the cost as a present, I go no thank you and they didn’t even bother to cut it, so well over £300 down the drain. This is not the reason we are no longer friends btw!
My Ex’s misses: I find this quite funny but I got the it my wedding feet stamping display the other week, admittindly laughing at her made it worse but oh well … then a big drama over the phone! I only asked the ex how the planning was going, see I drive over an hour and back so he can see his son as he doesn’t drive and pick him up part was and drop him and ds of at his house…. I was trying pass the time
I have cousins who didn’t speak for months over wedding plan differences.
I think people can sometimes get sweeped up by it all, forget their manners and sometimes even forget normal common decency. I hope Fiance and I manage to get through the whole process with as little drama as possible.
Post # 36
Dizbee: Nope not with him… it is a long distance relationship. Had he lived here, then yes I would have thought the same thing.
Wow I am reading some really sad stories here — sorry you ladies had to deal with such crazyiness! I have to say on the plus side, I have been surprised by some to see how much of an effort they have made to be part of the wedding festivities. I will focus on that instead 🙂
Post # 37
MrsTickledPink: Save the dates three months ahead for a bachelorette party with RSVPs two months ahead? Wedding invitations and RSVPs don’t even go out that early. Your cousin did nothing wrong by telling you she would have to wait and see.
Another possible reason she didn’t attend is cost or because she didn’t know most of the women. Or, under the circumstances, that she wanted to leave the weekend free and not to commit to it in case her Boyfriend or Best Friend needed her. The truth is, you can be disappointed, but she doesn’t owe you anything more than an RSVP. As they say, an invitation is not a summons.
What would it have cost her to attend?
Post # 38
Yes. There was a lot of nonsense with a few relatives. I won’t get into details but it showed as clear as day that I wasn’t as important as some other people in my family.
I lost my best friend in the whole world to what I can only assume was jealousy. (She’d expressed being jealous in the past, I guess that was still her problem) She didn’t even have the nerve to talk to me, she just stopped all contact and didn’t show up to the wedding. 15 years of friendship, just thrown away like it meant nothing to her. It still hurts me to this day.
Post # 39
Yes! Mostly my Maid/Matron of Honor who is my cousin. There was her trying to stand out for the wedding & trying to make everything about her. On a positive note, my whole family has been very supportive and showed their excitement the whole time I was planning which I didn’t expect.
As for your cousin, if someone told me food and rooms would be covered & I had to pay $700 RT to go to Greece I would jump on it. That’s a steal!!
Post # 40
weddingmaven: RSVPs went out super earlier because apparently they needed to book certain activities. The cheapest activity was a dance class – $15 dollars. The most expenses was staying at the hotel per night — only 4 of us ended up doing it. The other stuff in between was mid-range from getting mani’s & pedi’s to eating and drinking. As I mentioned, the planners made sure to plan a number of activities within various budgets.
Two of my prego gals still came to the dance class to just hang out and take pictures — they didn’t participate directly but wanted to share in the fun. No cost associated there for them.
As to whether she knew the girls — she knew each and every one of them. There would be no issue of feeling uncomfortable.
At the end of the day, yes, it is not a summons to attend — however that does not cancel the fact that I was hurt due to her lack of attendance. I have been there for her countless times. It hurts when you go out of your way for others and then it is not returned. If she flew to be with her boyfriend that weekend to console him, sure, I would have understood then. But she wasn’t. She was galavanting and having fun — FB ladies, can’t hide much if you put your whole life on there!
ALVstar3: oh dear, that is too bad. Yeah about the rest of the family, that is great. When in August are you getting married? We are on the 23rd of August 🙂
Yeah, the seat sale made a number of my friends super excited — tons jumped on that deal… well minus the room and board for them as there is only so much room in our home. However, we negotated an amazing group hotel room rate with breakfast included for our friends. Best part is the reception is in the same hotel… all you need to do is crawl to your room at the end of the party!!!
Post # 41
MrsCallalily: oh no ~ that is very sad to lose such a long term friendship 🙁
Post # 42
Yep. There are not enough fingers to count the amount of people that I don’t intend to ever speak to again based solely upon how they behaved surrounding my wedding. Some people absolutely shocked me. I have no idea why my getting married was such a trigger for so many people, but that’s their issue, not mine.
Post # 43
MrsTickledPink: Well, I will agree with you that it was stupid to post that on FB.
I would try to keep in mind that however important the bachelorette party was to you, it’s not an event that is mandatory or even acknowledged in terms of wedding planning and “protocol.” Many people consider them to be a very minor and optional event.
I’m really not trying to criticize you, but it’s sad when someone is ready to hold a permanent grudge with a close relative without at least trying to see her side of things. Bottom line, she doesn’t owe you a rationalization or an explanation of why she couldn’t make it. FB postings notwithstanding, at the time of the RSVP, there might have been more to her decision.
I do still think it’ s a bit disingenuous to hold this against her when you’ve made it clear that your destination wedding is more important than your family being there with you on the day that really counts. Nobody owes you sacrificing $$$$ and time off of work for your vision of a dream vacation. And it’s not right to justify that it’s “only” $700 or that you were somehow “saving” her money by finding her a discount.
Even though you say you understand that she can’t make the Destination Wedding, my sense is that you think that she is being unreasonable. But just because she said the expense was doable when you started to look into cheaper fares, it doesn’t mean she didn’t think it through and realize the whole idea was just too expensive and impractical.
Post # 44
weddingmaven: Thank you for your response. I do appreciate the time you took to respond and I am completely open to criticism. I hope my responding back does not come off as being defensive — it is just really difficult to write the whole back story — it would take pages!
I normally would agree with you that some individuals view bachellorette parties as not mandatory. However, my cousin views missing anything of hers as a betrayal — I missed her birthday party once for a very good reason — I suffer from massive migraines which basically isolate me to my dark quiet bedroom. I got the cold shoulder for about a month because of this.
I am not going to give her the same response as I believe I am a better person than this. I just needed to vent as I am just deeply hurt by her actions. I am not going to write her off but it will be difficult to forget.
From the start, I told her I would completely understand why she couldn’t come to the wedding. She always said if she could financially she would — this is why I kepted an eye out for cheap ticket prices. She did kept saying how nice it would be to go back and see our family — it would have been the first time ever we all were back together. This would have made for an amazing trip filled with memories and pictures. Our grandmother would have loved to have all her granddaughters together.
As to why it is in Greece — the majority of our family still lives there. Aside from our parents and sibblings, the next most important people in attendance for us was my grandparents (his grandparents have passed). As my grandparents are unable to travel, we have to go to them. The bonus is the remainder of my family in Greece will for once be able to celebrate something with us as a whole, which I am super excited about.
Post # 45
Yes definitely! I am grateful for this as I am all about learning who my true friends are (and aren’t). In my case, a college friend who was also my former co-worker (I helped get her the job that launched her lucrative career) did not say a word acknowledging my engagement, even though I was invited to her wedding two years prior, and about a month after I got engaged I was invited to her baby shower (like I should want to support her?!). When I heard from a mutual friend she was pregnant (and it was safe for people to know) I reached out to her to let her know how happy I was to hear the news. Then I get engaged after she’s known me 10+ years, has been friends with me through the losers I’ve dated before FH, and can’t be bothered congratulating me, not even on Facebook? Before all this she had been sort of catty and phony to me anyway, but I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. But her reaction (or lack thereof) to my engagement finally confirmed she is a one-way friend. It still pisses me off when i think about it, but I’m happy to have this information as I now know she is not my friend. My upcoming wedding has also brought out a lot of my mother’s quirks and passive-aggressiveness haha