(Closed) Do you feel like your wedding brought people's true colors out?

posted 5 years ago in Beehive
  • poll: Do you feel like your wedding brought people's true colors out?
    No : (16 votes)
    17 %
    Yes... Explain : (78 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    MrsTickledPink:  I voted yes. My wedding is next July, but my sister-in-law’s wedding brought out HER true colors.

    I couldn’t really place her personality until the wedding. Everything had to be her way, she was way too extravagant ($90K in total for her wedding, so I hear), aloof, rude to me (wouldn’t hug me after we’d left the ceremony site and I wanted a “hug from my new sister”, to which she said “older brothers first”– completely rude), basically sicked her bitchy Maid/Matron of Honor on me, and refused to exchange my bridesmaids dress for a smaller size, and making me spend the evening in a circus tent sized dress.

    And now for MY wedding, she and my brother aren’t invited so far. If they try to charm their way into getting an invite, it isn’t happening.

    Post # 32
    Member
    6526 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    MrsTickledPink:  YES! I just want to say, thank goodness for the bee because it helped me realize that I am not the only one who has went through some changes in some of my relationships. Some got better, some got worse. 

    One of my bridesmaids we will call her “A” and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man “B”, who I spoke to every day, has changed, drastically. She has gotten alot close with one of my other bridesmaids, which is great in my opinion because they met through me, and I am glad they were able to get closer. However, now I am excluded from outings. They have this mentality that “well shes married now, so she won’t want to go out” Its kinda hard for me to explain what happened without people knowing exactly how we were as friends. My sister has even noticed the change and is like wtf? 

    I am not going to cut her off, but I definitely know where I stand. Its sad that sometimes you lose friends, but I learned things about people. If someone would have told me that we would drift apart, I would have never believed them. Unfortunately, some people can’t be friends with someone when one of the people in the friendship is doing different things with their life. Instead of bridesmaid A being happy for me and caring about the happy and new things going on in my life, she is very negative about them. I told her that I want to buy a house one day and we are saving for it, and instead of saying ‘thats awesome, where are you looking  to move’ she responds by saying “why would you want to buy a house? thats so much work! too much responsibility” That is just one example, but anytime I say something positive, she puts a negative spin on everything. I just don’t want negativity in my life. SOrry. Lifes too short for that. 

     

    Post # 33
    Member
    171 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Yup, friends that I thought were my friends were not supportive and family members cause more drama then ever.

    Post # 34
    Member
    2196 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Yes. I lost a friendship with one of my bridesmaids after the wedding brought out her true colours. I broke off contact with her after the wedding and I honestly don’t miss her.  I’ve tried three or four times to write a reply here but there’s no way to explain it concisely other than to say that her negativity was negatively impacting on ME and I don’t miss it. Onwards & upwards. She changed a lot (not for the better) in the six months before our wedding and was no longer the friend I used to love.  I actually felt great relief cutting ties with her, especially after what she did in the lead up to the wedding. Holding on to a friendship in the hope it might return to a previous state is so tempting but not always the right thing to do. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    I voted yes, not for my own wedding as I’m not married yet. 

    My best friends wedding (ex best friend): I made her a 5 tier wedding cake covered all the cost as a present, I go no thank you and they didn’t even bother to cut it, so well over £300 down the drain. This is not the reason we are no longer friends btw! 

    My Ex’s misses: I find this quite funny but I got the it my wedding feet stamping display the other week, admittindly laughing at her made it worse but oh well … then a big drama over the phone! I only asked the ex how the planning was going, see I drive over an hour and back so he can see his son as he doesn’t drive and pick him up part was and drop him and ds of at his house…. I was trying pass the time 

    I have cousins who didn’t speak for months over wedding plan differences. 

    and more! 

    I think people can sometimes get sweeped up by it all, forget their manners and sometimes even forget normal common decency. I hope Fiance and I manage to get through the whole process with as little drama as possible. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    11953 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    MrsTickledPink:  Save the dates three months ahead for a bachelorette party with RSVPs two months ahead?   Wedding invitations and RSVPs don’t even go out that early.  Your cousin did nothing wrong by telling you she would have to wait and see.  

    Another  possible reason she  didn’t attend is cost or because she didn’t know most of the women.  Or,  under the circumstances,  that she wanted to leave the weekend free and not to commit to it in case her Boyfriend or Best Friend needed her. The truth is, you can be disappointed, but she doesn’t owe you anything more than an RSVP. As they say, an invitation is not a summons.  

    What would it have cost her to attend? 

     

    Post # 38
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee

    Yes. There was a lot of nonsense with a few relatives. I won’t get into details but it showed as clear as day that I wasn’t as important as some other people in my family. 

    I lost my best friend in the whole world to what I can only assume was jealousy. (She’d expressed being jealous in the past, I guess that was still her problem) She didn’t even have the nerve to talk to me, she just stopped all contact and didn’t show up to the wedding. 15 years of friendship, just thrown away like it meant nothing to her. It still hurts me to this day.

    Post # 39
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Yes! Mostly my Maid/Matron of Honor who is my cousin.  There was her trying to stand out for the wedding & trying to make everything about her.  On a positive note, my whole family has been very supportive and showed their excitement the whole time I was planning which I didn’t expect.  

    As for your cousin, if someone told me food and rooms would be covered & I had to pay $700 RT to go to Greece I would jump on it. That’s a steal!!  

    Post # 42
    Member
    3457 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yep. There are not enough fingers to count the amount of people that I don’t intend to ever speak to again based solely upon how they behaved surrounding my wedding. Some people absolutely shocked me. I have no idea why my getting married was such a trigger for so many people, but that’s their issue, not mine. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    11953 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    MrsTickledPink:  Well, I will agree with you that it was  stupid to post that on FB.  

    I would try to keep in mind that  however important the bachelorette party was to you, it’s not  an event that is mandatory or even acknowledged in terms of wedding  planning and “protocol.”   Many people consider them to be a very minor and optional event.

    I’m really not trying to criticize you, but it’s sad when someone is ready to hold a permanent grudge  with  a close relative without at least trying to see her side of things.   Bottom line, she doesn’t owe you a rationalization or an explanation of why she couldn’t make it.  FB postings notwithstanding, at the time of the RSVP, there might have been more to her decision. 

    I do  still think it’ s a bit disingenuous to hold this against her when you’ve made it  clear that your destination wedding is more important than your family being there with you on the day that really counts.  Nobody owes you sacrificing $$$$ and  time off of work  for your vision of a dream vacation. And it’s not right to  justify that it’s “only”  $700 or that you were somehow “saving” her money by finding her a discount.  

    Even though you say you understand that she can’t make the Destination Wedding, my sense is that you think that she is being unreasonable. But just because she said the expense was doable when you started to look into cheaper fares, it doesn’t mean she didn’t think it through and realize the whole idea  was just too expensive and impractical. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Yes definitely! I am grateful for this as I am all about learning who my true friends are (and aren’t). In my case, a college friend who was also my former co-worker (I helped get her the job that launched her lucrative career) did not say a word acknowledging my engagement, even though I was invited to her wedding two years prior, and about a month after I got engaged I was invited to her baby shower (like I should want to support her?!). When I heard from a mutual friend she was pregnant (and it was safe for people to know) I reached out to her to let her know how happy I was to hear the news. Then I get engaged after she’s known me 10+ years, has been friends with me through the losers I’ve dated before FH, and can’t be bothered congratulating me, not even on Facebook? Before all this she had been sort of catty and phony to me anyway, but I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. But her reaction (or lack thereof) to my engagement finally confirmed she is a one-way friend. It still pisses me off when i think about it, but I’m happy to have this information as I now know she is not my friend. My upcoming wedding has also brought out a lot of my mother’s quirks and passive-aggressiveness haha

     

     

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Profile Photo rusticchic212.

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