(Closed) Do you feel like your wedding brought people's true colors out?

posted 5 years ago in Beehive
  • poll: Do you feel like your wedding brought people's true colors out?
    No : (16 votes)
    17 %
    Yes... Explain : (78 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    4425 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    MrsTickledPink:  Not for our wedding, but I think that it absolutely can and does for many. We shut it down and kept things really simple. My mom got a bit Ahh! to start, but then calmed down a lot. We also made it clear that the only people making the decisions were Darling Husband and myself. We removed a lot of drama by having no wedding party and being as relaxed about everything as possible. 

    ETA: Oh…sadly, after one of my best friend’s wedding, I have lost a lot of respect for her mother. She was a nightmare during wedding planning and my friend let her do it. She and my friend made all the decisions without consulting the groom (poor guy), she was judgemental about bridal party decisions, rude to one of the ushers on the day of the wedding because he misunderstood something during the very confusing rehearsal, etc. Sad to see what some people turn into when it’s supposed to be such a celebratory time. 

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  KatiePi.
    Post # 47
    Member
    11945 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    MrsTickledPink:  With the added details, I have to say that I can much better understand where you are coming from. FWIW, I don’t consider that a destination wedding at all since the location is near very important family members. Your cousin does sound  self centered. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    It sure does… My cousin is Maid/Matron of Honor and she has not been involved at all, she is also MIA. She do not want to talk to the other bridesmaid, I didn’t have a bridal shower nor did she plan a bachelorette party for me. I guess I shouldn’t expect anything, but I thought this wa supposed to be a joyous occasion. I want to experience everyting with planning a wedding, have I, the answer is no. So I will plan my own Girls night out with my friends. I just don’t get it.

    Post # 49
    Member
    1324 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    i think right now just focus on the love that you have with your fiance, and enjoy every minute of wedding planning without her.

    ๐Ÿ™ but i can relate. except my cousin used to be my best friend until we both went to college and then she decided she had better friends to hang out with (we are one year apart, so my senior year in HS while she was a freshman in college was when we really started to separate, or when she started to separate from me). we were neighbors too, living in the same apartment building. she’s constantly only talking to me via FB and text, and is always too “busy” to hang out or bails on me all the time. i used to get really sad over it, but now i really don’t care anymore. she really thinks her friends (who she used to complain to me about ALL the time) are worth hanging out with than her ole cousin. to me, we were always best friends. but to her, i’m always just a cousin and i’m just starting to realize that. 

    my other cousins who are younger (16 & 18) are trying their best to be good bridesmaids but it’s difficult because they both have social anxiety and are really awkward. they keep vetoing every bridesmaid dress i ask them to try on, but won’t tell me what they actually want. i almost had a bridezilla moment when i went to my first appointment, but luckily my mom calmed me down.

    i went to school halfway across the country and most of my friends are still there, so it’s really just me and my fiance here doing all the work. i also recently started grad school in the hopes of making new friends, but i quickly realized people aren’t really there to socialize. it’s kind of strange. anyway, my cousin who i used to be close with didn’t even come to my first bridal fitting. it’s like a couple of blocks away from where she teaches pilates, and she was too “busy” running errands to even show up. my appointment was at 11 and her class was at 5. she has only congratulated me via text once, and the only reason i asked her to be my bridesmaid is because i didn’t want my unsupportive family to give me sh*t for it. 

    i also realized my family is VERY materialistic (kind of something i already knew, but i gave them the benefit of the doubt) and are just being really rude about my whole wedding. that’s another story. 

    but i feel for you, and your cousin. i hope things get better. blood is definitely thicker than water, but sometimes i think you just can’t force bonds. ๐Ÿ™ 

    Post # 50
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    MrsTickledPink:  We are getting married on the 16th! 

    That is still a great deal even with hotel costs. Greece is my dream destination for vacation. One day!

    Post # 51
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I’m still in the planning process, but I definitely think so! I’m having 6 in my bridal party: Bridesmaids= 3 cousins, FI’s sister, and one of my best friends. MOH= Best friend of 14 years.

    One of my cousins, who is more of a sister to me has been driving me up the wall!!! First of all, I originally asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor but she declined saying she was too shy. In all honesty that’s totally fine…I don’t want her feeling uncomfortable on the day of, and my current Maid/Matron of Honor was so excited to take on the role ๐Ÿ™‚ But since accepting the role of a bridesmaid she keeps making these little digs “why even have a big wedding, just elope and go on a vacation with the money you’d spend!” “New Hampshire…why not have it more local?” and has made many many comments about the bridesmaids dresses, which haven’t even been decided on yet. Also, her fiance who my Fiance has become great friends with is a groomsman and their son (my godson) is our ring bearer so she has said on more than one occasion how “broke” she’s going to be due to my wedding!!! Really?! 

    Both of my friends who are in the wedding live out of state, but 1 of them (my bridesmaid) is home for the summer. I specifically made an appointment to look at dresses around her schedule because I would love her input, and just for her to be there in general. Well, at lunch last week she said so nonchalantly “ya I really wish I could go dress shopping with you, but my boyfriend is flying in that weekend for the week”. Now, don’t get me wrong…if this was a situation where they haven’t seen eachother in months, etc, that’d be one thing but they live together…and more importantly they have the most toxic relationship…so toxic that she hasn’t even introduced him to her friends (including me) and they’ve been dating for over 2 years. Sooo yeah…frustrating!!!

    With all of that being said my other girls have been fab. My Maid/Matron of Honor who lives 3,000 miles away has sent me links to certain sites/blogs for inspiration, helped me pick a photographer, and is always asking for updates. 

    Whooo, thanks for letting me vent! Apparently I needed that! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 53
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    MrsTickledPink:  So far it’s brought out some interesting chararcteristics in both mine and FI’s families. We had an engagement party last month – thrown by my grandma – and there was SO much drama leading up to it on my side. I was literally crying pretty much the whole week of the engagement party because my mom, my grandma, my dad, etc were bitching about the location and that they have to deal with each other blah blah blah (lots of divorces, my dad was telling people things that HE wanted but saying that I wanted them, etc). I basically had to tell them to suck it up and be adults for a few hours. FI’s family was quiet at this time, just said they were so excited to come.

    At the actual engagement party, my family behaved wonderfully. I was extremely surprised and pleased by this. However, FI’s mom’s family was 100% rude and inappropriate towards FI’s dad (also divorce, FI’s dad cheated but FI’s parents have been apart for over 7 years and his mom just got remarried at the end of May, FI’s dad also supported FI’s mom 100% during the last 7 years so she could be a stay at home mom even though her youngest child was in highschool at the time, etc). They made snarky remarks to FI’s dad in front of my family when they were just walking by. They refused to even acknowledge him and one of FI’s aunts got into an arguement with her husband when he said “Hi” and shook FI’s dad’s hand. This is all AT OUR ENGAGEMENT PARTY where it was not about them, there was over 80 people there but they couldn’t just ignore their issues for a few hours??? To top it off, FI’s mom and dad got into a screaming match on the way out because FI’s dad was pissed about how her family was acting, and FI’s mom is all about being the victim and saying he deserves it.

    It’s hard because I totally get where they’re coming from. FI’s dad shouldn’t have done what he did, but he really stepped up as a father and financially supported all 4 kids and his estranged wife (they stayed married so she could remain on his health insurance, phone plan, etc). Fiance told his mom that the wedding is the last “test” to see if her family can behave themselves, and if not, they’ll be invited to half of the events (birthdays, holidays, baby stuff, etc) and FI’s dad will be invited to the other half. Hopefully that will wake them up to their childish behavior (I’m talking grown women in their late 40’s, and his grandma is in her early 70’s for cripes sake).

    That’s been it, so far. Hopefully it’ll be smooth sailing from here on out!

    Post # 54
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee

    I’m not married yet, but one of my friends started showing her true colors after my BFF got engaged a couple of years ago.

    Let me start off saying that this is just a small snapshot of this friend and her decisions constantly have all of us shaking our heads and asking why. To this day, I still can’t really explain this other than just jealousy and being in bad relationships. 

    My BFF got engaged and then not soon after our other friend got secretly engaged to her boyfriend. She pressured her boyfriend into proposing (this all came out after he cheated on her and they broke up). I say it was a secret because it wasn’t until my BFF’s bachelorette party that I saw what looked like an engagement ring on her right hand. I asked her about it and she began to explain that she was indeed engaged, but keeping it secret because her divorce was not yet final. Once the truth was known to all of us girls in the car she moved the ring to her left hand. 

    At the bach party, this friend was not really hanging out with us, but texting her fiance all night. When we got back to the hotel room she wanted to hang out with some random guys by the pool. My friends drug her back into the room because she was drunk. She drank way too much and got sick the next day. 

    On the wedding day, she was late showing up to the venue for photos (we’re both bridesmaids) because of some story about looking at a house with her fiance and then having to stop off at the store for something. Her story didn’t make sense. She told me one thing, but told the bride a different story and the timelines were not matching up.

    We went to another location from where the wedding and reception were taking place to take photos and this friend shows up with her fiance. The bridal party had some downtime while the bride and groom did family shots so we all started walking around this property (it was a huge, old house on a large piece of land). It came time to do some more shots with just the bride and bridesmaids and this friend was nowhere to be found. We yelled and looked for her for about 5 minutes and were already behind schedule. Finally, the bride (very angry) said to do the photos without her. Just as we were about to snap the first picture here she comes from somewhere behind the house. Turns out, she went off to take her own pictures with her fiance. 

    I got engaged last year and my wedding venue was hosting sort of an open house so that brides could come and see the place all decorated and sample food and hear the house band. My friend came with me and all she talked about was what she wanted for her wedding. The girl was not engaged at the time. Not trying to be bridezilla, I didn’t say anything, but that day was supposed to be for me to get ideas for my wedding. After that, she wanted to buy a watch for her new boyfriend (long story on the reasoning behind that) so she wanted to go to a jewelry store to look around. We get there and the sales associate asks if we need help and my friend says she’s just looking. I thougth well while we’re here I’ll take a look at wedding bands just to price compare. After the sales woman helps me, my friend asks to look at the Verragio engagement rings. The woman said you need an apppointment to look at engagement rings on Saturday but she’ll see if she can get someone. The first question the salesman asks her is what is her boyfriend’s budget and my friend said she didn’t know. I could tell the salesman was not happy. He knew she wasn’t serious about purchasing.   

    Not long after this my friend gets engaged knowing this guy for 6 months and was planning on getting married in 2 months.  My friend never asked about my wedding, but would talk nonstop about everything she was doing for hers. They called off the wedding last month.  

    Post # 55
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee

    Duplicate comment. Weird. 

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  HCbee2014.
    Post # 56
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee

    Sorry for big block of text. I thought I spaced it out. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    MrsTickledPink:  Yeah I have been pretty surprised at people’s behavior, although there is also a load of circumstances on my family right now that is probably also bringing things out. My sisters, who are my maids of honor, have been pretty whatever the whole time. They are just very occupied with starting grad school and college the day after our wedding… funny how dates work out that way (we set our date a year before they decided where they’d go to school) Also my two grandparents who are still with us haven’t been doing well healthwise, which is putting a lot of pressure on my parents. So it’s hard for them to be their best right now, though they try. Things have been much better, but at the beginning of wedding planning my mom was mean to me. She called me a bridezilla because when she asked me to cut 50 people off the guest list (my parents are paying about 75% of our budget) I cut off my parents’ cousins. Not the rest of the family, just their cousins. 50 PEOPLE! It was really mean of her. That was low. And she was the one asking me to cut the list in the first place. Anyways, we worked it out now and everyone is happy, we are keeping those 50 guests. But every once in a while she gets mad at me or says something because she doesn’t like that I have a say in my wedding. It’s kind of weird… I feel like it’s part of our growing pains, she’s used to being the mom and being in charge, but getting married is part of me becoming an adult and being more allegiant to my husband than anyone else, so planning has been an exercise in setting boundaries with her. Can’t wait for that to be over! Haha. ๐Ÿ™‚

    ETA: FI’s family has been nothing but supportive this whole time. They are so great! Love them!

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  nawella.
    Post # 58
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    FutureMrsJohnson_:  Wow. That is something to actually be upset about. Not to get down on myself or the other bees who have people who just aren’t that supportive, but what happened to you is downright difficult. 

    FI’s family has a lot of divorces too, and my family has one, so putting together the seating arrangement has been very challenging, but fortunately they are all very peaceable with each other. We are very lucky not to be worrying about it on our wedding day! Fiance says it’s awkward when his parents are in the same place, but awkward is a whole lot better than hostility. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    My best friend of 18 years acted weird when we got engaged. I had one friend who decided to throw a small engagement party for us and my best friend would not show or answer my calls or text.  She finally texted me saying “I can’t come. I started seeing a psychiatrist (treats with medication and does  not diagnose) and the psychiatrist said I am bipolar and have borderline personality disorder and I should not be there.” Now my friend who threw our party is a psychologist and said that if that were the case she would be in a hospital until medications had been figured out and adjusted and basically that she was full of it. Mt bf also had told her boyfriend that she was going to a psychiatrist as well and that she only needed to go for 2 weeks and was magically better.  I called her out on what I had been told and she said she had also been diagnosed with being an alcoholic and couldn’t come to the party because there might have been alcohol… but same weekend of our party was beer fest and she went to that. Called her out again. She then confessed she was upset that I was engaged and she wasn’t. She wouldn’t talk to me and then one day she texted me before she and her bf were going out of town and during that trip got engaged.  The second they got back they bought a house. Not even a month after being engaged. She kept rubbing it in my face. She would ask about things for our wedding and put them down left and right. Then one day she told me when they were getting married and it was obvious she was trying to have the wedding before ours (we have a 1 1/2 year engagement) and I said to just let me know the details.  She responded with “why would I do that? You’re not invited.” I didn’t even bother with a friendship after that but our bf’s are good friends and a couple weeks before our wedding her bf tells my fiancé that he was told we were to busy with our wedding to come to theirs and that my fiancé couldn’t be his best man as well because of this and it was not at all the case and my fiancé told him that and he said “oh… I’m sorry.  I asked an old coworker to be my best man because of it…”. I have just cut her out of my life. She makes everyone miserable.  We decided not to have a wedding party because I just don’t want anymore drama. Now as far as family, my biggest issue is my step mom is a great make up artist and wants to do my hair and makeup but refuses to be around my mom.  Not sure what I will do about that just yet. My mom calls me a bridezilla all the time when I am not over reacting and just expressing my thoughts and if it’s not she wants then she calls me that. It has made a few of my friends uncomfortable when helping with wedding stuff. I now do everything by myself.  Almost everyone in my family has an opinion or crazy ideas (dad wanted a jump house for my younger siblings at the wedding) about our wedding in some way and now I just don’t tell them anything or just ignore the comments they have. Everything will be fine. Everyone has something similar I am sure and happy there are people I can relate with!

    Post # 60
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    nawella:  Thanks for your response. It’s hard but I really really hope that our families can be adults around each other. I mean, this wedding is just the first event! There will be kids birthdays, Christmases, soccer games… I do not want to deal with this for the rest of our lives. Luckily Fiance feels the same way and is willing to place boundaries with his family (as I would/will do with mine) if need be.

    That being said, I’d go crazy if my mom was acting controlling like that about our wedding! This is the start of yours and your FI’s life TOGETHER. You guys are the ones that should have the most say in this scenario lol.

    The topic ‘Do you feel like your wedding brought people's true colors out?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors