(Closed) Do you find it anti- feminist when women shame others' birth choices?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Do you find it anti- feminist when women shame others' birth choices?
    Yes, women should not be judged for their birth decisions. : (164 votes)
    62 %
    No, I think women who have "natural", vaginal, drug-free births are "better" mothers. : (8 votes)
    3 %
    No, women who don't take advantage of modern medicine are putting their child at risk without cause. : (28 votes)
    11 %
    No, I don't like judgment, but I think you can be judgmental and a feminist. Please explain. : (51 votes)
    19 %
    Other- please explain : (14 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    1188 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I had to have a c-section with each pregnancy.  I’ve actually been told that I’m not a “real mother” since I didn’t actually give birth naturally and another told me I could never “understand that kind of bond” a woman and her baby have with an all natural delivery.  Both comments sickened me.  

    I think it’s hateful and disgusting that women act this way towards other women.  I don’t care why you had a natural delivery, so why would you care why I had a c-section? How does my c-section affect you?  Do you *really* think you’re a better mother because you got lucky and didn’t need quite so many medical interventions?  

    Post # 5
    12251 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I thnk there’s too much judging of one another as it is, and this is just one more area where each woman- PERSON- has a perfect right to make her own, and her family’s own, decisions. 

    Off topic, but I find the idea that a non expert’s opinion is equal to an expert’s tiring. 

    Post # 6
    6830 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Mothers judge each other way to much period. What one way of parenting works for one parent, may not work for another set of parents. I am so tired of being judged because I couldn’t Boyfriend or Best Friend.

    Post # 7
    1466 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

    I absolutely hear what you are saying. I’m 3 months pregnant, and already people are asking me about my delievery. I know that I personally really, really want a natural birth. I even chose a program out of my city to help give me a better chance for this to happen. I was surprised at the amount of women around me calling me stupid for not getting an epidural. That was stupid for not taking advantage of the medicine, and why should I make myself suffer if I don’t have to? And if I’m offered a c-section, I should jump at the chance instead of going through with a vaginal one. It really hurt my feelings that they think that because I really want to experience natural birth, that they think I’m “stupid”. Now I just keep my mouth shut when people ask and non-committedly just shrug my shoulders. I would never put down a woman for wanting an epidural or a c-section, so it frustrates me that they think it’s okay to put me down.

    Post # 8
    3688 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I actually just re-watched “The Business of Being Born” last night. Fascinating documentary. The only thing I don’t agree with are elective c-sections (meaning women who are perfectly able to give birth vaginally, but choose not to because they don’t want to go through labor). There have been so many studies about how vaginal birth is healthier for both the mother and child, so I don’t really agree with putting both at risk just to have the birth be more convenient for the mother. No judgment against women who need c-sections for medical reasons or women who choose to have drugs, etc.

    Post # 9
    2400 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Yupppp. I’ve been told I’m weak because I got the epidural. I think it’s so sad and hateful when women say to other women “Your less of a mom because you had a c-section.” or “C-section is the easy way out.” I had a vaginal and I’m sorry but women who have had c-sections are seriously heros in my book. I could’nt imagine the pain you had to bare. I was also bad mouthed because I got induced and “didn’t let nature take it’s course.” Each mother does it different and has different experiences.

    Post # 10
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I hear ya. I am however against elective c-sections and early elective deliveries (for both quality and cost reasons – can’t help but bring my career into it) however I won’t judge you as being a poor mother if you chose one of those things. 

    People need to mind their own business is what it comes down to.  And that goes for things beyond childbirth and parenting!

    Post # 11
    8041 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @FLBlonde93:  I am so sick of the term “shaming”, first of all. It’s everywhere these days and driving me bonkers.

    No, I don’t think it’s anti feminist or whatever. I think women (and men) love to judge each other in every aspect of life. This isn’t different from when someone judges hipsters for their silly glasses or for that fat chick when she gets a venti frappucino.

    Yes, in general people should stop “shaming” each others’ choices.

    If we simply focused on ourselves and our own choices, the world would be a better place.

    Post # 13
    1188 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @figgnewton:  I always find it odd that people consider a c-section the “easy way out”.  First off, most of the time, you have a c-section because something is already wrong… baby isn’t progressing, you have an illness, pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure… in any case, no one is having fun.  Then, you have a c-section and wait an hour or two to hold your baby.  Then, you spend weeks recovering.  Not sure how that’s the better deal!

    Post # 14
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I think certain types of people try to one up others with many things including birth. It makes them feel better about themselves. 

    Post # 15
    123 posts
    Blushing bee

    I am not judgemental about any method of giving birth, even elective c-sections.

    Whatever you choose doesn’t make you less of a mother or more of a mother, period.

    Post # 16
    7311 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Yes and no. I think that some of what is perceived as “judgement” is more like frustration. Hell, I’d like to go back and slap younger me for not being more educated and pro-active about my own child birth experience. There are women out there who are opening doors and challenging the establishment. I imagine that for some of them, who have had to argue for the option of having a heplock instead of a constant IV, or who have had to cajole the system to be allowed to get up and walk around while in labor it can be very frustrating to see others who appear to be following the establishment without question. And that may come out as judgement, when it’s really something else.

    And then there are those individuals who just need to feel superior by putting others down for whatever choice is at hand. A preggo friend of mine recently encountered this when she declared to 2 other friends that she wanted to try for a natural both. They literally laughed in my preggo friend’s face. She left and called me, crying. She was so hurt by their judgement. All I could tell her was, “Welcome to the Mommy wars. Everyone thinks they know better than you. You’ll get used to it.”

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