(Closed) do you follow up with no-shows to see what happened?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I feel like if someone no-shows it is their responsibility to come to you and apologize. We only had three no-shows at our wedding. One was a +1 of a guest so I don’t really care, one was the gf of my dh’s cousin (who i’ve met before… so that seemed kind of strange he showed up without her) but since the cousin at least came we’ll prob just let that go and not say anything. The third one was a friend of mine. First she missed the RSVP deadline, then after tracking her down she says she’s coming. Then she (I found out later) texted a mutual friend the morning of my wedding to say she wasn’t coming (no reason given) and the friend told her she HAD to at least email me to apologize for missing it. No email, no text, no facebook, no-show. I haven’t spoken to her since and after a few months I just de-friended her on fb. If she was a good friend I probably would’ve tried harder to at least find out what happened… but I feel like she was sooooooo incredibly rude and we weren’t really close anyways so it isn’t really a relationship worth saving. 

Post # 4
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@dynamic_duo: I wouldn’t go out of my way to ask them. I do think it’s their responsibility to check in with you about it but if they don’t, i would just ask them when i saw them next. 

If it was me it would sound something like ‘Hey guys! Where the F were you last Saturday?’ 

Post # 5
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

We had 7 no shows and 2 that left after the ceremony at our wedding.  I thiink most of them contacted me or our parents in some way to explain.  I don’t really know that I’d go chasing them down.  Most were friends of our parents that we could have invited one of our OWN friends in place of that actually would have enjoyed attending, so that kind of burns my butt, but I pretty much just let it go.

And besides after the reason the two that left in between gave, I was a little afraid to ask…

Post # 6
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We had 2 no shows. The other guests knew that she couldn’t make it and she then messaged me two days later- her work scheduled her the Thursday before to work another wedding and couldn’t find anyone to replace her. The other was a pain to get an RSVP from in the first place and then didn’t show. We’re not too concerned about her.

Post # 8
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

We had 5 people not show up…

One couple…we never heard a reason why. They were one of the first people to RSVP yes, we’ve interacted with them since..never got an explanation but never asked why. Maybe they forgot? Who knows.

The second couple was an engaged couple…they broke up the same week of our wedding. I’ve interacted with since but definitely didn’t need to ask why they didn’t show up.

The 5th person was just a notoriously flakey friend of DH’s and he never explained nor did Darling Husband ask why he didn’t show.

I would just leave it up to them if they choose to tell you our not, or possibly bring it up the next time you saw them. It’s kind of a letdown when people suddenly go MIA but it happens. I guess if they were close enough for me to invite to the wedding (aside from +1s) then they are good enough to get the benefit of a doubt from me until proven otherwise.

Some people just have no idea the amount of time and money it takes to plan a wedding and don’t really see how concrete their RSVP is in the grand scheme I guess!

Post # 9
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

we had about 150 people at our party after we eloped – i couldnt even guess if anyone didnt show up although there were some extras

as annoying as it is i wouldnt contact them

Post # 11
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Probably passive aggressive, but next time I have a shindig and those flakes want to come, I’ll just ask, “Oh, like last time when you said you’ll be here but didn’t show up, and gave no explanation?”  

Post # 12
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Don’t make a big deal about it. Ask the next time you talk to them, but don’t ruin a friendship. I hate to say it, but it’s a BBQ, not a $100 plated dinner. 

Post # 13
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well, I know this isn’t quite as formal or big of a deal, but at my 18th birthday party a “friend” was all about coming and wanted me to meet her new boyfriend…but she never showed up. No explanation, ever. It’s been a year and a half and the only time she spoke to me was to tell me she got a spam email from my account, and it was a very curt message. Still confuses me…I never asked what happened and she isn’t invited to my wedding. 

Post # 15
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d be hurt if people were no shows – unless they were people I didn’t wan to invite anyhow. If I have no shows, I won’t be following up – it’s their loss. Luckily I don’t have to pay for people until after the fact, so it isn’t a monetary concern either.

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