Post # 1
My mom and I have a great relationship for the most part. But we have also had a tumultuous one in that we know how to grate on each other’s nerves. We have up’s and down’s and when things are good, we are very close and enjoy each other’s company. The downs are usually squabbles and bickering and stubborness–on both of our parts. We can be very petty with and about each other. In fact, we are very, very simliar and I think that is what causes us to butt heads when we do. When we fight, we will go days or weeks without talking. We will talk it out and always find the utmost forgiveness. My mother isn’t selfish or conniving or manipulative or mean. We just manage to bring out pettiness and stubborness in each other. I have though about this ad nauseum and I think that the things about each other that irritate us the most are things we dislike about ourselves. Again, we are very very similar.
Anyway, we got into an argument this weekend while I was visiting. I ended up leaving and during my drive home I felt so sad about the fact that this happens between us. I think about the relationships I am pretty sure my cousins and other girl friends have with their moms. I don’t think any of them fight with their mom’s. It makes me sad…like there’s something bad about our relationship. I know our relationship is uniquely ours, but I can’t help but feel a little isolated that I am someone who fights with her mom. I find that sometimes I’m jealous that I think of my aunts and the fact that they don’t seem to fight or have tiffs or disagreements with their daughters (my cousins). I know I don’t know 100% about their relationships, but I am close with my cousins and I”m fairly certain they don’t have these experiences with their mother’s. I don’t have deep-seated angers or resentments towards my mom…she’s an excellent mother. She just does and says things that get on my nerves and I revert to a short-tempered, smart-assed person and she does the same and then it’s all downhill from there. But I can’t help but wonder if I am in the minority in that my relaitonship with my mom has these ups and downs. It seems all of my friends and family are BFF’s with their mom’s all of the time.
Post # 3
I don’t think I’ll ever grasp the whole “My mom is my BFF” thing. I don’t think I’ll ever utter the words, “My mom is so supportive,” either. It’s sad to me.
I have a very strained relationship with my mother. I find it very hard to get close with her. She’s selfish and can be insensitive. Her emotional maturity level is that of a 3 year old. My sisters and my BILs came up with this age simultaneously!
I think because of her I never wanted to become mother myself. I just never had the desire. Howver my sisters have kids, so maybe my feelings on kids comes from elsewhere.
A few of my recent posts have been about her and my troubles with her.
Post # 4
@sienna76: I could have written this.
No, my mom and I are not buds. There’s years of mental games and drama from her that I have a very hard time leaving behind just because she happens to be my mother. We tolerate each other for the most part, though, so I guess that shows we both care to some extent.
Post # 5
I do get along great with my mom. I text her random things during the day and she does as well. We fought more when I was younger I guess, since I was a teenager and those in general are bad. I was honestly a really good one, but still… all the women in my family are close though. My sister, aunt and grandma all on that side too.
Post # 6
my mom and i have became very close within the last two years. before then i was always very close with my dad. (parents are still married) alot has changed in the past two years of life in which i had to lean on my mom. needed support with boyfriend (now husband) had a crazy ex and my mom was there for me (she loves him) we got married, in which mom helped with all of wedding. we are now expecting and mom comes with me to doctor. i dont know what id do without her. we hang out alot because my husband travels alot for work and my parents only live 15 minutes away. i have an older brother in which no one in the family is really close with so im glad my parents have me.
Post # 7
@MrsDrRose612: So what you’re saying is that you don’t have an issue with your mother, you have an issue with her behaviour sometimes and that’s completely normal. That’s what the relationship with my daughter is like every once in a while. I’m lucky that we can talk reasonably about anything/everything but maybe that’s because I love HER unconditionally and I realize that I’m just as likely to be in the wrong as she is.
But maybe, it’s because I’m not like my mother. My self worth isn’t tied up in other people’s perceptions of me (mostly) nor am I willing to put my needs above everyone else’s.
So, to answer your question, do I get along with my mum, I’d have to answer “I don’t know; I haven’t spoken to her for 18 months.”
Post # 8
Yes and no….
She is a great Mum and will do anything for me, but I get the feeling that I disappoint her (and unfortunately I am her only daughter). As a result, we don’t always get along and I wouldn’t say we are overly close.
My relationship with my Dad is the complete opposite. I just wish I had such a good relationship with my Mum as well.
Post # 9
@sienna76: Sounds very familiar to me.
My mom and I are more like very distant sisters. She is bi-polar and this makes the relationship even harder. While I know that she does love me she is also very jealous and selfish which often comes between us.
She left our wedding in the middle of dinner without so much as a goodbye. No one knew where she went, why, or if she was okay. She spent most of the morning NOT with me and complaining that her dress wasn’t as pretty as mine (DUH I’m the bride!). I still don’t have an acceptable explanation nor has she apologized for missing out on a great deal of the day. I have just learned that I cannot rely on her for much and while that is incredibly sad it is what I have to do to survive emotionally.
Post # 10
I have a love-hate relationship with my mother. I love her and am grateful to her for all she has done for my brother and me, but she is the most emotionally manipulative person in the world and is the complete opposite of me. where I’m blunt and truthful, she likes to be told what she wants to hear – clash!
we used to be close, now I just rather keep her at a distance but with enough communication to keep her happy and off my case. she’s still my go-to when I’m being indecisive about something, and I always catch myself when I realize I’m being like her (in terms of quirks, and I’m suddenly reminded of her) but otherwise, she’s a big reason why I’ve never felt homesick living on the other side of the world from her. I do miss her sometimes though.
the biggest frustration I have with this situation is that I can never tell her how I truly feel about the way she treats me and the fact that she never apologizes. sooo we get along, but only because I concede many things just so I don’t have to deal with the tantrum/freakout
Post # 11
@Treejewel19: Oh good lord, my mom spent half the morning of my wedding locked in the bathroom after throwing a hissy fit claiming that people weren’t paying enough attention to her! It sounds awful to say this and I never wish it upon anyone, but it’s nice to hear that other women go through this crap as well.
Post # 12
Ok….that’s sad and you get a *HUG*
I’m a very strange person, because I have always gotten along with both of my parents famously…I couldn’t tell you exactly why, but it just works, all I can recall, even when I was very young is that I was spoken to and listened to with respect, I was allowed to be my own person and disagreements were always talked about calmy because you never raise your voice to a person you love…I don’t think that’s going to help you though, because you and your Mom have a pattern together, and changing that might be really hard, but if you two can agree that the next time your together, and one of you starts to get that feeling, that a time out can be called and the subject gets dropped altogether, I think it would be a good start.
Post # 13
My mom is my pretty much my best friend. We’ve always been very close and I can only really remember one major fight, (we didn’t speak for a week).
We confide in each other and she’s always been my number one supporter in everything in life. She’s the most amazing person I know, (along with my DH). She really is my hero and I can only hope that some day if I choose to have kids I’ll be the kind of mom that she is to my brother and me.
Post # 14
@Meowkers: This sounds like me and my mom. We are really close and talk to each other a couple of times a week. She is always my #1 supportor (along with DH) and I’ll consider myself a success if I am half the mom she is when I have children of my own.
Post # 15
misspeanut Treejewel19 Oh wow, My mom cried in the mirror about how ugly she was. This was the same mirror my sister is looking into while getting ready, just minutes before her ceremony! I’m like, “Ma! You’re not ugly, besides this is not YOUR day anyway! It’s your daughter’s day!”
Boy, do our moms sound so similar. I wish it were called something so I could at least attribute it to that – whatever it is. I don’t think she’s bi-polar though.
Do either of you live near your mom? I’m a 3 hour plane ride away at least.
Post # 16
I want that kind of close relationship with my mum so bad 🙁
I haven’t had a proper relationship with my mother since I was a child. She was a teen parent and lacked the emotional maturity to be a good parent – still does. She was emotionally abusive – growing up it seemed intentional, now that I’m an adult I can see that it was simply that she lacked the skills to be any other way, and can see how it runs in our family, with her mother treating her the same.
I left home when I was 13 years old and tried many times to re-establish a relationship with her. I’m now 23, have two young kids that don’t know her and haven’t been on positive speaking terms with her for almost 4 years. She’s easy enough to get along with, until she perceives some kind of offense or injustice, and then she just loses the plot, turning into a petty, emotional, intense crazy woman. She then cuts you off and refuses to speak to you, and then tries to start it all over again a few months later. It’s exhausting, hence why I gave up the rollercoaster years ago.
I’m getting married in 6 months, and there’s so many milestones that I feel sad about not having a mother for – my children, my wedding, the house we’ve just bought, graduating university… it’s a lonely, lonely time doing all of these things without familiy and without FH’s family I’d really be stuck.
I feel for all you ladies going through life without a supportive mother – and hope I can be everything my young daughters need me to be, all their life. I laugh it off or put up a false bravado most of the time in public, but privately it’s really hard to cope with so love to all my motherless Bees out there <3