- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Your SO assumes something bad about you?
It’s seriously the easiest way to get me to fight.
I had a situation a couple of weeks ago where I had just gotten a session of a half sleeve tattoo and it wasn’t healing well, and I was really anxious and upset, and honestly pretty fixated on it. This tattoo has been a huge life goal for me for longer than I’ve even known SO, and there’s a lot of stress, both good stress and bad stress, associated with it. At the same time as I got the tattoo, I began PMSing worse than usual, as well as being exhausted and really stressed out at work.
The result was that I admit I wasn’t the best fiancee for about a week. I was short with him and demanding and harsh. I admitted it to him and have since been trying to be really sweet, and I think I’ve been doing a lot.
But now I think he’s making more of it than it was, and minimizing my efforts to make things better, only focusing on the negative.
Last night he said “so are you gonna be a jerk again after the next tattoo session?” This is about 4 days into me trying really hard to be nice. I told him how much it angers me when he makes bad assumptions, and we should always let each other learn and change for the better, but he just went on and on and on about how horrible I was.
I asked him about the last several days, when I was trying really hard to do better, and he said that yeah, it was better than before, but it’s not good enough.
Excuse me, but I don’t have any idea what I can do other than what I’m doing. I’ve been initiating sex more, playing video games with him cheerfully and not showing that I’d honestly rather do something else, cooking complicated meals for him, doing all the washing up. Last weekend I asked him to pick something (a pear, that’s it!) up for me at the store when he was going anyway, and he’s using that as an example of why I’m not doing good enough.
We had this huge fight about it, which led to him FURTHER saying I’m failing to improve because I got angry with his ungratefulness.
This morning I woke up early to help him get into a very complex halloween costume for work (long story), something I have never done before and had NO idea how to do (he didn’t know either) and he criticized both my performance and my attitude, saying I did a bad job and was “mean” about it. (I said to him, a bit frustrated but not AT him, “you’re going to have to figure out how to do [this one part] because I can’t.” That was apparently what was mean.)
He’s not normally like this and I feel like I can’t even say anything to him anymore because everything I say is somehow mean or offensive. It’s like he’s just suddenly adopted this victim mentality and applies it to every interaction with me.
I want to emphasize this ISN’T NORMAL. We’ve been together for almost FOUR YEARS and nothing like this has ever happened before.
So now he’s just assuming I’m going to be awful to him, and because the assumption makes me mad, I prove him right. :-/ Not sure what to do. Is it really so unreasonable to be upset that your SO thinks the worst of you?