(Closed) Do you get scared?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2389 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m not waiting, but I get scared like that, too. In those moments, I like to look at the situation and see if I can figure out what happened to that relationship that caused it to fracture, and think about ways I can avoid it. 

Post # 4
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@MariaW:  It’s a scary thought and a reality for many couples but honestly I believe communication, or lack thereof, is responsible for a lot of the marriage breakdowns. So if you and your partner are open and honest with each other, I’m sure it’ll make for many happy years of marriage.

Post # 6
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

The statistics are scary, but I agree that a solid relationship with good communication is so important. Also, while I really not the case for all, I think quite a few couples simply throw in the towel too easily. I am 35 years old and have old classmates that are already on marriage #3. 

Post # 7
75 posts
Worker bee

I definitely agree the statistics are scary. Which made me nervous as it is, however it was when my mom walked out on my dad that really made me question marriage. I have always believed in marriage but now I am nervous as I always believed my parents had the perfect relationship. Although I think keeping the communication open, and to focus on your partner is the most important, and maintaining these two things will  hopefully prevent any divorce. 

Post # 8
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Being scared is a natural part of life, if you aren’t scared of losing something, it probably isn’t worth having in the first place…people are afraid of lots of things, of never reaching their full potential, of never finding out who they really are..of dogs!  It’s just part and parcel with the human gig, but if you can take that fear, turn it into a motivator, into a positive, well, that sounds like the beginning of being brave, doesn’t it? 

Take the plunge, don’t look back and hang on with both hands, it’s one hell of a ride, and as my Grandpa always says, “You ride her until she bucks ya, then you don’t ride no more.”

Post # 9
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MariaW:  My parents divorced and my SO is in the process of divorcing (it’s taking forever). So yes, I’d be lying if I said that the worry of divorce doesn’t cross my mind. I guess you just can’t predict the future. My fear isn’t bad enough to make me not want to get married, though. I think I have a fairly good understanding of what makes a relationship work. My last relationship was a gongshow and my current relationship (and my SO) are pretty much the opposite… so that’s a good thing.

Post # 10
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s definitely one of my biggest fears in life, but I believe that if you have a solid foundation, really know each other before marriage, and keep communication open you will be fine. The first of my friends is dealing with divorce right now but, unfortunately, we all saw it coming. She always seemed a little unsure in the relationship and they didn’t seem quite right for one another. I know this is not always the case but it definitely makes me feel a little bit better about my own situation, as we constantly communicate and seem to have a completely different type of relationship that they did. 

It’s normal to fear this but I also think that going into a relationship knowing you are against divorce will prevent you from marrying the wrong person in the first place.  

Post # 11
4025 posts
Honey bee

I am not waiting either, as I am engaged and plan on getting married next August. I have been with my Fiance for the past 9 years and while our relationship is strong now, we have had our rocky patches. Communication and hard work saved us. 

Honestly though, in regard to your question, while divorce is not something I  expect to happen and I know it would hurt tremendously, it is not something I am scared of. To be honest, there are much worse things that could happen in life (i.e., death of a loved one/child, personal illness, natural disaster, etc).

I value marriage, but I do not think that you HAVE to make it work in all cases. In some situations because of abuse, disrespect, gross incompability, infertility, long-term discontent, etc, it does not work. Yes, a couple should try within reason to save their marriage, but if both people can agree it is not in either one’s best interest, then sometimes divorce is a necessary step. As evidenced by encore brides, sometimes the first marriage is a mistake (we are all human) for whatever reason, but they do find someone else to share their lives with afterward. I do not hold it against them, I applaud their strength to try again.

I will work hard to make my marriage work, but I do not fear divorce.

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