(Closed) Do you give a gift even if you are flying in for someone's wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 62
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yes, I give the same gift.

Post # 63
Member
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@bluegreenjean:  Yes, but it actually is more complicated. Apparently your reception is how you thank people for coming. People find it “fishing of a gift” to sent a thank you note witout a gift. It was the most stressful event of our wedding. Especially for people like best man and maid of honor– we wrote thank you notes with their bridal party gift. Did those could?  FWIW, my thank you notes were almost exactly like what you posted. 

Post # 64
Member
3679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@bluegreenjean:  It might seem silly to you, but that’s traditional etiquette. Your wedding is the ceremony, and the reception is the thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. Sending thank you notes to guests who didn’t give a gift (or otherwise go out of their way, like helping to set up/take down, etc) can come across like, “where’s my gift?”

Post # 65
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@cmbr:  But we’re talking about guests who traveled a great distance to come to the wedding.  That’s already “going out of their way”. 

Post # 66
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’ve attended one wedding that required air travel, and I was a bridesmaid. I gave 2 small gifts (a frame and a cute nightgown) totaling about $50. She was happy to receive them but would have been happy just to have me there.

Post # 67
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

indecisivebee

good question. my wedding was semi destination. (really it was a plane or ferry ride to the next town over but still it costs) some gave nice gifts. but some gave small gifts like bathsalt or something but many of them did not give a gift. which was fine by me;-) i dont expect a gift just because i got married. i just want them to be there. if it was get a gift or you be there. i would rather you be there. i also had an open bar, food, and candy mason jar favors. i still didnt expect anything. i also dont like the pressure of gifts so i didnt even have a registery. what ever anyone wanted to give or bring was fine by me. i think you are a good friend for going to all of those weddings in 10 months!!

Post # 68
Member
7584 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve got no problem not giving a gift if I’ve incurred significant travel costs, but that’s the standard in my social circle. I can’t think of a single one of my friends or family that would WANT their guests to fork over hundreds for flights, hundreds for hotel, then throw a gift on top of it. And i don’t want my guests coming even further out of their pockets for gifts. Cards are plenty. 

Post # 69
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Yes.

Post # 70
Member
4650 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Short answer, yes, I bring *something* but if I spend a lot on transit it’ll be a very small gift.

Post # 71
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would never attend a wedding without a gift.  For destination weddings, I keep it around $50, though.

My dad would always explain that I got a night of free drinks, dancing, and food, and I would spend at least $100 on that if I went out myself, right?  So isn’t it fair to pass it on to the bride?  (I know that isn’t everyone’s belief, but it’s so ingrained in me I can’t escape it).  I once went as a plus one to a wedding (I didn’t know the couple getting married at all) and saw how little my date was giving and I contributed an extra amount to make sure it was somewhat acceptable by “my” standards.  I don’t expect everyone else to adhere to them.  My dad is italian, from jersey, and how they do weddings and gifts there is maybe different than other areas.  I would feel that I was doing something wrong if I didn’t give a gift, though I know that this isn’t everyone’s etiquette and I don’t expect others to be doing the same thing.

Post # 72
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

@indecisivebee:  I know this sounds bad….

But if i am flying in town for a wedding and buying a hotel room… and i am young ( i was in college) I never got the bride and groom a gift… I thought my gift was me coming, but i will say that i was very young and didn’t have any money to even really go.

Also for my bff’s wedding i got her a gift, a very nice necklace that was white gold and that was her gift for the wedding.  I didn’t get the couple a gift…

 

I dont’ expect any young couples under the age of 24 if they are coming from out of town to get me a gift

 

Post # 73
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am having a destination wedding and i dont expect gifts at all.  I never expect gifts inany situatio…. even my shower…. I do know some people will bring them or atleast a card.  I have stated on the wedding website that we hope people will respect the fact that we are flying.  I will not even have a gift table at the wedding.  I will have a bird cage for cards, but if someone brings a large present i will be thankful but annoyed.

I live out of state and i have flown to my friends’ weddings. I still give a gift even tho i have spent $500 in flights, $100 on a dress, $70 for hair, $120 for a rental car, etc. I still love them and i want to help them start their new life together. I do limit my gift to about $50.

All that being said i do have a really good job and I make decent money for being 25. If you are not in that situation then do what you need to do.  If you cant afford to do it then you cant afford it and just be there to support someone.  If the bride is really judging if you got them a present then they dont seem to be a real friend.

 

Post # 74
Member
3336 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Gifts aren’t technically required, but I always give one when I go to a wedding.  If you can afford to spend $2000 to travel, you can afford an extra $20-200 to get them a gift.  Even if you can only get them something small, I feel like you should give them something.  Otherwise, don’t attend the wedding and send them a gift instead.

Post # 76
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If it’s not a destination wedding for the couple, then it is not their fault that I as a guest don’t happen to live closer. In this case I would give a gift. If it’s a destination wedding for the couple and they specifically chose to get married in a place that everyone needs to spend a lot of money to travel too, then I would not give a gift.

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