(Closed) Do you give a gift when you can’t attend the wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you send a gift when you can't attend the wedding?
    Yes : (53 votes)
    56 %
    No : (5 votes)
    5 %
    Depends (explain below) : (36 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    For me, it depends. If I am close to one or both of them, I will send a gift. If it is someone I am not close with and haven’t heard of for years, then I don’t send a gift.

    Post # 4
    Member
    639 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i usually send a gift as an acknowledgement of the invite and as a congratulations for the couple even if I can’t make it to the wedding.  What the gift is/how much I spend depends on how well I know or how close I am to the couple.

    Post # 5
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I’m with noritake22. If I know them and just can’t make it I will send something. If they are a distant relative or I lost touch them probably not.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If I am unable to attend, I just send a card with best wishes. Everyone else I know is the same way.

    Post # 7
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m with denverbirdlet – I was raised that you are always supposed to get the couple a gift, whether you can attend or not.  Now if it is someone I’m not very close to, that gift will likely be a $15-$20 gift card to one of the stores they registered at that I stick in a card.  But if it’s someone I’m close to, I’ll send them a nice gift off the registry.

    Post # 8
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’ve been thinking about this recently. Fiance was going to go to a wedding of a friend (we couldn’t afford two plane tickets or else I would have gone too) but then waited too long for other people to figure out their schedules. The prices have increased by over $100 and not it doesn’t make sense to go. We wish we really could be there so I am thinking of sending them a gift.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think if it’s a situation where you normally would love to attend the wedding, but you can’t make it for some reason, then yeah, you definitely should give a gift. But if you’re not going to attend because you aren’t close with whoever invited you, and maybe the invite was also more of a polite acknowledgement of your relationship but not so much with the expectation that you would come, then I don’t think a gift should be sent.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I send a gift if I’m not attending the shower. If I go to the wedding and the shower, I bring a gift to both, but if I only go to the shower, I only bring a shower gift.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    For some people that I am not so close to or wouldn’t know many at the wedding, I would rather spend $100 on a gift for them then to spend $100 to travel plus come up with a gift. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t think you have to send a gift if you hardly know the people, I think a card is plenty.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If you barely know the couple, it seems quite strange that you would be invited in the first place. Most people view weddings as intimate and only choose to share them with people they know and love who support their relationship. In a situation like that, don’t feel obligated to send anything or even attend, just because they are sending you an invite out of obligation themselves.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If I can’t go to the wedding, I send a gift.  If I’m not close to the couple getting married, then I’ll get a small gift. 

    I’m a little shocked that people don’t send a gift if they can’t come to the wedding. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee

    Many times people are invited to business associates kids wedding or such.  I don’t think it’s necessary to send a gift to something like that necessarily.  But, if it’s a good friend I’ll send a gift even if they are having no wedding or a family only wedding.

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