(Closed) Do you give a gift when you can’t attend the wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you send a gift when you can't attend the wedding?

    Yes

    No

    Depends (explain below)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If I bought a gift off the registry for the shower, then I won’t buy another gift for a wedding that I don’t go to.  If I was invited to the wedding and can’t attend and they didn’t have a shower, I try to send something small.

    Post # 18
    Member
    7768 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think it depends.  If they knew you couldn’t attend, I do not think you are obligated. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I too always send a wedding gift regardless of whether I can attend the wedding and regardless of whether I attended the shower. The size of the gift for the wedding if I can’t attend depends on how well I know the couple (or one of them). I think it is nice to show that you support them even if you cannot attend.

    Post # 20
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Call me a sucker, but I always send a gift to events even when I can not attend.  You name it……..weddings, graduations, baptisms, bris, birthday, showers etc.  However, most of the guests for my wedding and shower were out of town and unable to attend.  They for the most part did not reciprocate the gesture, so I am re-evaluating my policy 🙂

    Post # 21
    Member
    1184 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think that the proper etiquette is to send a wedding gift if you can’t attend. For my bridal shower two of my aunts and my mom’s friend couldn’t attend so they gave me gifts anyways. I got 3 or 4 gifts from people who didn’t attend and a wedding gift from my FI’s great-aunt. So I would say YES. I thought it was a great gesture and I sent most of them all thank you notes. I think I have one more to write and some more invitations to send… but anyhow.

    Post # 22
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would assume you are close, otherwise why get an invite.  If not, then I’d just send a card; if so, then I’d send a gift.  If they have registries, try to find options that won’t hurt your financial position, or send a nice gift card to a store they’d like – if money is really tight.

    Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for our guests – a few did but many didn’t and I’m surprised because we’ve known each other for a long time and I’d certainly would send them a gift (plus, many were hassles in getting their rsvp info – very rude).

    Post # 23
    Member
    5669 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I always give a gift if I was unable to attend the event whether that be a wedding, bridal shower, birthday etc. Usually if you receive an invite then you are close with the bride and groom and should send something.  For my bridal shower I received a gift from almost everyone who was unable to attend so I assume it would be the same for a wedding.

    Post # 24
    Member
    3997 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I have always sent a gift.  No matter what.  But, I’m interested to see if others do the same, in our circle.

    Post # 25
    Member
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I determine if I do or not upon the relationship. If I’m close to them then yes. If they’re just acquaintences, then no.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1752 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I always buy a gift.  I’ll send them a card & a check for 50 bucks.  That way they saved all that money on my food & got a gift on top of it!

    Post # 27
    Member
    5843 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I always buy a gift off the registry when I cannot attend a wedding.

    Post # 28
    Member
    713 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    i might not give AS MUCH as if my Fiance and I both went to the wedding.. but I would def send something. I send something if I can not make it to a shower too.

    Post # 29
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Depends on how close I am to the person. Also, how I’m doing financially – I do humanitarian work and am completely supported by the gifts of others, so … I don’t have a lot of financial stability at times.

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