Do you give a gift?!

posted 8 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

I think typically, the Maid/Matron of Honor gives a gift like anyone else. However, I think it would be perfectly acceptable if you both mutually agree that helping each other with wedding stuff IS your wedding gift to each other – but it really depends on your friendship and if you think she would be receptive to that.

Post # 3
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I believe whether or not a part of the wedding party, you always give a gift. Yes, as a Maid of Honor you have other responsibilitis and expenses such as dresses, shoes etc. But a gift should be proper etiquette. 

Post # 4
Member
2897 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I would get her a gift, but as PP suggested you could talk to her about it and agree to not get each other a gift. I was Maid/Matron of Honor and didn’t give a gift because her wedding cost me $5k to attend (destination) so I told her upfront I wouldn’t be getting her a gift and she was totally understanding. Just talk to your friend!

Post # 5
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

Honestly, since you’re close enough to be each other’s maid of honor, I would just flat-out ask her if she would be open to agreeing not to get gifts for each other since the weddings are so close. I’m sure she would be equally relieved 🙂

Post # 6
Member
7273 posts
Busy Beekeeper

gunnabamissus :  you’re best friends – TALK ABOUT IT. Myself and 3 of my best friends got married within 5 months of each other and we were in each other’s weddings. We agreed that showers, bachelorettes, and wedding day dress/shoes/hair/makeup was enough and didn’t give each other specific “wedding” gifts. 

Post # 7
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I always give a gift. Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or guest. 

Post # 9
Member
7273 posts
Busy Beekeeper

gunnabamissus :  don’t try to keep it even – that never works. You have both given each other gifts already! For all you know she regifted that beautiful gift and didn’t spend a dime on it. I don’t think it comes off as cheap if you suggest smaller/no gifts considering that you’re doing all this DIY together. You’re already giving the gift of time and crafting. 

Post # 10
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m in the U.K. so when I’ve been a bridesmaid ive not had to buy a dress or pay for hair and make up, as it’s normal for the bride to pay for it here. So I would definitely buy a gift. However I think I would think differently if I’d been expected to help out with diy decorations for or had to buy a dress and pay for hair and make up to be a bridesmaid. 

Post # 11
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

gunnabamissus : Well since you are getting married first , Why dont you wait and see if she gives you a gift for you’re wedding then I would give a gift in return I think that is fair. If no gifts it should be ok to do the same for her , But personally I always bring a gift to weddings in the bridal party or not. 

Post # 12
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

gunnabamissus :  None of my bridesmaids or Maid/Matron of Honor gave me a gift.  I paid for dress hair and makeup and they wore shoes they already had, but they paid for their accomodation and my hens so I definitely didn’t expect gifts on top of that. 

You guys are close, so I would just casually bring it up to her and say do you want to agree no wedding gifts for each other, to save some costs? 

Post # 13
Member
11599 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I think of wedding gifts as symbolic and sentimental, so I would make room in my budget to commemorate a best friend’s wedding, even if the gift had to be delayed. Many of the expenses commonly associated with the wedding party are optional, and others are an imposition so some of this comes down to priorities. 

Post # 14
Member
5856 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Definitely talk it over with her.

I think you could also gift each other something like a bridal spa day where you get to go together before each of your weddings so that you can relax and unwind and spend some time together separate from all of the details of wedding planning. 

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