Post # 1
Etiquette question here. I am getting married next fall and my Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married approximately 8 weeks after my wedding (I am also her MOH). Since our weddings are so close, I am focusing really hard on keeping everything in a budget and not having any un-expected costs, which means thinking ahead!
Since I have been to very few weddings, and never been in a bridal party before, please tell me:
As the Bride’s Maid/Matron of Honor, do I give a wedding gift?!
I want to know what the proper etiquette is for this and therefore budget for it. I feel I should note we are both having very hands-on DIY weddings and are assisting each other with a ton wedding planning things. No shade, we are both seriously enjoying going through this process together and helping each other with everything!
Post # 2
I think typically, the Maid/Matron of Honor gives a gift like anyone else. However, I think it would be perfectly acceptable if you both mutually agree that helping each other with wedding stuff IS your wedding gift to each other – but it really depends on your friendship and if you think she would be receptive to that.
Post # 3
I believe whether or not a part of the wedding party, you always give a gift. Yes, as a Maid of Honor you have other responsibilitis and expenses such as dresses, shoes etc. But a gift should be proper etiquette.
Post # 4
I would get her a gift, but as PP suggested you could talk to her about it and agree to not get each other a gift. I was Maid/Matron of Honor and didn’t give a gift because her wedding cost me $5k to attend (destination) so I told her upfront I wouldn’t be getting her a gift and she was totally understanding. Just talk to your friend!
Post # 5
Honestly, since you’re close enough to be each other’s maid of honor, I would just flat-out ask her if she would be open to agreeing not to get gifts for each other since the weddings are so close. I’m sure she would be equally relieved 🙂
Post # 6
gunnabamissus : you’re best friends – TALK ABOUT IT. Myself and 3 of my best friends got married within 5 months of each other and we were in each other’s weddings. We agreed that showers, bachelorettes, and wedding day dress/shoes/hair/makeup was enough and didn’t give each other specific “wedding” gifts.
Post # 7
I always give a gift. Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or guest.
Post # 8
LilliV : I definitely want to have a conversation with her, I just didnt want to come off as cheap if I suggessted it!
I also feel as though I kind of owe her a gift a little bit. I had a proper engagement party and she got me a beautiful set of bar tools that I know were not cheap! However, she is not having an engagement party (Though I offered to throw one) so I havent had a chance to give her a gift. Though I did get her a wedding planning binder and card for her and her fiance when they first got engaged.
I dont want to come off like I am trying to be cheap or skimping out on giving her a deserved gift!
Post # 9
gunnabamissus : don’t try to keep it even – that never works. You have both given each other gifts already! For all you know she regifted that beautiful gift and didn’t spend a dime on it. I don’t think it comes off as cheap if you suggest smaller/no gifts considering that you’re doing all this DIY together. You’re already giving the gift of time and crafting.
Post # 10
I’m in the U.K. so when I’ve been a bridesmaid ive not had to buy a dress or pay for hair and make up, as it’s normal for the bride to pay for it here. So I would definitely buy a gift. However I think I would think differently if I’d been expected to help out with diy decorations for or had to buy a dress and pay for hair and make up to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 11
gunnabamissus : Well since you are getting married first , Why dont you wait and see if she gives you a gift for you’re wedding then I would give a gift in return I think that is fair. If no gifts it should be ok to do the same for her , But personally I always bring a gift to weddings in the bridal party or not.
Post # 12
gunnabamissus : None of my bridesmaids or Maid/Matron of Honor gave me a gift. I paid for dress hair and makeup and they wore shoes they already had, but they paid for their accomodation and my hens so I definitely didn’t expect gifts on top of that.
You guys are close, so I would just casually bring it up to her and say do you want to agree no wedding gifts for each other, to save some costs?
Post # 13
I think of wedding gifts as symbolic and sentimental, so I would make room in my budget to commemorate a best friend’s wedding, even if the gift had to be delayed. Many of the expenses commonly associated with the wedding party are optional, and others are an imposition so some of this comes down to priorities.
Post # 14
Definitely talk it over with her.
I think you could also gift each other something like a bridal spa day where you get to go together before each of your weddings so that you can relax and unwind and spend some time together separate from all of the details of wedding planning.
Post # 15
weddingmaven : I agree. Both of us are very sentimental and old fashioned. We take the time to write each othe nice cards and full messages in them for special occasions. We both really take pride in our gift giving skills and always do our best to get really thoughtful gifts.
We plan to do a duel Bachlorette, as one of our bridesmaids is a bridesmaid in both our weddings, so that we can save a little cash doing them together. I do really want to get her a little something. Maybe not off her registry, but something personal.
TwilightRarity : I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE this idea of a spa day for us together. Occasionalyl we have ‘girls massage days’ where we get together for drinks afetr work and hit up the spa for some water therpy and massages. Maybe I could treat her to that and a facial leading up to our weddings! Thanks Bee!
nycbee523 : While it’s a good idea, I don’t really want to only get her a gift if she gets me one. Plus I am a really thoughtful gift giver. I like to put a lot of thought and effort into the gifts I give to show my appreciation and love for the person. I’d rather not leave it to the last minute or only do it because she is getting me one.