(Closed) Do you give gifts to parents if they didn’t contribute?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would do a small, non-monetary type token.  That said, I’m fresh out of specific ideas.

Post # 4
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I had this same question.  My parents have paid for everything, very graciously.  We intend to get them a nice gift, a few nights away somewhere.  They’ve been very involved in the planning and have footed the ENTIRE bill.  FI’s parents haven’t been involved nor have then contributed.  I wasn’t inclined to get them a gift, but I think I’ll end up having to get them a little something, but we intend to give my parents a large generous gift, as they deserve it IMO, for all they’ve done for us during our relationship and during this wedding planning.

Post # 5
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We will be giving gifts to those who contributed in addition to the albums we’ll have made for both sides.

Post # 5
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

definitely give a gift, they are not obligated to pay for anything. My FI’s family is not able to financially help out at all, but they will still receive a nice gift just for being his parents

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think the things you are doing for them are nice, and don’t think you need any additional gifts on top of that. I think you shoiuld give parents a gift if you want to and just acknowledge their contribution to their son/daughters life not just about the wedding day. While i think it’s nice for parents to give money, it’s not their responsebility to pay for anyones wedding, and just because one set of parents are dishing out a lot of money doesn’t mean that they care more about the couple.

Post # 7
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not giving the FIL’s ANYTHING. You’ll have to read my other posts as to why but they have not been supportive whatsoever, still owe ME money and have not offered to contribute anything after we jumped through hoops for them. There will not be any special acknowledgements for them at the wedding either such as flowers/bouts, a shoutout, NOTHING. I even pulled the parent albums from my photography package. They want pictures, they can pay for it themselves.

Post # 9
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would give something to everyone, and maybe make whoever contributed more a little bigger…but in secret. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t because I consider the gift to be a thankyou for the time/money/energy you have put into helping us with our wedding similar to the wedding party’s gifts. 

If they didn’t contribute time/ money/ energy to your wedding then it’s not necessary to gift them; however, I wouldn’t overlook non-monetary contributions such as helping you with diy projects or what have you.

Post # 11
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

@lmoss78:  I can totally relate.  When people are purposefully difficult, rude, entitled, etc I have trouble keeping the mindset of “well, they are FI’s parents, they deserved to be honored, just because”.  I wouldn’t be able to seperate all they were willing to do for your FI’s brother, nor the fact that your Future Mother-In-Law seems to rudely demand that you pay for wedding day things for her from the notion that they raised your future husband.  My Future In-Laws are difficult people and I have mixed emotions about them, but they are difficult and rude and tactless at times and aren’t involved with our wedding and still don’t seem to view Fiance as someone who now has an almost-wife and it’s not just him anymore.  I’m not super inclined to give them the same calibre of gift that my parents will receive because my parents have done and given to us a lot through the years (dinners, weeks at our beach house, gifts, favors, leant us money at times, kept our dog, etc, etc etc…things his parents have never done), they are pleasant to be around, and have paid tens and tens of thousands of dollars for our dream wedding.  So, no, I can see why you wouldn’t be jumping at the chance to give a gift to honor your Future In-Laws

Post # 12
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I just gave my mom the same necklace I gave the Maid/Matron of Honor and my officiant who is a BFF.  I didn’t give my dad anything and won’t give his dad anything as lives in FL and hasn’t done anything for wedding prep for us

Post # 13
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

@lmoss78:  yea,  would be a little off-put about that as well.

I just think the act of giving them a gift is to thank them for being a part of the special day as a whole, and not a tit for tat on whether or not they have financially/emotionally/physically supported and helped you. That doesn’t mean you have to run out and gift them something lavish, but I think a small token is still appropriate

Post # 14
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I think what you’re already doing for them is gift enough.

Post # 15
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just think the act of giving them a gift is to thank them for being a part of the special day as a whole, and not a tit for tat on whether or not they have financially/emotionally/physically supported and helped you.  


I agree with this. I think at least a heartfelt note & a trinket would be sufficient. Neither of our parents contributed, and this is probably what we’ll do.

The topic ‘Do you give gifts to parents if they didn’t contribute?’ is closed to new replies.

(Closed) Do you give gifts to parents if they didn’t contribute?

posted 6 years ago in Family