Post # 1
If a couple gives you a certain amount of money as a wedding gift, do you feel like you have to match it, give them less or more for their wedding?
What if their wedding was first, and they gave you less than what you gave them? How do/would you guys feel?
Post # 3
No. I give what I can afford at the time and what I think is appropriate given a number of factors (how close we are, any personal knowledge I have about the couple’s situation, possibly the type of wedding it is, other gifts I’ve given through the shower/party process).
I’m not willing to make myself crazy by playing the tit-for-tat game and always trying to make it even. Fair does not always mean equal.
Post # 4
Depends. If I’m a doctor and they’re a teacher, we’re going to have very different budgets. Give what you can receive and don’t expect anything back. I’m sure they gave what they could afford. I might feel a little slighted, but I shouldn’t because at the end of the day its a gift from a friend who I cared about enough to invite to my wedding and who cares enough about me to invite me to theirs.
Post # 5
@NAvery: +1. I have friends who are quite well-off and there’s just no way I could match their gifts.
Post # 6
I haven’t been to a ton of weddings, but 3 in the last year. I gave them all the same amount. It’s like the default wedding gift amount for me.
Post # 7
Generally, yes. If they were more generous than I expected, I will try to be more generous. If it was less, it depends on the circumstances. I had several friends who didn’t get me anything. Two of them have gotten married since (not to each other). One is poor- I gave her a very generous gift. The other is very comfortable and I gave an inexpensive gift.
Post # 8
No. But, now that we know how much others spend, we will definitely be increasing the amount we give!
Post # 9
We match the $ amount of the gifts
Post # 10
My spouse wants to give exactly what we received… but I have more of a vote, haha.
We have not yet attended a wedding for anyone who attended ours. There are some where we will make sure to give more than we would normally because of what we received from people; for some other people we will give more than they gave us, because we know their financial situations vs ours. One of our friends is a semi professional wedding attendee! I think they had 6 weddings last year and 8 this year! I can’t imagine their costs! At least one was a Destination Wedding for his partner’s sister, too.
Post # 11
Thanks for the responses so far ladies! I was having a debate with a friend, mainly because a lot of our friends “think” that we are very well off due to our lifestyle, but truthfully, yes we do make decent wages, but my husband is also excellent at budgeting and saving. I was starting to get the impression that people were expecting large amounts of money for wedding gifts by comments made and I was uncomfortable with that.
Post # 12
@Ryansgirl: Yes, that can definitely be a concern. Lots of people make fun of me sometimes when I reveal how cheap I am (I’m talking about things like restaurants and clothes)… but we work in an industry where most can guess our wages fairly accurately and we’re well off.
If you have mad sales-finding tactics, I would employ those. That’s what I try to do… get an awesome gift off of the registry, but buy it for a great price by watching sales at all sorts of stores and online.
Post # 13
3 of our guests have had their weddings since our own. It was something we take into account but we actually didn’t give the same to any of them.
#1 – dh’s sister. Both she and her husband were in our wedding party and they gave us $300. Plus 50 at my shower We gave them each a $100 wedding party gift. They had a destination wedding that cost us $3000 to attend and no wedding party. We gave them them $50 at their shower and $100 at their wedding.
#2 was a cousin that was invited but couldn’t come. She gave us a registry item about $25?? We attended her wedding and gave $150
#3 was a cousin that attended ours and gave $150. We couldn’t make it to their wedding (across the country) but she did have a local shower and I gave $50.
Post # 14
I don’t even keep track of how much people gave, so no I’m not concerned about giving the same amount. I always give what I feel is appropriate and I can afford. I think my gifts are usually about average, so it’s not like I’m stingy with family and friends.
Post # 15
To some extent yes. If someone gave me $150 or $200 or $300, that’s what they’ll get back.
If someone gave me $50, I would probably give $200 (my usual wedding amount).
I give what I can afford, not what others could afford to give me.
Post # 16
@Ryansgirl: I feel ya on people making assumptions about what we can afford. Dh and I both work for the government and every year the local paper puts in a freedom of information request and then publishes the name and salary of each person as well as putting a searchable database on the website. So anybody who cares to know can find that info on us and plenty of people do, which is a little awkward when we feel like what we say we can afford is questioned.