(Closed) Do you give what you receive?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No. I give what I can afford at the time and what I think is appropriate given a number of factors (how close we are, any personal knowledge I have about the couple’s situation, possibly the type of wedding it is, other gifts I’ve given through the shower/party process).

I’m not willing to make myself crazy by playing the tit-for-tat game and always trying to make it even. Fair does not always mean equal.

Post # 4
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Depends. If I’m a doctor and they’re a teacher, we’re going to have very different budgets. Give what you can receive and don’t expect anything back. I’m sure they gave what they could afford. I might feel a little slighted, but I shouldn’t because at the end of the day its a gift from a friend who I cared about enough to invite to my wedding and who cares enough about me to invite me to theirs.

Post # 5
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

@NAvery:  +1. I have friends who are quite well-off and there’s just no way I could match their gifts. 

Post # 6
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

I haven’t been to a ton of weddings, but 3 in the last year.  I gave them all the same amount.  It’s like the default wedding gift amount for me.

Post # 7
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Generally, yes.  If they were more generous than I expected, I will try to be more generous.  If it was less, it depends on the circumstances.  I had several friends who didn’t get me anything.  Two of them have gotten married since (not to each other).  One is poor- I gave her a very generous gift.  The other is very comfortable and I gave an inexpensive gift.

Post # 8
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No.  But, now that we know how much others spend, we will definitely be increasing the amount we give!

Post # 9
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We match the $ amount of the gifts

Post # 10
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My spouse wants to give exactly what we received… but I have more of a vote, haha.

We have not yet attended a wedding for anyone who attended ours.  There are some where we will make sure to give more than we would normally because of what we received from people; for some other people we will give more than they gave us,  because we know their financial situations vs ours.  One of our friends is a semi professional wedding attendee!  I think they had 6 weddings last year and 8 this year! I can’t imagine their costs!  At least one was a Destination Wedding for his partner’s sister, too.  

Post # 12
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Ryansgirl:  Yes, that can definitely be a concern.  Lots of people make fun of me sometimes when I reveal how cheap I am (I’m talking about things like restaurants and clothes)… but we work in an industry where most can guess our wages fairly accurately and we’re well off.

If you have mad sales-finding tactics, I would employ those.  That’s what I try to do… get an awesome gift off of the registry, but buy it for a great price by watching sales at all sorts of stores and online.  

Post # 13
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

3 of our guests have had their weddings since our own. It was something we take into account but we actually didn’t give the same to any of them. 

#1 – dh’s sister. Both she and her husband were in our wedding party and they gave us $300. Plus 50 at my shower  We gave them each a $100 wedding party gift. They had a destination wedding that cost us $3000 to attend and no wedding party. We gave them them $50 at their shower and $100 at their wedding. 

#2 was a cousin that was invited but couldn’t come. She gave us a registry item about $25??  We attended her wedding and gave $150

#3 was a cousin that attended ours and gave $150. We couldn’t make it to their wedding (across the country) but she did have a local shower and I gave $50. 

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t even keep track of how much people gave, so no I’m not concerned about giving the same amount. I always give what I feel is appropriate and I can afford. I think my gifts are usually about average, so it’s not like I’m stingy with family and friends.

Post # 15
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

To some extent yes. If someone gave me $150 or $200 or $300, that’s what they’ll get back.

If someone gave me $50, I would probably give $200 (my usual wedding amount).

I give what I can afford, not what others could afford to give me.

Post # 16
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Ryansgirl:  I feel ya on people making assumptions about what we can afford. Dh and I both work for the government and every year the local paper puts in a freedom of information request and then publishes the name and salary of each person as well as putting a searchable database on the website. So anybody who cares to know can find that info on us and plenty of people do, which is a little awkward when we feel like what we say we can afford is questioned. 

The topic ‘Do you give what you receive?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors