Post # 107
I’m surprised by these answers.
My FH and I have friends of both genders. We may have super relaxed rules about friend-dates because we’ve had mutual friendcircles since before we started dating, so he knows most of my guy friends, and I know most of his girl friends. He did have a coworker that he was friends with express that she was falling for him. He kiboshed it immediately, and I didn’t really have an opinion on it.
If he wasn’t cool with me grabbing a beer with a dudefriend, we’d have to sit down and talk about where the heck that feeling comes from. I view it as a trust issue, and I expect that he respects me enough to know I won’t be swapping spit with my friends.
Post # 108
No. If we both know the person very well, maybe. But I don’t trust that the other person will respect my relationship enough and I will not risk jeopardizing it.
Post # 109
@This Time Round: +100000. More often than not, I too have found that men do not have trustworthy intentions. Of course, I’m only 22 but I’ve been lucky enough to realize it early. The intentions may be pure sometimes, but like you said it’s not worth it. I agree completely with your post.
Post # 110
@letigre: +1 on being surprised.
Yes, I hang out with guy friends. Yes, Fiance hangs out with girl friends. We trust each other, and our friends aren’t trying to get in our pants.
Post # 111
I am really surprised by all these comments! I hang out with individual guy friends all the time, and even go dancing/dinner/movies stuff with them. My fiance is 100% okay with this because he trusts me and is happy for me to have an active social life. I hate to think of how many supportive friendships I’d be missing out on if he felt otherwise.
Post # 112
@Overjoyed: Not for a while…I used to have so many guy friends but I lost touch with almost all of them. My husband was still strained friends with the 2 other girls he dated but it bugged me so he cut off contact with them. In my defense, one was overstepping boundaries and knew it, and the other one was telling him her problems with her fiance which also weirded me out. And the one guy friend I talk to from my childhood is a recluse so I haven’t seen him in years. My husband and I get more jealous orfeach other’s friends and coworkers spending time with us than we care to admit.
Post # 113
Uh… why not? I think it’s dumb to ignore friendships with an entire half of the world just because you have a significant other. I don’t have a ton of friends where I live now after I moved but back home I’d happily do that. And if FH wanted to hang out with a girl one on one that would be fine too.
I just imagine thie other side of that coin. I’d be so offended and upset if one of my male friends stopped hanging out with me one on one just because he got a girlfriend/wife. Sometimes you just want to hang out alone with a friend you’re close to. I’d resent the hell out of her letting her jealousy/insecurity ruin a friendship. So I could never make a rule like that, I don’t wanna give up my friendships and I definitely don’t wanna be that girl (as far as an SO’s female friendships.)
Post # 114
Yup. Darling Husband has no problems with it. He trusts me, as he should.
Post # 115
Only one…and he’s gay so Fiance has no issues with it. I think it depends on the couple but for us, we feel spending one on one time with someone of the opposite sex is just opening the door to a slippery slope. Plus not wanting to deal with the drama of gossip if someone else sees you out and about with someone other than your partner and starts running their mouth. Just easily avoidable, IMO.
If you and your partner trust each other and there are no issues, I don’t see it as a big deal but it’s one of those things that each couple has to decide for themselves. I haven’t had male platonic friends that I’ve hung out with one on one since college and I certainly won’t be making any more now that I’m about to be married.
I have just seen it go wrong too easily for too many other people – one minute you are “just friends” and then one night, there’s an argument between the couple and you go to cry on someone else’s shoulder about it…maybe there’s a few too many drinks…and then you’re in over your head. Not for me, thanks.
Post # 116
Yup I’ve got a couple of good guy friends that I hang out with and Darling Husband is always invited but he never comes along as he thinks they are boring and a bit odd (geeky I would say not odd but anyway) and there is never any problems. My life would be less rich without their friendship and insites into life.
Post # 117
If my friends and I lived around each other, we’d totally hang out one on one every now and again. One of my dearest friends is a guy, and we actually even have a tiny bit of history (mutual attraction but always the wrong timing). We were never in love or anything, just attracted. However, we came to realize a long time ago that we make way better friends than anything else. Fiance knows this and is totally cool with it, which is great because we’re marathon phone talkers! We’d probably have a weekly set date plus random spontaneous outings if we lived in the same city. I probably wouldn’t do dinner as the first option, though, because I’d feel badly about leaving Fiance to fend for himself at home while I got a good meal out. Late nights and/or bar hopping would also be very limited but only because I’d prefer to do that kind of thing with Fiance anyway.
Post # 118
This is a difficult subject to address. For one, I am totally fine with my SO hanging out with his girl friends that he has had most of his life. But on the other hand, I have quite a few guy friends I could easily go hang out with and my SO would not care. However, I know that they like me (and so does SO) and so I would not do it out of respect for him. He says he still doesn’t mind if I hang out with them, but if they are being too flirty or crossing lines, then I need to say something and possibly end the relationship depending on how far they went.
So I guess it really depends on the relationship. I definitely do not think it is inappropriate at all, unless there are feelings involved or you are hiding it from your SO for some reason. We are all human and make friends just the same, regardless of gender. 🙂
Post # 119
@QueenOfSerendip: +1, I never realised that so many people are against the idea and find it disrespect or whatever. it’s pretty strange in my book that you won’t meet up for drinks/dinner with a friend just because of their gender. I had dinner with two male friends just yesterday.
Post # 120
Yes. My guy friend I’ve known for 10 yrs. umm.. We think he’s gay but he hasn’t openly admitted to it. And my business partner, probably doesn’t count now, but wee been friends since high school. Lol. But Fiance doesn’t mind I have guy friends. He said as long as never slept with them. Lol
Post # 121
Yes, I hang out with my guy friends one-on-one, and my husband hangs out with his female friends one-on-one. But I’m friends/friendly with my husband’s female friends, and he’s friends with my male friends too.
This is a question that repeatedly comes up on the Bee, and I think it’s just one of those things that you and your partner have to decide your mutual comfort level with. I think there are very different cultures and styles of relationship attachment and feelings about gender and how men and women can/should/do interact represented here, and you really see that in the comments. I just wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want me to hang out with other men platonically, and my husband wouldn’t want those restrictions placed on him. So it’s a win-win for the Skeptics!