(Closed) Do you go to bed angry?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

it does help to sleep on it.. cos sometimes your so mad that you really cant be reasonable about it. Ideally you shouldnt go to bed angry but I’m honestly so much calmer in the morning and can see where I’m wrong or a better way to explain why I  feel hurt or mad.

Post # 4
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant

I think a forced resolution just so you can go to bed is worse than sleeping on it and attacking the issue when you can actually devote some mental capacity to it.  I think the traditional sentiment that you shouldn’t go to bed angry is to suggest that you should work through your problems and not let it go completely.  People have just come to take it more literally.

Post # 5
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We both go to bed angry sometimes Frown  I’ve been known to be overly emotional about an issue or we’ve said something regretful and it helps to just take time.  More often than not one of us will cave and try to cuddle with the other, who will then cave as well.  

On the flip side I have spent a few nights on the couch when he needs to get sleep and I’m not tired or over the argument.  I don’t think it is a bad things as long as it doesn’t become a habit. 

Post # 6
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I always say “don’t go to bed angry” and let me explain what I mean. It doesn’t mean that you force a resolution. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you even find a resolution. And it also doesn’t preclude taking a time out to cool off.

It means you don’t go to bed ANGRY–as in an anger that makes you forget compassion and respect for each-other. To me, that’s different from going to bed “in disagreement.” I find that when we did go to bed really angry with each other, it just lingered and got more entrenched. But maybe that’s just us and other people don’t have that problem.

Post # 7
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant

@JennyW1: That’s a really great distinction you made about anger and disagreement.  I definitely agree with that sentiment.

Post # 8
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@JennyW1: Ditto what you said! It doesn’t mean everything is resolved or perfect, but it means that you’re not actually angry with each other.

Post # 9
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We don’t go to bed angry, but we rarely have an all-out “fight”. When we do, it’s usually resolved within the hour. We always kiss and say our I love yous before rolling over. Always! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Right or wrong, I’m incapable. We’ve stayed up until 4am fighting to our detriment before because I physically cannot sleep when I’m upset like that. What happens when I try is he falls right to sleep and I lay there and get more and more and more and more angry and it just ends up way worse way later. 

Post # 11
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

i totally agree with hotwings: i’d rather be left alone than forcing getting to a resolution/conclusion.

Post # 12
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Fiance and I have only had maybe 4 arguments that I would really call major in almost 4 years…lots of minor skirmishes though. I am fully able to go to sleep angry but he isn’t. It literally makes him sick to his stomach when we have a huge argument. So we at least try to talk it out enough to take the edge off before we go to sleep…for his stomach’s sake Laughing

Post # 13
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I try not to be angry in general. I feel like my anger is a secondary emotion that stems from some other emotion, and it helps me to think about why exactly I am angry (Are my feelings hurt? Am I frustrated? etc). When I realize that I am really just frustrated or whatever, it makes it easier to calm down and talk to FH rationally. And if that means just saying “agree to disagree” and ending the conversation, then that’s what it takes. We will not always agree on everything, but for me, being angry is not ever a good thing and I won’t go to bed angry (also, me being angry is my fault- never his).

Post # 14
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@CorgiTales: yousound just like me. Unfourtunately, Fiance is not the best”talker” so that often means I dont get any sleep (when we argue at night) sigh

but i try not to go to bed angry because when i wake up in the morning…im still angry….maybe even more angry grrrr

Post # 15
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@CorgiTales, @MrsWall2B: My Fiance and I are exactly like that! He always ends things mid-conversation and will go to bed fine. I, on the other hand, will lie there with my eyes open stewing and stewing til I’m exhausted. Then the next day, I’m still totally annoyed and he’s completely fine.

We tried to not go to bed angry, but then he just sits and doesn’t communicate except to tell me he’s tired. Ay…

Post # 16
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Like hotwings said, I also go to bed angry.  Half the time when I wake up whatever we were upset about doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things.   I rarely talk to anyone right away when I am angry.  I walk away, take a day or two to think about it, and if I am still angry a few days later then approach it. 

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