Post # 1
My friend was telling me about a horrible wedding she went to where she literally had to sit on a window sill to eat.
She said that the wedding was so bad, that she took money out of the envelope.
I have never done that before. Every wedding I’ve gone to I write a check, seal the envelope, and hand it in at the reception.
How common is it to base your gift on the wedding itself?
Post # 3
o wow! i always seal the envelope
Post # 4
I don’t – I seal it ahead of time. I gift based on my relationship with the couple, among other things. However, if I had to sit on a windowsill for dinner — ehh, I might reconsider that! (In all actuality, I’d never take money out of my gift because I’d be humiliated if someone saw me)
Post # 5
I ALWAYS steal the envelope!
Post # 6
Sit on a window seal? Wow!
I don’t leave the envelope unsealed. I figure out how much I want my gift to be in advance and leave it at that.
Post # 7
I’m not sure if it’s common…
But, I don’t ever base my gift on the quality of the wedding reception. A gift is a gift. Period.
Not everyone can afford a fancy reception or fancy ceremony so, imo it doesn’t make sense to base a gift on something like that.
Post # 8
I usually give a gift from the registry and send it to their home ahead of time.
On the rare occasion where I have given a cheque,( never cash,too easily stolen and used by someone else) I have sealed the envelope.
Post # 9
my gift is based on what I can afford at the time and my relationship with the couple (and how many parties etc I’ve already spent money on for the wedding).
Typically, when I’ve been to a shower and a bachelorette for a couple already my gift will be $100 (shower I usually spend $60 and bachelorette parties usually cost about $100).
Next month I’m going to a wedding where I have had none of those events and I will likely give them $150 to $175 even though I’m travelling much farther (it’s in my home city and I’m staying with relatives for free – the travel part in this case doesn’t matter to me).
Post # 10
I have taken an unsealed envelope to a wedding, but I was meeting with people to pitch in money together with the card, so I don’t think that counts…
Post # 11
But yeah, I definitely seal the envelope. I can imagine your friends frustration, but it’s almost like she was looking at the gift as a tip of sorts and gave based on performance :-/
Post # 12
@Rubbs: I heard about this on the radio. They were discussing going to weddings with 2 envelopes with 2 different amounts in each. If they are treated well, have a great time, and can see where the money went, then they will give the higher amount. If they don’t have a good time or things look like they were thrown together, then they give the lesser amount.
Interesting concept but I don’t agree with it. As a guest, you aren’t tipping or paying the couple. It’s a gift. The gift should have more to do with the character of the couple rather than how much the guest feels valued at the couple’s celebration.
Post # 13
I take the envelope unsealed, and while I do put my expected gift in before I get to the wedding, I have added to my planned gift while at the wedding. I haven’t reduced my gift but I can’t say that I wouldn’t, if it was a real train wreck of a wedding where the hosts gave me the impression they didn’t care two shits about their guests.
Post # 14
It’s never occured to me to not seal the envelope…but if I was that miffed I would just take my card home with me and mail it with a lesser amount.
Post # 15
I always buy a gift beforehand and have it sent to the couple before the wedding. I base the amount on the relationship I have with couple, it would never be based on the quality of the wedding.
Post # 16
How sad; I can’t believe people do this.