Do you habitually compare yourself to others?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Do you regularly/automatically compare yourself to other women?

    Yes, all the time

    No

    Sometimes, but it doesn't bother me

    Other

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1315 posts
    Bumble bee

    No, not habitually.  But I might have a similar thought dart through my mind from time to time.  Put it’s just a shooting star of a thought, it disappears as quickly as it appeared.  I don’t dwell on these types of thoughts.  They aren’t intrusive.  The older I get the less I experience them.  But it happens.  I wouldn’t worry about it unless these thoughts start taking up permanent residence in your head and affect how you think and feel.

    Post # 3
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I think I compare myself to people all of the time because I try to understand them. Some people do things that seem really random to me, or they make drastically different life choices, and I’m like “Why? Is it working for them? What made me do something different? Are they happy?” So it’s not like in an insecure way, it’s more of like in a curious way. It’s actually a problem because I’ve now become addicted to social media and reality TV hahaha. I’m just constantly trying to crack the code on “What is this person thinking and why do they do the things they do?”

    Post # 4
    Member
    7594 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Welcome to human nature! the best thing to do is acknowledge these feelings for what they are (i.e., beneath you) – as you’ve done – and move on. Don’t dwell in them too much cause that’s where you get into trouble.

    But anyone who comes on here and says they’ve never thought “I’m prettier/uglier than her” is full of it. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee

    I think it’s human nature to idealize someone until you’ve spent some time with them and realize they are just another person.

    I used to compare myself to others a lot more, especially with qualities like music ability or social skills, but I found that what helps is realizing that people tend to advertise and talk about their best qualities, and that it’s not fair to compare that against our own insecurities.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1307 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    actually i am oblivous almost to a fault TBH. i live on an island with very little media influence so that may be part of it but it really just doesnt occur to me that someone is “prettier” or “richer” or “happier” than me cuz I guess Iʻm extremely methodical about all of my life decisions so Iʻm okay with things. If the rare instance occurs where I find someone better, i really analyze why and work towards it as a goal. 

    I bet if you get the chance to get to know this girl, sheʻll have some insecurities too 😉

    Post # 7
    Member
    2663 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    No. Fuck that shit.

    I do understand what you’re saying though, and I don’t think you should get slaughtered for it by any means! We all have our inadequacies, but that means so does the pretty woman in the photo. The less we encourage comparison the less pressure people are under to fulfil that expectation and then we’ll ALL be better off.

    There have been plenty of times when I’ve been the pretty woman making other women/people feel inferior. They have an instant dislike to me and all I’ve ever done if try to be nice and helpful! I wrack my brain trying to pinpoint a faux pas and come up with nothing. I have confided in close friends/colleagues about it so they can please tell me what I’ve done wrong (do I come across like an insincere bitch?) and am told that it’s because I’m ‘intimidating’ thanks to my looks/capabilities/confidence. And you know what? I then feel like shite. The last thing that I’d ever want to do is hurt someone or make them think that I’m better than them, not only because it isn’t true. I did not grow up being told that I was attractive, so it was a huge shock to me to suddenly be judged on my looks. So what I’m trying to say is that the pretty woman is a person too (as I know you know), and perhaps she feels just as inferior up against you. You have an established relationship with your partner and his family, along with goodness knows what other great traits. So let’s just try to support one another, rather than see one another as competition, please? That’d be marvellous!

    Post # 9
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    View original reply
    howdoyoudo :  Actually I’ve been treated this way too. I think that’s why I started analyzing people because after a while I was like “Why? Why would she hate me when she has x, y, and z that I don’t have?” So I figured, I can’t control how people feel, but if I at least try to put myself in their shoes and understand where they are coming from, it makes it harder to hate them for it because I understand them. Because I don’t have time for grudges. That stuff just consumes you and makes you mentally ill. I do try my hardest to love people and give them all a backstory for their actions.

    Post # 11
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    apresallday :  Like PP said, everyone is at least a little insecure! #1 lesson of my adult life is that people are more similar than I thought and I’m not a unique snowflake, but on the other hand, my failings are also average and not as egregious as I thought. 🙂

    I hope you and the brother’s Girlfriend hit it off when you do meet; who knows, you could become great friends and she might admit later on that she was jealous of some aspect of you!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2663 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    View original reply
    cocoapuffs :  Thank you for that, is kind of nice to know that it’s not just me (not that I want it happening to anyone else!). I started giving them an ‘adjustment period’ if you will. If they still didn’t realise that I’m a genuine and caring person after several interactions with them then that’s their problem, not mine. I’m not going to change myself for approval, you can’t please everyone so you may as well be yourself. I just can’t stand being judged on things that are just me ‘she cooks/she dresses nicely/she bakes/she talks properly/she has a more expensive ring than I do, etc; therefore she’s a stuck up cow’. No. No I’m not, but they may not be very nice themselves! 

    I totally agree that it can be detrimental to one’s mental health if allowed attention. I can’t do grudges either!

    View original reply
    apresallday :  Hey, don’t beat yourself up about this. It really is a perfectly normal reaction for a lot of people. I read once that your initial thought is thanks to conditioning, but what you think afterwards is actually you. So all of this rationalizing, guilt, and worry you’re putting into this likely means that you’re a lovely and considerate person. I’d suggest meeting this woman ASAP and getting the guesses and assumptions nipped in the bud! Hopefully the two of you can be friends and then you can have some wonderful family gatherings – that would be my dream!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    10362 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I try not to compare myself to others because generally I don’t think anything positive comes out of it. But, I’m human so of course I compare myself to others sometimes. Usually it doesn’t bother me. I can recognize that someone is prettier than me without it impacting my self-esteem. Like a friend being prettier than me doesn’t mean I’m not pretty or attractive or that she’s somehow better whatever. We are all just people. Everyone has their own insecurities and problems to deal with.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7892 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Even if someone appears to be “perfect,” no one is truly perfect. We are all different. That is why it’s not worth it to me to compare myself to others. 

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