(Closed) Do you have a BM from hell?

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Do you regret asking one of your BMs to stand up with you?

    No, my choices were perfect!

    Yes, but I know I'll remain friends with the BM in question post-wedding.

    Yes, and I doubt our friendship will last to my first anniversary!

  • Post # 3
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Oh man, I hastily made a Bridesmaid or Best Man choice!  I shouldn’t have, it was sort of nostalgia -we were close in high school- but what ended up happening is she (an already pretty volitile person, so I should have known) BLEW up at me over something completely ridiculous – the MN senate recount.  It was incredibly odd bc I voted third party, so I didnt particularly care about the results at that point.  But she freaked out at me for disagreeing with her and told me to never ever contact her again.  I mostly just felt stuipd, like I should have known we’d have difficulties being close anymore. 

    Otherwise the Bridesmaid or Best Man situation has been perfectly smooth sailing!

    Post # 4
    2680 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think its really nice of you to not be threatening to throw her out of the bridal party and to keep her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  If it really meant alot to her then she will hopefully remember that.  I wish I wouldve asked someone else to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, not because my Maid/Matron of Honor was bad but because I had become closer friends with someone else.  I hope something happens where you dont regret your decision anymore!  Good luck!

    Post # 5
    2342 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Great question!  I only have 4 bridesmaids, I figured it would be less drama.  But my BFF is also getting married 3 months before me and I think she regrets one of our friends being in her wedding…she’s one of those types to think the day is about her!

    Post # 6
    32 posts
    • Wedding: October 2009

    minneapolitan: What!? Really?! C’mon, who does that!? I live in St.Paul and while the senate drama was…annoying it’s nothing to get THAT heated over. Wow.

    Post # 7
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    Fiance and I just had this discussion lat night (me through tears). If I had to do it all over again I’d just have my sister stand up as Maid/Matron of Honor and not have asked the other 4 girls. Well, one I still would have had to ask bc she would have been really hurt, but I’d jsut have those 2 and that is IT!

    Post # 8
    69 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I actually started off with 4 BMs (including my MOH) and now I’m down to 3. Reason being, I asked a girl I wasn’t too close with. She startd seriously flaking out on a lot of Bridesmaid or Best Man activities, like picking out her dress. I simply talked to her, and asked if she still wanted to be in the wedding, and I understood that being in the wedding (b/c we’re getting married in Jamaica) was a big responsibility, and if she still wanted to be in it. She was honest and said she wasn’t sure if she would be able to make it (!). So we agreed that she would still get an invite, but she wouldn’t have the pressure of being in the wedding. I feel so much better now! 🙂

    Post # 9
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    So far, so good.  I am EXTREMELY happy with all my choices.  Each girl standing up for me is a very important part of my life BUT  (and I know this is TOTALLY shallow and I feel like an A-hole saying it) one of my BM’s (she’s almost like a sister to me) is obese and it’s making the choice for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses difficult.  I’d like everyone to wear the same type of dress but we’re getting married outside in June and I’d really like to have my girls wear spaghetti strap or strapless dresses.  It’s hard finding something that would look good on her as well as everyone else. 


    I SWEAR I’m really NOT a mean person or anything. In fact, I’m overweight myself but have been working my butt off to get in shape. I love her with all my heart and soul and absolutely want her standing by my side on my wedding day, it’s just hard finding dresses.  That’s all. I feel bad even typing about this but I haven’t been able to tell anyone else how hard it is.  Peace & Love!!


    P.S. I hope everyone else’s BM’s work out!!

    Post # 10
    3979 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I keep going back & forth on my Maid/Matron of Honor. She is excited to help w/ DIY projects, throw & arrange killer showers and parties… but on the day I know she’s going to be zero help.

    She is very consumed with herself and her looks! If there is a camera involved: she MUST be infront of it. She takes self portrait of herself everywhere… in the car, on the phone, watching tv…. *sigh*

    I made mention to something about making a flickr page for our guests to upload some of their photos & while explaining it she said: “I won’t take a single photo of what’s going on because I’m going to be in every one of them.”

    Uh.. okay?

    Post # 11
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    The only BMs I regret picking are the ones that dropped out, and I guess that’s mostly due to the fact they dropped out. I’ll still remain friends with one of them — my future sister and law — but I’m not so sure about the other.

    Not only did the second girl drop out, she did it four months before the wedding after ordering her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. She didn’t have a good reason, and just seemed to be trying to weasle her way out of it since about a month after she excitedly accepted.  Well guess who got stuck paying the balance for the dress she’ll never wear? She knows it too, and doesn’t care one bit.

    I’m trying very hard to forgive that Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I just don’t think our friendship will make it past this.

    Post # 12
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I have 8 BM’s including one that I am including for the sake of amicable girl’s weekends for the years to come. I wasn’t going to leave one girl in our small friend group out…

    However, she has been horrible at 2 of the other girls’ weddings, as a bm. She has tried to make the Bachlorette party all about her, caused problems rather than help on the wedding day, etc.

    She is a good friend and her antics have almost become funny. It’s entertainment and I am not asking for my BM’s to help out in any way, other than the Bachlorette party and just standing with me in their matching dresses on the big day. Other than that, they have the Bridesmaid or Best Man title because they are my best friends.

    Post # 13
    188 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    OH BOY DID I EVER!  I chose 2 girls that JI’m so close with and a girl that I went to HS with.  I was still close to her but not that close.  Well about 2 months prioir to the wedding (right after I sent her her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that I paid for) she stopped talking to me, answering emails, phone calls, texts, EVERYTHING!  To this day I have no idea what happened… she just stopped… no explaination, no responses… nada.  OH well, my day was still perfect with my girls!

    Post # 14
    202 posts
    Helper bee

    I have four fantastic BM’s but I’ve been a bad one myself.  Well, I’m not sure if you can call me bad because I backed out of the wedding before I was bad. 

    The problem was that the bride and I were great friends through college and I ended up learning too much about their relationship.  When they got engaged I was happy for them but I also felt the guilt that I would be supporting a wedding where the bride had lied (a lot). 

    As my emotions took over, I started shying away from the wedding things (still a year out from their wedding).  When I tried to talk about my wedding day (we were not engaged at the time, but I saw the ring coming), she would always throw up the fact that I was not engaged yet and it was all about her.  Finally, after she spent a weekend in town (she now lives 15 hours away) and didn’t call me until late on Sunday afternoon, I realized our friendship had reached its end.  I quickly wrote her a polite and heartfelt email explaining my reasoning for not participating and regrettfully stepping down from my position. She had almost 11 months to go and 6 other brides maids so I do not feel bad about it one bit.

    I think sometimes BMs should actually think about what they’re getting into and let the bride know if they feel like its too much or they’re reaching the end.

    Post # 15
    6571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    i chose my sister and my sister in law. my sister lives far away and has been on vacation on the other side of the world for two months… but as long as she comes to my shower and my wedding we will all be happy! i’m not going to stop her life for my wedding. besides, my sil’s motto is that she will do whatever i want for the wedding! she’s awesome!

    Post # 16
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    There is NO way this can happen b/c my ‘maids will be my very closest friends in the world.  All 3 of them!  I love all of them dearly and we’d all go to the ends of the earth for each other.  Just like Mrs. Pengy did with her friends and them with her!   

    The topic ‘Do you have a BM from hell?’ is closed to new replies.

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