- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I don’t. All the guys I dated and didn’t end up with are out of my life for a reason.
I was dumped twice in my 20s by men with whom I at the time wanted things to work out. I was lonely, anxious, a little depressed, and just wanted to settle down. These men had some great qualities, but in hindsight were very, very wrong for me.
I mourned both of these breakups for a year or two each. They were rough, as many breakups are, even when you know it’s for the best. But then I had a turning point about 5 years ago when I realized that if any of the guy I ever dated showed up at my doorstep and promised me their hearts forever, I would reject them. I loved them at one time and wouldn’t want to hurt them, but I just had had enough time to realize they were never right for me and I’d rather be alone than be with someone who’s not right for me.
A few months later, I met my now-husband. It was great timing because I was in a really strong, happy place and knew I was with him because I wanted to be with HIM, not because I wanted to be with SOMEONE.
Fast forward to last week. I found out that facebook changed its settings to allow you to search for anyone, even if they’ve blocked you. So I did what any mature, happy, professional woman would do: I facebook stalked everyone I could think of who may have blocked me in the past, and I found exes.
And what I found was this: I am SO GLAD I didn’t end up with any of my exes. I knew that 5 years ago, but I’m even more sure of it now that I see where they are 7-9 years after we broke up.
One guy in particular is, well, kind of a loser. I remember being quite enamored with him when I was 24 and he was 32. He was a PhD student, kind of a depressed dark soul but super smart and decent values. It was kind of a summer fling so we took fun weekend trips and he helped me nurse my wounds from a painful breakup the year before. My judgment of him was clouded by lust and wanting someone to escape my life with. I remember him telling me one of the reasons we shouldn’t be together was because he’d hold me back. Oh man, was he right.
I found out he dropped out (or failed out?) of his PhD program and started another. He’s whip-smart and they are both top schools, but still dude, you’re 39 and need to start your life. He’s also overweight and balding and just doesn’t look healthy or happy. He seems stuck.
Yep, he would have totally held me back. I’m so, so glad he broke my heart.
So all the men who’ve come and go in my life are out for good reason. I don’t have any that “got away,” any who I feel like I could have ended up with if things had turned out different. Do you?