Post # 1
I was away for work last week and just returned last night. While I was away with my team, I realized I have a work husband. He’s the person I turn to for a laugh, support when my supervisor is being challenging, and knows how I react to certain situations and backs me up or helps me out always. I have lots of friends at work, but he is the go to guy and I am his go to girl. This week was very challenging, and the support we gave each other helped us cope and feel less stressed.
We are both in relationships (I am getting married and he has a live in girlfriend). We have both met said partners multiple times and get along great all 4 of us, but we aren’t “couple friends”. So this got me thinking, how many people have Work Spouses and what do you think of this type of friendship?
I don’t see a problem as long as the friendship isn’t secret, and your real spouse knows about how close you are. What about you?
What if someone misunderstood your friendship? Would you be concerned about what other co-workers think?
Post # 3
At my last job I had two – haha.
Luckily, we were part of an 8-person close work friendship and my husband knew and was friends with both of them, and it was a non-issue to my relationship.
Now I’m in grad school and I’m not sure if I’ll develop work spouses in my current job – sure hope so though, cause it was great to have someone who empathized with the bad days, laughed with me on the good, and was generally on my team. My husband is also a huge support but he’s in a totally different field so I like having someone who knows what’s up in my particular line of work.
Post # 4
I have a work husband. We do the same thing so we mostly just complain about work and grab lunch together. We’ve also been house hunting at the same time so its nice to have someone to bounce things off of. We’re both married, Darling Husband knows about him. Darling Husband actually makes his own beef jerky once in awhile and my work husband always gets a batch.
My previous work husband came to our wedding (we don’t work together as much anymore hence ‘previous’)
ETA: Oddly, I used to work with Darling Husband and he was never my work husband.
Post # 5
i work with almost all women and dislike most of them, so my real spouse (to be) gets to be my stand-in work husband and hear all my vents throughout the day via text. i am not sure how he feels about it, but it works great for me!
i dont see anything wrong with being close with coworkers of the opposite sex at all and if that friendship is what keeps you from storming out the door some nights then more power to you!
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
He’s not really a “work spouse” because we don’t actually work together, but I have 1 very best friend who is my “back-up husband”. We have been friends for a very long time, and my husband knows him as well, we hang out as a group occasionally, but not all that often. My husband knows how close we are, and we’ve had a few bumps in the road over it, but nothing major and he now understands the level of friendship that we have and is comfortable with it.
He also has a steady girlfriend, but even during the times when he didn’t, our friendship has been solid. He’s actually the first person I talked to when I thought Darling Husband might be the real-deal.
Post # 7
No, I’ve always found the concept odd. I am not the type to reach out to others for support though. I gravitate towards females, I am just not a big fan of aquiring new male friends. Just would feel weird and wrong to be getting emotional support and or attention from a man other than my Fiance for me.
Post # 8
I have a “work husband” – his wife actually addressed the thank you note to me after their wedding to “My New Husband’s Office Wife.” Neither she nor my fiance are threatened by our relationship – our partners obviously come first, and there’s never been any romantic feelings between us. But we all spend so much time at work, it’s nice to have a really close friend to hang out, have lunch with and vent about work. And we’re all definitely “couple friends” – we have dinner together a lot and my Fiance and I babysit their kids too. 🙂
Post # 9
I have a work spouse, and I have been sleeping with him for about 4 years.
But in fairness, he’s the same spouse as I have at home – I work with Darling Husband and it is great having someone who knows the downside of my job. We can support each other and be able to give each other advice.
Post # 10
I don’t like the term, “work spouse”–I think it’s more just coworkers who work well but when I worked in a more office-based, collaborative job (I’m a grad student now and on my own), I had colleagues, both male and female, who I leaned on in ways like you are described. For example, my moh was a friend from my office, and I also had a close male coworker who is a very good friend. I leaned on him a lot for both work and non-work things–for example, he’s married and was an awesome support when I was waiting for dh to propose!
Post # 11
I have a work spouse too. I am making him my real spouse in 24 days.
Post # 12
@Cariad: Hahah you got me for a sec. I am glad you can work together and support each other. That sounds great.
@mixtapehearts: This makes sense. I am interested in knowing more from those that think this is odd. I have always gravitated towards male friends, but conditioning in school taught me to be friends with women. As an adult I have tended to move back towards men, but still have some solid female friends.
@KatieBklyn: Wow, that sounds awesome! She wounds like a very understanding wife. I love it.
In general, Fiance and I never really thought anything weird of this friendship, because for most of the time he was single asking relationship advice when we were not talking about work. Then when my advice ended up landing him his girlfriend, I felt good knowing I was able to help him. Now that they live together, he turns to me when he is confused or needs advice since I have been living with Fiance for 5 years and know about all the challenges and troubles of living together. It has been nice to help him navigate this time so their relationship blossoms.
Post # 13
@cariad you got me good! For a second I thought this thread was going to take a very different turn.
I used to have an office spouse but he got fired. Now he’s just my friend.
Post # 14
I think they’re inappropriate, but maybe that’s just because of the only experience I’ve had with “work spouses.” I work with two people who call each other their work spouse, but they have a very flirty, very touchy-feely relationship that frankly makes me uncomfortable. I would NOT be happy if I found out another woman was giving my Fiance backrubs at work.
Post # 15
Both my SO and I have work spouses – but I have a work wife and he has a work husband (and, I like to joke, a work mistress who is also a guy). Both of us are in academia but at different schools – we can definitely understand each other on the work issues and stresses, but we each have someone in our own department who we talk shop with, complain to, freak out with with, etc. It wouldn’t bother either of us if our ‘work spouses’ were opposite sex friends, but they just happen to be the same gender as we are. Incidentally, some people in our department think me and my work wife are romantic ladyfriends… I think it’s really healthy to have someone who can really understand your work dynamics to talk and vent to, rather than always bringing it home where it can cause additional stress.
Post # 16
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
My husband totally has one. I never knew there was a term, but it kinda annoys the hell outta me! So often he tells, “Well Beth said this…” or “Beth thinks that…” or “Beth and I are going to get ice cream.” (There are two ice cream places near their office.) I’m like, “Really, dear?”
But, I’ve met her. It’s fine, but I really wish he worked with more men. His offices always make me doubt that gender gap in the sciences I always hear about.