Post # 1
Break ups are rough…but I never have had such a devestating relationship fail like the one from my best friend in high school.
I’m seriously introverted and we shared such a bond! It’s been 5 years, but an obscure song came on that instantly transported me back there.
I’ve obviously have lived a thousand lives since then but I have realized I have not made any serious friendships (aside from DH) since her.
Has anyone experienced anything similar and if so, how have you recovered? Have you been able to have a deep and loving friendship with another person(s) later on in life?
Post # 2
sure. We grew apart. It wasn’t traumatic and I had no issues making new friends. I realized we grew apart when I got demoted from her wedding party without any communication. She then wasn’t even invited to my wedding, because clearly we weren’t close.
You get out of relationships (platonic and romantic) what you put into them.
Post # 3
Yes. We were the best of friends. Like ridiculously close. We had a huge explosion of a break up. It’s been 3 years now. I still don’t think I’ll find someone who got me the way she did or someone as close as her. But it is what it is. I c ant change it so I try not to mourn it too much. It’s hard though. She was supposed to be my maid of honour and help plan my wedding (well, whenever it happened) so now that I am getting married, it sucks.
Post # 4
First one. She just changed. She got a job in local radio and acted like that made her better then others. She even used the phrase “do you know who I am?” when she didn’t get something she wanted. (it was only to me in the car about the situation, but she wasn’t joking) She’d never really dated anyone. So when I started getting serious with men, she just started acting bitter.
Then there was my old roommate. We knew were only going to live together for a year. She had always been selfish, but I didn’t see all of it till I lived with her. She charged a bedroom set on the card I opened for us to buy a couch and loveseat without my consent. She never cleaned, her dogs peed and pooped in my room. Then when my SO got a job in out hometown, I made arrangements with my job to transfer. I made a deal with her that I would payout the rest of my half the the rent, and the bills, but the day I left would be the last day I came back. I cleaned everything and that was that. She bitched me out for leaving her a few months later. Also, she’s stuck me with the bill her for bedroom set a few times. ugh.
Post # 5
Yep. We were best friends for 15 years.
4 years ago we suffered a massive fallout.
Of course I’ve been able to form new friendships and loves. After all, the degree to which I loved her is a reflection of me and MY capacity to give love and receive love (that’s what you have to remind yourself).bthe degree to which I confided and trusted her is a reaction of me and MY capacity to be honest about myself and open up. The degree to which I shared my life with her and was there for me….you get the point.
Post # 6
I really wish things would have panned out differently for my HS best friend and I and I miss her all the time. Right around the beginning of senior year she made friends with another one of our classmates and by the end of the year she was doing drugs with her new friends and skipping school and making bad choices. My other best friend (we were basically an inseparable trio) and I had to make the decision to cut her off completely after graduation. We all went to the same college and people were beginning to associate us with her and her new group’s bad habits (someone literally came up to us while waiting for a class asking to meet up to exchange crystal). I seen her about a year ago and she is skin and bones and doesn’t speak to her family anymore. The last I heard she had quit school and is working as a housekeeper at a hotel the next town over from ours.
My best friend and I miss her all the time but she won’t let us help her and we cannot associate ourselves with that behavior.
Post # 7
Yes, recently. It was a shitty situation because she was the ‘caregiver’ type and could be really amazing and supportive but at the drop of a hat would use everything I had told her in confidence against me and get really hateful and mean. I eventually got fed up and had to cut her off, but I kept letting her back because I’m entirely too trusting but the cycle just kept on.
I get sad sometimes, even miss her and I haven’t made any friends that are as close as we were. It sucks but I just kind of keep reminding myself it’s for the best. I understand the relationship comparison..this has been harder than any break up.
Post # 8
Yes, glad she is gone. I never realized how nuts she was till after we ended our friendship. After 9 years of crappy treatment she finally pushed me too far. The last straw was her getting engaged and asking me to be her MOH; a month later she tells me she’s moving up her wedding to be in two months up north where none of her or his family lived, but where she was at for college. This was the girl who had told me she was waiting to finish college and had almost cheated on him the previous summer. So of course I asked if everything was okay and told her I would try to get the time off. She got super offended and a week later she calls and tells me I’m no longer the Maid/Matron of Honor because I can’t throw her a bridal shower and she needs gifts. She made two girls she knew 9 months her MOH; but told me don’t worry you can still bake me my cake and do my flowers, I was like ?!wtf?! Other things were said and she made a comment about my father who had died when we were seniors. And that was it. We were 23 and he was 21, we are both now 28 and she just moved outta state and had a baby to try to save their marriage. From what I know she’s psycho and actually stalked a mutual friend I’m still friends with.
Post # 9
I feel like I have the same story as you! My ex best friend and I had been friends for 17 years (since we were 3 years old). When we grew up, around our early 20s we just grew apart. We hadn’t spoken for 5 years and life kind of went on. I met some amazing people and love the friends I have in my life, but those friendships definitely aren’t the same as the one I once had with her. Every now and then I would find myself thinking about it.
About 2 weeks ago I saw (from instagram) that she got engaged about 3 weeks after I did. It was the first time I felt any real sadness about it. I decided to reach out to her and say congratulations, turned out she had been thinking about me as well. Our friendship will likely never be what it was but it does feel a little better knowing that we can at least have a conversation now and then.
Post # 10
I met my ex best friend in college. We were inseparable and she was the closest person to me. We travelled together, told each other everything and I was her maid of honor. She was very religious and I’m not as over the top as she is so when I started dating a Jewish guy (my now fiancé) I didn’t think it was a big deal. Long story short. She came to visit me and basically told me I was going to hell if I converted to Judaism and married him. I was shocked and hurt- we had been dating 2 months and hadn’t thought of marriage. I also found it ironic that she told me not to “rush in” when she met, got engaged and married her husband in about a year to a year and a half. I distanced myself for a year and when I saw her again (we lived states apart) she completely ignored my boyfriend, didn’t have the decency to say hello to him at dinner. After that I cut her off. Even if my boyfriend and I had broken up I would not put up with that behavior. I sometimes miss her but not the attitude I saw.
Post # 11
Yup, my best girlfriend for ten years became super religious and cut me out of her life because I’m a godless heathen.
After her husband told me I was going to hell where I would burn for all of eternity even though I’m a “good person”. Don’t worry, he said the Dali Lama will be there to keep me company.
Post # 12
Yep. She quit talking to me abruptly when my wedding got closer… jealously because she always complained about being single
Post # 13
I used to think I had the best friend ever but after eight years of friedship he ignored me when I needed him the most and no answered my calls. I haven’t speak To him in seven months and still hurts.
Post # 14
did you ever hear from her again and did she attend your wedding? I think the same thing is happening right now with one of my best friends (I’m getting married in 60 days; she’s very single and causing unnecessary drama around my wedding planning).
Post # 15
Yup. Me. Had a bff for almost 17 years. We met at work, she was my Maid/Matron of Honor at my wedding and if i told you how much money we both spent on long distance phone bills callng one another- your head would spin around.
Ultimately…. my life really changed (career, husband, kids, moving), and hers really didn’t. She was still the single girl and we didn’t have that much to talk about any more. I think she probably felt distant from me for a long time and I probably didn’t get that because I was juggling the hubs, kids, career, etc. it wasn’t that she wasn’t important to me… but life got in the way. We have always been long distrance (expect for 1 year) so it just wasn’t as easy to connect as it used to be. I’m sure I probably did things such as not calling her back when she really really needed to talk, and I bet I wasn’t even aware.
We did have an ‘incident’ (for lack of a better word) that made me realize that her feelings must have really changed and it made me REALLY sad. There wasn’t really any going back, so I just stopped contact. To me, I likened the change in our relationship to one that is like having a wonderful Boyfriend or Best Friend or Fiance and then having him say, ‘oh, well, I think we woudl be better off as friends.” (WTF?) – i just couldn’t do a ‘casual’ relationship given our history, so I just let it slide. I don’t wish her any ill will…. but I don’t think we could ever go back to the way it was .