(Closed) Do you have an Ex Best Friend

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I guess I was the problem friend because I do have an ex-BFF and anytime I think of her I thank to lord we don’t speak anymore. She was so shy and introverted and had the audacity to get mad at me for making friends in college. I invited her to come to parties and whatnot the first few times but she was always too afraid to come so of course the invites stopped. Suddenly I was a bad friend because I was ignoring her.

Its been 8 years and I seriously never think of her unless someone mentions and ex-BFF and then I just cringe.

Post # 32
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I do. We started drifting apart senior year of high school. Then she moved out of state for college and between my stress with school, different time zones and schedules, and her new social life that didnt line up with mine, we just stopped talking. I was also serious with Fiance (then boyfriend) and I’m not sure she ever “approved” of me having a serious boyfriend that young (she didnt date anyone seriously until later in college). So from all of those things, and the fact that she had a tendency to be judgmental and talk behind peoples backs, i decided it wasn’t a friendship I wanted to invest my energy in. I haven’t made any new friends since and am very introverted so struggle to meet new people and make friends.

Post # 33
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

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labellamerci :  I think everybody has had a failed relationship (friendship) especially best-friends. Those tend to be the easiest relationships to fail. The person knows you inside and out but still choose to do something that grinds your gears.

I had two failed relationships best-friend wise. One I was friends with since grade nine and we were friends almost till grade 11. I had a boyfriend at the time and confided in her for advice and when we were fighting, I also stupidly told her I was a virgin and refused to sleep with him. Needless to say she slept with him and he broke up with me for her; they have a now 5 year old daughter (who was concieved when we were together).

The other relationship was a girl who was dating my husband’s room mate when we got back from a trip we booked he introduced her to us and I thought she was the cutest thing ever. Well, shortly after that the relationship wasn’t going how she wanted it too and she started trying to feel up my husband (at the time boyfriend) and I was blessed my husband has always been the type of man he is. He started asking to stay at my parents whenever she stayed over; or he’d ask me to stay over because he felt like she was going to crawl into bed with him while he was asleep and take pictures and try to pretend like something happened between the two. Everything fell apart about a year later when we moved out and she realized she wasn’t able to break us up, her relationship fell apart and she went around telling everyone my husband slept with hookers. Needless to say we aren’t friends and if I ever catch her in person she’s got some explaining to do.

Post # 34
Member
5085 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’ve only ever had one person who considered us to be “best friends” and she was my best friend in elementary and middle school. I went to a different high school and we grew apart. Even before that though, she was changing into a person that I didn’t really like. She started hanging out with older guys (along with one other girl in our friend group, who is still her best friend now) and smoking and drinking in 8th grade and I wasn’t into that. She eventually just became a trashy townie, for lack of a better term. 

In high school, I had some good friends, there was a girl who I considered to be my best friend, though I don’t think I was hers (she had a childhood friend who she always considered her best friend). We actually ended up going to the same college, I introduced her to the guy she would marry freshman year. We drifted apart in the second/third years of college and now only occasionally talk on facebook. She didn’t invite me to her wedding. 

My best friend in grad school was great, and we’re still friends, but she moved away after we graduated and it seems the drift is happening again. We do still keep in contact, but it’s difficult when you’re states away. 

Post # 35
Member
6910 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think friend breakups are the hardest sometimes.

My best friend is a guy (Man of Honor in my wedding last spring) and we have been friends for 21 years now. Crazy! But there were about 2 years a little while ago where we did not speak at all. I don’t want to get into the whole story (it’s LONG), but basically about 8 years ago we had a falling out. I told him I couldn’t be friends with him at the moment and when he got his shit together, he can contact me again. I’m not saying it was all his fault, but at the time I felt like he was a toxic person to be around and I couldn’t take it anymore. Anyway, we stopped talking for around 2 years. I’ll admit I thought of him often. It was super weird to not have him to talk to all the time and confide in. Around the 2-year mark he sent me an email apologizing for a bunch of things and said he was ready to talk whenever I was. I had just started dating my now husband and I had actually thought about contacting him as well. It felt weird to be in such an important relationship and have my friend not even know/be involved in this aspect of my life. A month after he sent the email, I called him. We talked and both apologized and realized how much we missed each other. I think that phone call lasted like 3 hours. After that we agreed to meet up and then it was just like old times. It’s been great ever since. Part of me is sad that we lost those 2 years, but the other thinks it was really necessary for our friendship to survive and even grow. We both matured a lot and had time to reflect on our actions during that time and I think our friendship grew out of it even stronger. As I said, he was just the Man on Honor in my wedding so…obviously we’re still super close.

Post # 36
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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labellamerci :  I had a best friend for 22 years (since birth). She ghosted me and I have no idea what happened to our friendship. The last time I saw her was on my 22nd birthday, when she gave me a card saying how much she cherished our friendship and that she couldn’t have made it through the last few years without my support. I talked to her a few times after that, then she went silent and moved away.

Didn’t hear from her for 3 years, then she randomly answered a message I’d sent her on pinterest months before. She said she wanted me back in her life and that she loved and missed me so much. We chatted some, caught up, and I asked her what had happened. She said she’d explain, but then never did, and ghosted me again. That was over a year ago. 

It’s hard to get over. I don’t think I’ll truly ever be over it, but I also know that even if she told me what happened and apologized, our friendship would never be the same. She’s hurt me too much. It hurts the most knowing that she won’t be at my wedding, and that I didn’t even get an invite to either of hers (she married, divorced, and remarried within the 3 years she gosted me the first time)

Post # 37
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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ethereal594 :  But what happened to the cats?!

Best friend breakups really suck. I had two best friends in high school, S & A. I was closer to S, we told each other absolutely everything. I knew she always had a gossiping problem, and it was the main thing that got on my nerves about her. I mainly just thought she talked about people she didn’t like (dumb), but it turns out she went & told other friends about extremely private, secret things I told her. Like I had to borrow her phone one day in class, saw a text from another friend of hers talking about ME, where S had just told her something I had told her in confidence literally FIVE MINUTES prior. I hardly knew this other friend and S thought she could just tell her private things about my life. That didn’t end the friendship necessarily, but after a very rough patch with my bf (now fiance), I became kind of depressed and didn’t want to go off and hang out as much anymore. S & A got pretty frustrated with how I was acting, (though I had been there for S for months after a breakup with her long term boyfriend), we had a blow out and that basically ended the friendship. A was always much nicer, but S had lied and told her I talked about her and said things that S actually said! So yeah, good riddance I guess. Things that S told other people got all the way around to my family members who also ended up telling my mother. My 2nd semester of senior year was absolutely horrible, because I had lost my circle of friends and I just kind of hung out with a bunch of random people I kind of was friends with. We had all these mandatory senior activities, and I remember driving with one girl I kind of knew and she told me she talked to ghosts. Needless to say I was super happy to graduate! I miss A sometimes, she was really nice & fun to be around, I’ve seen her multiple times after and we even hung out a little bit my freshman year of college, so there’s no hard feelings. We’re friends on fb and she is married with baby now and I’m happy for her. S I have not talked to, not friends with on facebook either. The weird things is, she met my now best friend through church and now THEY are friends! It was pretty bizarre to see them in pictures together, probably will run into S at some point but I’ll be nice.

For years, it kind of made it hard to be really close to a girl again because I was just *sure* I would be gossiped about again. It’s better now, but I still can’t tell my friends very private stuff.

Post # 38
Member
936 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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labellamerci :  Yes i do and i wish we could talk things over and start over 🙁 we were arguing a lot more then usual and called it quits and sometimes i feel like i shouldn’t have been so hard on her… i live with regret now how the way things turned out… There isn’t a lot of good people out there anymore and she was one of the most wonderful souls ive ever known… I always hope she would surprise me and send me a message or call… I have attempted and been ignored… kind of heart breaking 

Post # 39
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

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brunette7285 :  one was found dead and the other one ran off and came home a week later 😕

Post # 40
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Yes. My two best friends growing up were twins. They honestly started making some atrocious and shameful decisions in their early twenties that I just could not support, on top of only caring about working out and going to the gym and literally nothing else. I cut them off randomly one day when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I did not respect their life choices and realized I couldn’t respect them as people.

It was hard and I was sad for a while, but I’m a lot better for it now. I hang out with people who have similar values and mindsets as me.

Post # 41
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Yes, I do have an ex-best friend. We were best friends for about 10 years before I took charge and cut ties after a terrible falling out.

In the end, I realized she never really treated me well. I always played second fiddle to her.

I honestly don’t think I’d ever want her back as a friend. No other person in my life made me feel as low as she did when it ended. Do I think about her? Sometimes. But mostly just hoping she’s doing well and has found peace. We ended our relationship at a very rocky time in her life. I’m sure at the time she was just taking out her frustrations on me, but that’s not fair.

Post # 42
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

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labellamerci : Oh yes. I feel you. I am seriously intoverted as well. I only really need (and can handle) one great friend. If i have family, a SO and her, I’m golden. I have had great friendships break up and, yes I  have found new deep friendships. I’ve been lucky in that aspect. In other ways, though its a nightmare…. S had an unplanned pregnancy tight before college (friends since about 10 y/o) made me her daughter’s god mother, then slowly started ignoring me, not because motherhood made her busy but because she claimed we were just on 2 different paths now and had nothing in common…..J and I were inseparable from college freshman for about 6 years, until she met and cheated with my sister’s husband. That one is still hard to talk about as close as we were and how much it imploded.. …T and I met after I got married. We were more bonded than any friend I have had. 6 years in, she slept with my then husband. He became my ex and I was willing to forgive them both. We tried, but she always said she didn’t deserve my friendship and it was awkward. Before we could ever get back, she died of leukemia. It makes me furious and sad. I haven’t recovered either and keep telling my bf that I need a friend. He is my only close one. It’s too hard for me to make friends to have them keep cheating and leaving or dying. And the scars don’t heal. 

Post # 43
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I do… my best friend from 10th grade… we’re in our 40s now and she abruptly stopped speaking to me after I told her I was engaged to be married.  Sad — but, it’s safe to say that our friendship lasted for a few seasons — and then it was over.  I reached out a few times — to make sure she was ok… but no response.  So – I let it go. I wish her the best. 

Post # 44
Member
3874 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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labellamerci :  Yes. I have two women who I consider “ex-best friends” and not someone I mutually grew apart from, but harbor no ill feelings towards.

The first was a friend I cut out of my life almost seven years ago. She was majorly toxic, talked about me behind my back, tried to pit me and my other friend against each other, and purposefuly excluded me from stuff, but then would post it all over social media so I would see it. One day, I decided I had had enough of this. I called her out on all of her terrible treatment of me. She got defensive, but I stood my ground and spoke what I felt. We ended our friendship. We shared a mutual friend, but, soon after, this friend deleted all of her social media and I didn’t really ever see her or hear about her (I asked said mutual friend not to talk about me to her or about her to me). Now, almost seven years later, we have gotten to a point where I can have a pleasent conversation with her. She has definitely grown, but so have I. While I like her as a person, I realize we can never be friends again because I can’t trust her. But, I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t fun to bump into from time to time. Do I miss our friendship? Absolutely, but I have realized that it wasn’t the friendship I thought it was. 

As for the other friend, ughhhhh. That is literally all I have to say about it. This one is far messier because it is BIL’s (DH’s brother) wife that I used to be best friends with. Our friendship ended over something silly, she blasted me on social media (even though she was in her thirties), and has basically refused to speak to me or act like a grownup whenever I’m around. She has caused so much trouble within the family by refusing to attend family dinners or holidays if I am going to be there, making trouble for Darling Husband and I to see our niece, spreading lies about me to other family members. I have opted to take the high road in all of this, because eventually people have seen her for what she is. However, this has been a harder “break-up” simply because she is technically family, so she is always going to be around (within reason) and it’s hard to avoid at least the mention of her. I do not miss the friendship at all, as, with all things, hindsight has told me she was a truly terrible friend who used me for her own needs. It would be too long to get into here, but she basically opened a credit card in my name without telling me, used me for money and free rides to work (she and Brother-In-Law could not afford to pay for their wedding or any of their car troubles). All in all, I wish I could wash my hands of her completely, but seeing as I can’t, I literally just allow her to act and look like an immature child while I remain cool, calm, and collected.

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