Post # 1
Just wondered if my fellow waiting/engaged bees have had any input into the ring they are getting or have already received?
A few weeks back my boyfriend mentioned that he wasnt sure what type of ring I would like, and being quite shocked by that comment (as ive showed him on many occassions) we argued about it, rather than me telling him yet again the style I like. But since then we have had quite a few arguements/heated discussions about the topic of engagement. We last left the discussion of engagement with him saying to “stop pushing him as he does want to marry me, but it will happen when it happens, and hes not quite sure when that will be”. No timeline given 🙁
So I was thinking about sending him an email with all the rings I like, and mentioning in the email im not trying to push him, but I was concerned when he said he didnt know what I like. I was going to finish the email with the fact I’m going to try and not bring up engagement again and to let it happen naturally.
Do you think that an email would be a good idea? And how much input do you or did you have on the ring? 🙂
Post # 3
Yes, we went ring shopping beforehand so that Fiance had a good idea as to what I wanted, and what was out there.
It was a huge help to go to a place that let us freely walk around trying stuff on – it was a very relaxing atmosphere, and we didn’t feel pressure to buy. My Fiance took some pics of rings on my hands that i liked, and took that info to a jeweller to make my ring. I think going in person rather then sending an email might help.
Post # 4
I would think if you don’t have a timeline, you probably shouldn’t bring it up. I am in a similar situation myself in that I want to bring up to my FH the style and stone I want for a ring, but want to do it without bring up marriage again! lol SUCH an impossible task! But I have a timeline of June or so.. So I just don’t want him worrying about money up to then as I am not looking for a Diamond 🙂
I honestly would wait until the next time things are going really well for you guys, *WITH* a few months passing between your last engagement related tiff and that moment. and preferably when he gives you an idea of timeline.
Post # 5
Yes – we shopped around together a lot online to get ideas of style we thought we would like and then headed to the stores. Once we found the design/syles we liked, we combined them into one idea and took it to a local jeweler who created it for us. It looks great!
Maybe both of you looking together will help him feel like he has an input as well – or he might just want it to be a surprise for you!
Post # 6
Yep and it was the best decision we could have made. I not only went shopping with him but I completely picked out my ring. I really enjoyed being involved in the selection and in all honesty, those shopping trips were possibly the most fun I’ve ever had with Fiance. We both felt that it was important that I was involved since I will be wearing the ring for the rest of my life. We did everything else as a team so the ring selection was no different.
Post # 7
I definitely looked (WAY before we even talked about marriage) and fell in love with a ring. I’ve shown it to him…
BUT he had his own plan, that he let me know about. Some stores will sell you the center diamond and put that on a plain band. Then after the proposal you can both go in together so that you can try on and pick a setting that you love. My brother did this for his wife as well and I think it’s a good way to keep things a surprise.
Post # 8
We physically went ring shopping together, and then had a nice lunch and chatted about the stuff we saw and budget and all that. It was actually really fun and got him excited about the ring. I think it is better to go shopping together and make a date out of it than to send an email. It is a little impersonal but that could just be me. I think especially if the ring topic has brought about arguments recently that an email is probably not the best way to get him interested.
Post # 9
I gave Fiance guidelines for what I liked (sapphire center stone, white gold) and sent him pictures or styles I liked online. He picked out the ring entirely on his own.
Post # 10
Well we are using my grandmothers stone and only need the setting. SO and I looked and looked and … looked on line forever. Realistically it was probably 4days lol. He knows the style that I like and he actually likes the same type of styles, which works.
As for bringing it up again, I know for a few weeks there I was pushing … well SHOVING the topic in his face ALL.THE.TIME. But i’ve let it drop now. We have a ton of other things on our plates right now and I don’t spend nearly as much time on the Bee as I used too. It kind of calmed me down about the wedding planning. Think about it very carefully before you bring it up again with him. Good Luck
Post # 11
I agree with Oneeleven — if you don’t have a timeline set up yet and if the last time you had a covo about engagment with your bf it ended up in a heated discussion, I’d say it’d better to just back off for now. Especially if he told you to stop pushing him… it probably won’t make him want to go buy one when he feels pushed.
Did you read Mr. Bee’s steps to getting engaged? I think it actually works! I didn’t see it until recently so haven’t had a chance to apply it for my own, but what I did was very similar to Mr. Bee’s advice. I stopped talking about engagement/marriage for a few months and actually told my bf (now my husband) how I started having doubts about the idea of marriage, that maybe I shouldn’t get married at all, etc (I was actually having those thoughts b/c I had friends/family going through divorce at the time). And I avoided any talk he’d bring up about marriage/engagement. He proposed within couple of months. Haha.
I think once your bf is ready to take the next step after thinking it through on his own, he’d bring it up and ask what kind of style you’d like.
Post # 12
When we didn’t have a timeline, I didn’t show him or think about what I would want.
However, when he was ready, he told me to go shopping on my own and give him a picture of what setting I like best. The size and weight of the ring will be his choice (I really dont care how big it is…just that I like the setting). I gave him a picture with a note with my ring size and the rest was up to him. I know he has been looking, and hinted that he bought something, but this was after I gave him the picture and stopped talking about it.
If he’s not ready to look, don’t force. He will eventually ask you what you like. Or…he will surprise you. I remember a lot of arguements about rings and engagement…and once I stopped talking about it and calmed down, he started looking. If you get the urge to show him rings, just make a folder on your computer of what you like and keep adding to it until the time is right to show him.
Post # 13
I told him to contact my best friend if he ever wanted to propose– she knew everything I wanted (well, she knew white gold, asscher cut, size 6). He picked out the perfect ring based on that…. it kept the element of surprise but also got me what I wanted 🙂
Post # 14
At a friend’s Super Bowl party, one of my girlfriends was talking about getting engaged. She started talking about what kind of ring she wanted. We all started talking about what we would want in a ring and each of us dished about what we wanted. Which cut? Solitaire? Color? (The boys were watching the football game)
…a month later I got proposed to with the exact ring I wanted. It turns out that the entrie conversation was STAGED. My Fiance was in cahoots with my friends the entire time!
Post # 15
- Wedding: May 2011 - A church in downtown Nashville
I think if the conversation ends up being pretty heated, you may need to back off, especially since he said that he does want to marry you, and he was the one who brought up the ring. Sometimes when he’s already almost to the point where he’s going to propose, adding pressure delays it.. I know that’s what happened with me. 🙂
As far as sharing photos of rings you like, would it be possible to create a google doc with your photos or something? You can “share” the file with him, letting him know that it’s just what you are gathering, that there’s no pressure but he can take a look whenever he’s ready. That way, it’ll also be a surprise, if that is important to him.
Post # 16
if you get the urge to show him rings, just make a folder on your computer of what you like and keep adding to it until the time is right to show him.
Haahah! Mine’s huge! It sits along side my dress folder, and my awesome locations folder. I even have a folder for odds and sods, like “perfect wedding hairdo” shot. And “Gorgeous pose I want to copy” for one I saw of a bride with her man giving her a dip in the ocean.
These are all kept on my work computer so there won’t be any ‘accidental’ sightings on the shared one at home