(Closed) Do you have anyone you don't give a damn if they attend your wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

OMG yes! I’m secretly hoping certain people won’t go so I save space AND money! 

Post # 4
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you’ve got every right to feel the way you do, and to decide to not have him walk you down the aisle.  That should be an honor and a privlege for a father, not something done “just because.”

I did have people I didn’t care whether or not they came, but for very different reasosn for you.  Most of them I either hadn’t met, wasn’t close to, or hadn’t been kind to me during the engagement and planning process.  But those situations are quite trivial in comparison to yours!

Post # 5
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@gemchick82:  First, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

If the subject of your father walking you down the aisle comes up again, shut it down, hard.  Put your hand up in the “stop” position, cut them off and tell them the matter has been decided and you will not discuss it further. 

Or, just turn and walk away. 

You don’t owe anyone an apology or explanation. 

Post # 6
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Yeah, lots.

Post # 7
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yep. We’re over-capacity because FI’s huge family, but it’s an 8-hour trip for most of them so I know a large percentage of them won’t come.

Post # 8
2685 posts
Sugar bee

You can’t choose who is related to you, but you can choose who you consider family.  I’ve learned that same lesson in my own family.  Thankfully, the people who I don’t care about attending aren’t being invited in the first place.

Post # 9
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

For me, as long as the groom was there, I was a happy camper! 🙂

We had a Destination Wedding for this exact reason (and other reasons too, but mainly this). Both our moms tried to pressure us into getting married here, my mom even said that she was too afraid of taking a plane to come to our wedding. I told her I loved her very much, and that she could either take a plane to come see me get married “live”, or that she could watch pictures when we come back.

Honestly, I would have been sad if my parents hadn’t been there to share this moment with us, but the bottom line for us was to be married and if anyone showed up, it was just gravy.

Post # 10
4040 posts
Honey bee

We can only host 110 guests, due to venue size restrictions. There are people we didn’t really care if they came or not, so they’re simply not invited. We’re limiting our guest list to those that have played a role in our lives, over the last 10 years, and whom we regularly communicate with. That leaves off the list distant or estranged relatives, but who cares?

Post # 11
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

OP- I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this %^&. My two pieces of advice- stop talking about the wedding to those who are going to give you a hard time about your choices (change the subject/ “we’ve made our decision and that’s final,” / “thank you for the suggestion,”- whatever works for you), and if you think he’ll pull something to make your mom late- give her an earlier deadline of when you want her at the venue, or have her with you during the day as you prep. “Mom, please meet me at the venue at 10am to help me get ready” and have your father arrive at 2pm with Uncle Bob.

Post # 12
709 posts
Busy bee

@gemchick82:  Oh wow, this man gave you a lot of grief. Sorry to hear that & big hugs!

Post # 13
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Yes…a few select family members that don’t get along. It’s hard because I would like them there, but their attitudes are really 50/50. You never know which it’s going to be until they get there – nice and great to be around, or cranky and demanding. We’ll see!

Post # 14
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow, and I thought my dad and I had issues! I’m so sorry for all you’ve gone through with him. What a despicable human being. Did your mother know he was doing any of these hurtful things? 

My dad didn’t walk me down the aisle, my mom and step dad did. I got many comments on that because my dad is still physically in my life, but he’s never been emotionally connected in any way (he moved to a different country when I was 5). I didn’t care what anyone thought. I wanted to be able to look back at my wedding and know I made the right decisions FOR ME, not just to fit into what is socially acceptable. You’re the one thst has to live with the choice, make the one that’s right for you?

Post # 15
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@gemchick82:  I can’t believe that after all he’s put you through people still expect you to let your father walk you down the aisle. He has not deserved the honor at all, and forgiveness? You forgive those who are SORRY – he doesn’t seem to regret being an abusive arse. 

Sorry for the rant, your story has just made me so angry! *internet hugs* your way, I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this. 

As for myself, I don’t give two flying f*cks whether my aunt, her husband, my cousin and his family come to my wedding or not, honestly I’d rather they didn’t. My aunt has Alzheimers so I doubt she’ll even know what’s going on but the rest of the family has behaved so disrespectfully towards my parents that I don’t care if I ever see them again or not. Thank goodness they live in a different country. 

Post # 16
14 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

A father’s job is to love and protect his children. Your father did neither. I don’t blame you for how you feel. You have every right to decide who walks you down the aisle on one of the most important days of your life. I’m so sorry you had to go through this 🙁

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