Do you have family members that judge you?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@cbee:  I would limit my contact with them. I refuse to have anyone in my life that does not mean me well. I do not have ill will towards anyone, life is too short. Feed them with a long handle spoon.

Post # 4
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I understand a little bit about what you’re going through. I get judged hard-core by my FI’s family for not having a job, and that my career dream is to be a dog trainer. My Fiance works two jobs and makes about $400 a month and one day his dad came into our room and told me I should just break up with him since he doesn’t make a lot of money, WTF? We’ve been together for 5 and half years and I’d leave him because of money? No. That hurt a lot. 

I am sorry you’re going through this, having family judge you hurts a lot and they can easily get under your skin for the stupidest things. You know you’re on the right path for you, stick with it, you and your Fiance have to remain a strong united front against your family and show them that you’re happy, you’re struggling a little more then they are, but you’re happy and that is what matters most. 

Good luck~

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@cbee:  um you are sort of judging them… they got my mum to pay for school and cars and they steal and the one only married for money …..

 

Post # 8
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@cbee:  You’re still judging them as hypocritical, nasty, materialistic, lacking morals and being disappointments to you. It doesn’t mean that you’re judging them incorrectly. But you are judging them.  ๐Ÿ™‚

I think we’re all inclined to form opinions about other people’s choices, even if it’s just “I wouldn’t want that for myself.” The problem is that your sisters are being MEAN and condescending about your choices in a way that your choices don’t warrant. You’re all adults now — if they can’t be nice to you, or at least cordial, then there’s no reason to stay close to them or play nice with them. We don’t get to choose our family, unfortunately, but as we get older, we get to choose how much time we want to spend with them and how much we want to let their opinions matter to us.

Edit: All of this is to say — I don’t think you’re in the wrong here, your sisters are bitches, and it’s OK to come to terms with the fact that yes, given the evidence, it’s safe to conclude that they’re bitches.

Post # 9
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@cbee:  i got it .. you don’t like being judged ….. no one does.  Do you know the intimate details of the relationship they have with your mother?  no.  and you judge.  I was just pointing out that your judging them on surface as .. i guess they judge you.

Post # 10
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My extended family judges me because I’m making something of my life, but I’m not close to them, so I say fuck ’em.

Sometimes my dad irritates me because he seems to try to take credit for EVERY SINGLE ACCOMPLISHMENT I’ve ever achieved.

–I’m about to finish my degree?

“Well, who supported you this whole time? You wouldn’t even have a degree without our support.”

I appreciate that, I really do, but I’m the one who studied and put in the effort.

–I won two bowling championships?

“Well, if I didn’t introduce you to bowling when you were a kid you wouldn’t be a bowling champion now with scholarships.”

But you stopped bowling years ago. I’m the one who’s put in the hours and years and tears and injuries to get the championships that lead to my scholarships.

–I just wrote a very successful academic paper:

“You wouldn’t have written that paper the way you did if it weren’t for the way you were raised.”

What the hell dad. I have my own thoughts, I can make my own decisions, and I accomplished many things based on my own work!

So while it’s not the same as your situation, it still massively bothers me.

I love my parents and the support they’ve given me throughout the years…but dammit, give me credit where it’s due, okay?!!

Post # 11
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

What does it matter to them how much money you do or do not make?  It’s not like your family is communist and you’re bringing down the family average…

Post # 13
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Torrid:  Daddy’s proud of you, is all! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Torrid: I’m in a similar situation with my Brother-In-Law. Right now I’m halfway through my bachelors degree for Computer Science and he’s made remarks like “Without us (him and my older sister), you would be struggling in school financially.” Or if I make the Deans List or recieve any academic merit award he’ll comment “This wouldn’t have happened without us. Be thankful for the way you were raised.” I seriously appreciate all that my family has done for me, but as you’ve said give me credit where it is due!

Post # 14
Member
568 posts
Busy bee

OP, sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately our families are often the ones that hurt us the most, which really isn’t fair. I would confront your sisters and tell them how that makes you feel and if they don’t reconsider their behaviour you’re afraid you cannot be that close to them anymore. If they keep behaving like that, I would limit the contact to a minimum. Being related doesn’t mean you HAVE to have these toxic people in your life. 

Btw, I think it’s quite common to be judged by family members. I married a foreigner and we live in his country and til this day I’m getting judged by my uncle and my grandmother. Both of them keep saying I’m crazy to not live in their country (they think our country is the world’s best country to live, they’re pretty close-minded) and that I’m making bad decisions. After I started dating my now-husband, my grandmother even kept saying in front of me to my parents ‘Don’t worry, she’s moving back here soon, it won’t last’- Can you believe that? Some people are just incredible.

 

Edit: Oops, just saw the thread is three years old and someone pushed it up again.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  dalia88.
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