Post # 1
Lol, I wonder if anyone knows where my title came from? Anyway, it seems like lately, it is one thing after another. Sometimes I wanna go hide under my bed and forget the world… or this wedding, rather. So, here’s the latest…
Let me just make a bullet-point list of things, instead of rambling on like I normally do:
- When I got engaged, my mom OFFERED to contribute to the wedding budget. She and Future Mother-In-Law urged me to have a beach wedding, instead of the cheap, park wedding that I’d planned within my means.
- Because I thought my mom was helping, I have since placed my $350 non-refundable deposit on a coastal venue.
- Two days ago, my mom announced she’s engaged.
- Bye, bye, financial assisstance from mom! She’s getting married three months after me, and is already planning her elaborate honeymoon.
Ughh! I am so upset! I have already been stressing about coming up with the money for the reception meal. Now, I find out that I won’t be getting any help on my dress or anything from my mom because she is having her dream wedding three months after mine. She knew she’d OFFERED to help, and was well-aware of my wedding date. I’m sort of offended. I’m happy she’s marrying her bf, who I already think of as a stepdad, but I’m not happy that she just left me high and dry.
Fiance and I can definitely afford to pay the remaining balance on the venue. Our thing was needing help with the reception meal. It’s gonna cost about $1600. Which, probably seems minscule to everyone else, but to us, it’s a lot. We have other financial obligations that take precedence. Had I known my mother wasn’t really going to help me out, I would have stayed with my cheap park wedding and reception barbecue.
Post # 3
And, no, I don’t have a “sense of entitlement”. I will pay for all of this myself. I am stuck now, so I will figure it out, myself. I just wanted to get this off of my chest.
Post # 4
its exciting that your mom is getting married. especially to a man you obviously approve of.
what i don’t understand is why her wedding needs to be so close to yours. especially when she has offered financial assistance.
has she actually specifically said she won’t be helping you out anymore?
Post # 5
Green Day -Basket Case
Did your Mom specifically say she wasn’t going to help out financially now that her own plans have changed?
Post # 5
oh honey im sorry – i cant for the life of me imagine what it would be like to be disappointed like this, why do people do this??? you have 9mths, can you do something to sock away money per month??
Post # 6
That sucks. I mean it sucks in such a sucky way because you don’t begrudge your mother her own happiness but you can’t help but feel like you’re getting screwed after you were banking on the funds from your mother. Has she officially told you that she’s not helping you with the wedding? Have you talked to her about how the only reason you changed your original plans was based on her suggestion and offer to help financially? Perhaps you can both find a happy medium as far as money goes?
Is it too late to go back to your original plans? I know you’ve already got the $350 deposit down but if you’re not getting help would it be better to give up the $350 and save by going back to your original plans? Sucks for sure but maybe your mom can give you the $350 deposit back and you can go back to point A. Obviously, not ideal but perhaps the situation is not as bleak as it feels right now.
Post # 7
That just plain sucks! I was doing the same thing, bbq reception, keeping it affordable and then about a month or so later my mom offered to help pay for a real caterer. I was ecstatic and if she would have backed out, I would not have been able to do it.
Your mom is definitely stealing your thunder. It’s nice that she is gonna get married and all, but c’mon, this is too much! Plans should be about your wedding, not hers!
I feel bad for you. I would sit down with her and tell her not just financially but emotionally it isn’t fair to you. Ugh, I’d be pissed!
Post # 8
Why couldnt she wait to get engaged until after you? I’m sorry and I am by no means a diva but if my mom did that *ish or her bf though that was appropriate I would be pissed!
Anywho, if you say you are going to contribute you need to! Sorry you’re going through this!
Post # 9
Your mom is definitely stealing your thunder….. Why couldnt she wait to get engaged until after you? I’m sorry and I am by no means a diva but if my mom did that *ish or her bf though that was appropriate I would be pissed!
why are people having a problem with the mom getting married THREE MONTHS after the daughter? i mean usually if a bride said woe is me someone is getting married 12 weeks after me people will say she had her day and she cant own the year
unless im missing something the problem is financial. OP changed her original plans on on a financial promise made to her by her mom and the situation has changed and she is now being let down while backed into a corner and committed to a more expensive venue
Post # 10
@julies1949: =] No, she didn’t specifically *say* that she’s isn’t going to help. But, I am well-aware of her finances. She was being very generous with her offer to me. However, with the wedding she’s planning, there is NO way she can afford to do both. I know she will choose her own wedding over mine. I mean, I’d probably choose my own wedding over someone else’s, too, I guess. But, I wouldn’t offer someone help and then not go through with it (by choice).
So far, she’s been on FB discussing her honeymoon plans. Her honeymoon plans, alone, are more than the entire cost of my wedding reception dinner. They’re taking a seven day cruise, and getting a suite on the ship. They are also taking the cruise out of NOLA, so they are road tripping down there and staying in a hotel for a few days in downtown NOLA.
I was never concerned about her stealing my thunder. I sincerely believe that my mother wouldn’t do that to me, like FCIL did. But, she said when she announced her engagement that she wanted a small, elopement type deal as not to take away from my wedding. However, her “elopement” has suddenly turned into a full-blown thing. She wants a “dream dress”, etc.
Right now, I’m just in shock. I want my mom to marry her Fiance. But, I never, in a million years she’d do it the same year as my wedding or that she’d want a big affair. She doesn’t even like her FI’s family… This was so sudden. She announced to me by sending me a text saying, “Go say something good under my new relationship status.” She wanted me to say something positive so people wouldn’t think I was mad at her for stealing the spotlight, or whatever. I’m just mad that I have to figure out how to pay for all of this stuff myself, now, when I was banking on financial assistance.
Post # 11
Oh, and taking a loss on the $350 really isn’t worth it. I only owe about $430 more on the total, and we can definitely manage that. It includes two nights in an oceanfront honeymoon suite, the ceremony site (inc. chairs, arbor, and setup), and the reception venue (inc. linens, china, flatware, clean-up). If anything, we just won’t end up having dinner in our reception venue. It’s not mandatory that we have our reception there, they just include the reception room in the cost of the wedding package.
Post # 12
I think that if someone close to you is planning their wedding, you should space it out more. It’s a little frustrating because it just takes a lot of money at one time if she’s going to still help you out, but it doesn’t sound like she’s saving a bunch of money for your wedding. But who knows, maybe she is. Especially if her Fiance is helping out too!
I think you could definitely cut costs on the reception dinner and save some money there. It sounds like you have a sort of back-up plan, which is good. It’s hard when you’re counting on help that doesn’t show up, and I’m really glad it isn’t harming your relationship with your mom. It’s annoying for sure, but you sound like you have some good ideas 🙂
Post # 13
Sounds like a really difficult situation – it is hard to be promised money and then plan something based on that. I would discuss it with her and explain that you made changes based on her promise, and see what she can come back with. Money complicates everything but I hope it works out for you.